Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #301  
Old 11-08-2011, 03:05 PM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,950
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post

Just trying to get this straight. You don't sound polyamorous, just polygynous.
Mags, V's are just as poly as triads, OPP or not, and they're polyamorous if they identify as such. It's not really for you to paste labels on someone else.
__________________
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
Reply With Quote
  #302  
Old 11-08-2011, 03:06 PM
zylya zylya is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Sussex, UK
Posts: 77
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Oh, so you're interested in a polyfidelitous V. You get 2 women, and the women only get you. One penis policy. Your wife doesn't want a gf, she just wants a "sister wife?" You want a monogamous lover then, who would be happy sharing you with your wife, but would not want, or be allowed to have another lover of her own? Your wife doesn't want another sex partner, male or female.

Just trying to get this straight. You don't sound polyamorous, just polygynous.
Or in other words, "My poly is better than your poly"?
Reply With Quote
  #303  
Old 11-08-2011, 03:13 PM
NathandDom's Avatar
NathandDom NathandDom is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Springdale AR
Posts: 8
Default Love > sex

I think you're confusing polyamory with polysexual. I want another woman to join our family, and I want to love her. Sex and love are not the same thing. I am not bisexual. If I love another woman, I'm not going to rule out sexual activities, but we make sure to put forward that that is not something we are specifically looking for. We'd rather be completely upfront about our intentions than let someone enter our relationship with misconceptions.
Reply With Quote
  #304  
Old 11-08-2011, 03:16 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 4,365
Default

Just being technical. There is no "better than you" about it from this end.

A V is one person with 2 lovers, where those 2 lovers do not have sex. The 2 lovers (who don't have sex with each other) are called metamours. Or in this case, perhaps sister wives.

A triad, technically, is 3 people in love and all having sex, either in 3ways or one on one. All 3 people are lovers or paramours or whatever you want to call them.

Please get your panties unbunched, people.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

A standing prick hath no conscience. --Bill Shakespeare

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 60, poly-dating, and loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, poly, 38
Reply With Quote
  #305  
Old 11-08-2011, 03:22 PM
zylya zylya is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Sussex, UK
Posts: 77
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Just being technical. There is no "better than you" about it from this end.

A V is one person with 2 lovers, where those 2 lovers do not have sex. The 2 lovers (who don't have sex with each other) are called metamours. Or in this case, perhaps sister wives.

A triad, technically, is 3 people in love and all having sex, either in 3ways or one on one. All 3 people are lovers or paramours or whatever you want to call them.

Please get your panties unbunched, people.
This post above is a technical definition post. Your previous one, not so much.
Reply With Quote
  #306  
Old 11-08-2011, 03:33 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,677
Default

Nathanddom. Are you two people? I can't tell who is who. Please get separate accounts so we can tell you apart please. And thanks
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #307  
Old 11-08-2011, 03:39 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,677
Default

I thought you were looking for a unicorn too by virtue of the fact that you post from one account and because of your intro post that starts with this

Quote:
Originally Posted by NathandDom View Post
We have been talking about and passively looking for a second female for seven years, but only recently have we began to actively pursue the lifestyle and relationship style we have wanted.
and talks of poly fi along with that (I didn't read the whole thread though). No biggy, but it is confusing... I can understand where Mags got confused. I was.

Sorry for the derailment of topic.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #308  
Old 11-08-2011, 05:08 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,435
Default

Back to the OP, vanille, and her hubs Armani:

Just remember that it's not a race. The two of you do not need to both find additional partners to keep up with each other, be equal or fair, or anything like that. Generally women will have an easier time finding potential partners than men will. Consider this a blessing. Poly is new to you. Let's say vanille finds an OSO first. Instead of being anxious for Armani to find a woman, too, so you can both have one (sounds kids wanting toys, right?), let the change to your relationship sink in.

It will be a new dynamic of three, no longer two. There will likely be NRE to handle, as well as time management issues. See what you need to do to feel safe about vanille dating men from the internet. Take each small step slowly. Don't be in such a hurry. It could be several months before a woman open to poly messages Armani.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote
  #309  
Old 08-21-2012, 07:03 PM
cuninglingwist cuninglingwist is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 29
Default lovemaggy

let me understand, your bisexual and looking for a relationship with another female that will not be sexually available to your man, only you as her primarary and her as the secondary and he is ok with it. On the surface it sounds a little selfish to most people, almost being protective of what you have with your man.

To me I would say you are the dominant factor in knowing what you want, and going for it, and know what you dont want and thats ok.

You may want to try looking outside of polly, there are a lot of submissive bisexual females that are looking for a dominant mistress to cater to sexually,
not that you have to be overbaring or treat her like crap (amazingly many people think all submissives want this) its not true.
most bifemale submissives have a real need to sexually serv a bifemale mistress, to give up her control to only her primerary (you) happy to be the seconary knowing your man is off limits to her, unless she is directed only by you to give herself to him, this might be an interesting synario once you have trust and feel you have full control of her and not feel threatened. I think its worth looking at as an option, I personally think openminded bifemales are the best woman a openminded man can have, however its important that your man understands your bisexual needs, need be met in any way you see fit, after all its a huge part of who you are as a beautiful bisexual woman.
Reply With Quote
  #310  
Old 11-07-2012, 01:10 PM
Bluecircle's Avatar
Bluecircle Bluecircle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 5
Default How did you meet your partner(s)?

Good morning Everyone,
I am new here and to Polyamory and have a million questions. Those of you who are in committed relationships, would you share with me how you met your partners? I am just curious how all this came together for you.
Thank you!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
advise, approaching someone, asking people out, dating, dating friends, dating sites, finding someone, first time, flirting, like-minded, married and dating, meet ups, meeting new partners, meeting people, new to polyamory, okc, online dating, poly dating, primary, primary/secondary, quad dating, secondary, sex, small town, solo, third partner, thirds, tips

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:20 AM.