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  #31  
Old 10-30-2012, 07:18 AM
Nudibranch Nudibranch is offline
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Originally Posted by playswellwithothers View Post
Newbie question: what does "cowgirl" mean in poly parlance?
The term I have heard, and prefer, is "couple cracker." It's not limited to polyamory; it relates to anyone who sees the love between two people (no matter how many people they are each involved with) and horns in with inappropriate demands deriving from their acquisition lust and desire to nail down the relationship before it has even begun to sprout. Some of them want what the loving others have and think they can acquire that by acquiring one of the partners. This is covetousness.

Six weeks is not a relationship. Six weeks is a fever.

You noted that she didn't demand the breakup--not that demands are necessary to achieve that end. It sounds to me like Leaf got way in over his head.

Do yourself a favor, dear LIL: go cold turkey on Leaf for six weeks. Give yourself six more weeks after that, and prepare to embark on letting your true self attract someone more worthy of all you have invested in that relationship.

I’d predict him getting tired of his new squeeze's demands and insecurities. He is totally within his rights to choose someone less secure and challenging; you are totally within yours to be who you are.

One last thing. At the beginning of this thread you said you thought that you all were getting it right but your hopes were dashed. Six weeks isn’t enough time to determine that. Not even if the dyad partners have a very clear set of boundaries and expectations laid out concretely. That is not likely IMO given that you said that Leaf is “not good with words” but “you are.”

Can you identify in your own heart/mind what it was about this relationship that gave you such hope and excitement? Was it really about Leaf? Or was his involvement with Flower something that was giving YOU indirect access to something YOU need? Or was it maybe him and you sharing excitement in a long-term relationship, though indirectly?

Identifying things like that are important so that you can engineer your next relationship(s) in line with what you learned about yourself.

I am writing quickly and hope that this comes across with the warmth, affection, and support I am feeling.
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  #32  
Old 11-05-2012, 05:08 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by LostInLove4 View Post
I think I've come full circle now. From thinking I couldn't live without him - to thinking I will be better off without him. If Leaf ever does want to come back to me I will have to think really hard about it.
My unsolicited advice is don't get back together with him. Anyone willing to throw away 10 years after 6 fluffy weeks is unlikely to ever get his priorities straight. That's not even considering the practicality of leaving with no means to support himself.

Quote:
He says after he and Flower are together for a while and on more solid ground that he would like to be Poly again.
Yeah. Right. Good luck with that, buddy. What on Earth makes him think she'll be any more willing to try Poly after she's got him locked in?

Quote:
I think I would take him back if he and Flower break up, but I could never trust him to be the hinge in a V with Flower and I. I don't think he has what it takes to be a hinge in ANY relationship, but especially after what the two of them have done to me - it will never happen.
This baffles me. To put it bluntly, he threw you away for some Shiny New Thing. He completely disregarded your love and loyalty. In a nutshell, he does NOT deserve you.

He simply does not how to be in a polyamorous relationship. If they break up and you take him back, what's to stop him from doing it all over again next time he meets some other mono chick who doesn't want to share? Are you really going to allow yourself to be treated like that?
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