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  #11  
Old 11-07-2012, 05:47 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
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me four... so started a new one.
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  #12  
Old 11-07-2012, 07:37 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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My relationship with my boyfriend (what's probably my only other romantic relationship besides the one with Woodsmith) started as a FWB situation. Yes I do love the other people in my family but to that amount and having it reciprocated back is only in those two.

But I actually had a point here. What was going to be just a FWB situation ended up having deeper feelings develop so I am a big believer in letting things go organically.
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  #13  
Old 11-07-2012, 07:46 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Glad other people were confused too.
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  #14  
Old 11-07-2012, 08:00 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I definitely didn't think it should have been closed, but I think the reasoning was that it was pretty unrelated to polyamory. I guess an analogy would be someone asking about dogs on a cat forum. Sure, they're both pets, but there are forums for dogs, and this forum is obviously about cats!

But since there are many people who own and/or love both cats and dogs, I would say that if the thread is actually being posted in and all, there is no reason to lock it.
And if it's not being posted in, there is no reason to lock it either since it will just fall off the front page and not be relevant.

But we do get a lot of people who think polyamory is just about sleeping around, so I'm guessing that's why it triggered the moderation wrath?
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  #15  
Old 11-07-2012, 08:36 PM
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I did not see the other thread before it was locked, but I would have added that just because a relationship is considered "Friends with Benefits" (as much as I hate that term) does not automatically mean that there is no love. It most certainly is not the same as NSA sex. For me, the friendship part of FWB is hugely important - and I sure as hell can love my friends. It may not be the same as what we call romantic love, but it is love. I think it is sad that most people really think of a FWB as just another name for Fuck Buddy. There are more than a few of us here who have loving relationships that are not partner-y and have more casual parameters but are full of love and loving, caring qualities, and are definitely not NSA or swinger-ish at all.
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  #16  
Old 11-07-2012, 08:43 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
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I think there are lots and lots of threads on this forum that go into semantics and that the semantics as they relate to "non-monogamy" are broad and broadly interpreted. Why suddenly shut down discussion?

There are also tons of threads on here that talk about the progression from one form of non-monogamy to another, i.e. polyamory.

I guess I didn't realize this forum was so narrowly focused. I've always enjoyed the breadth of topics and viewpoints to be found here...
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  #17  
Old 11-07-2012, 08:53 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
But we do get a lot of people who think polyamory is just about sleeping around, so I'm guessing that's why it triggered the moderation wrath?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ladyslipper View Post
I think there are lots and lots of threads on this forum that go into semantics and that the semantics as they relate to "non-monogamy" are broad and broadly interpreted. Why suddenly shut down discussion?

There are also tons of threads on here that talk about the progression from one form of non-monogamy to another, i.e. polyamory.

I guess I didn't realize this forum was so narrowly focused. I've always enjoyed the breadth of topics and viewpoints to be found here...



That is precisely why a thread like that would be relevant and discussion would be beneficial.

Another reason that thread was good is because "swinging" and "friends with benefits" are NOT the same thing. Often, swinging LEADS to love and/or friendship, as we have seen in many people's stories on here.

The moderator could have moved it to the Fireplace if it was "off topic". I don't think the OP or anyone else who posted in it was trying to present swinging as a form of polyamory. And the moderator who moved it even says in his signature that people in poly relationships often do engage in FWB/casual sex relationships - even though those things are not "really poly", they are not "really swinging" either. "Swinging" is usually a structured recreational activity that often involves joining clubs and attending scheduled events, and often these clubs and organizations have rules that members are not supposed to socialize outside of the sanctioned club events. All these things are very "un-poly". But FWB and casual sex often DO involve love, emotion, and affection, just of the "friendly" type (instead of being "in love"). Also, "swinging" typically involves partcipation AS A COUPLE, while casual sex/FWB can be (and usually is) practiced on a one-to-one basis (not "monogamous" - just two people in a particular place and time).

I believe that there is considerable opportunity for overlap and relevance with and to polyamory, and that is why a thread like that should not be considered "off-topic" and shut down. It's really along the lines of treating people like children. Can we not have a discussion about something that affects people in polyamorous relationships, even though these "things" might not "be" poly in and of themselves? I could see if someone came on here INSISTING that swinging was a FORM of polyamory, and trying to get people riled up and arguing about it, but all it was was someone looking for other people's stories and experiences - AS poly people - with these variations of relationship styles.

Either that, or it could have been merged with one of the other threads about casual sex or sex with people you like as friends but aren't "in love" with. That is hardly what "swinging" is all about.
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  #18  
Old 11-07-2012, 08:57 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Here's a link to a thread about Casual Sex (which i believe is also in Golden Nuggets).

And here's a link to the other thread that was spawned as a result of the FWB thread being locked:

I'm confused...

I am suggesting that "I'm confused" and this thread and the FWB thread all be merged together and allowed to proceed nominally. I'd do it myself, but you know, I'm not a moderator, etc.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 11-07-2012 at 09:01 PM.
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  #19  
Old 11-07-2012, 10:18 PM
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The original thread title: Experiences with FB or FWB only
(the use of "only" caught my eye - not "in addition to other relationships").

In the text, the OP specifically said that it was about "keeping outside involvements limited only to "sex (f**k) buddies" or "friends with benefits" status only, and not allowing these interactions to progress to relationships (bf/gf, romantic, etc)."

I took that "not allowing" to mean that it was about restricting any involvement to purely sex and that all romantic interactions, let alone relationships were verboten. So this isn't about people choosing a specific relationship to be suited to a FWB relationship, but that there were restrictions in place than the only thing allowed outside the primary couple was sex.

So based on my (possibly flawed) interpretation of it, I don't think that it is relevant to a poly forum at all, and tried to steer the poster to a place that they may get better answers about how to restrict a relationship to be sex only.

Based on my conversations with swingers, it is far broader than a club or an organised social event, although it can be that. It can be simple "swapping" (hard or soft), or organized threesomes. In other words a relationship that is only allowed to be for sex, even though friendships can develop.

And I put no relative value on poly vs swinging, either.
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  #20  
Old 11-07-2012, 10:29 PM
ladyslipper ladyslipper is offline
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Yes but she also states this as an added question:

"What made you decide to limit outside interactions to these categories instead of allowing for other relationships?"

To me, this clearly represents someone trying to define poly for herself and her partner. If this site is not intended for that kind of exploration than, wow, that's a shocker to me.
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