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Old 11-02-2012, 07:03 PM
lostlion lostlion is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 4
Default Hi everyone I'm lostlion from Rhode Island

OK so before I begin I haven't had a very good experience with other poly individuals in my area so please be gentle. With that said there really aren't many that I know of in RI (my area).
So lets begin:
I'm 28 years old, currently in a 13 year mono relationship,I have 2 beautiful children, and have been poly-curious before I ever knew what poly was.
What I am looking for are people in my area, local meets, and q&a with good people that understand my situation.
My situation : My 13 year girlfriend/mother of my children does not know I feel the way I feel about poly. I also don't think she'd be onboard for a poly relationship and/or open relationship at all. I love her with all my heart and never want to hurt her but ...... I can't help who I am.
Question : do I tell her ?

Please be realistic and non-judgemental
Nice to meet you all and thanks for listening.
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  #2  
Old 11-02-2012, 08:16 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
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Hello lostlion,
Welcome to our forum.

Sorry you have had some bad luck with other poly people in your area. You could try googling "Rhode Island polyamory" and see what else comes up. Also there's certain links you could try:

http://polyamory.meetup.com/
http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups

We also have a Dating & Friendships subforum you could try here.

It may be a challenge to find a second poly group in your area if you've already found one (and had bad luck with that one). I only know of one poly group in Albuquerque, for instance, and it took me awhile to find it.

More importantly, you'll have to tell your girlfriend sooner or later. Some tips about how you might go about this can be found at:

http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...sg9230#msg9230

The only other option I can see is to never tell her, and never get involved in a polyamorous relationship. Is that something you can live with? Would you end up with resentful feelings eventually?

Also, suppose you find a local poly group and start attending their meetings. Do you not tell her where you are? Do you lie to her about where you are? If you tell her you're at a poly meeting, how do you explain that to her? Don't you have to confess to her that you're interested in polyamory?

I can't think of any easy solutions to this problem. I know you don't want to hurt her, but she also has a right to decide whether to accept this part of your reality (and stay with you). Otherwise, you'd just have to hope your interest in polyamory will gradually fade away. Only you can decide if that's likely to happen. If you'd even *want* it to happen.

In the meantime, you can read and post on this site and get answers for various questions you may have. There's also a forum on Polyamorous Percolations if you decide you need a particularly gentle group of people, but that forum isn't nearly as active as this one.

If you continue to read and study more about polyamory (and open relationships), it will help give you a better idea of what to do. Opening Up (by Tristan Taormino) is a great book to read. Something to consider along with your interactions on this site.

Perhaps something in this post will be of help. I hope so.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #3  
Old 11-03-2012, 05:50 AM
lostlion lostlion is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Hello lostlion,
Welcome to our forum.

Sorry you have had some bad luck with other poly people in your area. You could try googling "Rhode Island polyamory" and see what else comes up. Also there's certain links you could try:

http://polyamory.meetup.com/
http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups

We also have a Dating & Friendships subforum you could try here.

It may be a challenge to find a second poly group in your area if you've already found one (and had bad luck with that one). I only know of one poly group in Albuquerque, for instance, and it took me awhile to find it.

More importantly, you'll have to tell your girlfriend sooner or later. Some tips about how you might go about this can be found at:

http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...sg9230#msg9230

The only other option I can see is to never tell her, and never get involved in a polyamorous relationship. Is that something you can live with? Would you end up with resentful feelings eventually?

Also, suppose you find a local poly group and start attending their meetings. Do you not tell her where you are? Do you lie to her about where you are? If you tell her you're at a poly meeting, how do you explain that to her? Don't you have to confess to her that you're interested in polyamory?

I can't think of any easy solutions to this problem. I know you don't want to hurt her, but she also has a right to decide whether to accept this part of your reality (and stay with you). Otherwise, you'd just have to hope your interest in polyamory will gradually fade away. Only you can decide if that's likely to happen. If you'd even *want* it to happen.

In the meantime, you can read and post on this site and get answers for various questions you may have. There's also a forum on Polyamorous Percolations if you decide you need a particularly gentle group of people, but that forum isn't nearly as active as this one.

If you continue to read and study more about polyamory (and open relationships), it will help give you a better idea of what to do. Opening Up (by Tristan Taormino) is a great book to read. Something to consider along with your interactions on this site.

Perhaps something in this post will be of help. I hope so.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Your absolutely right Kevin I will have to tell her sooner then later but I keep chickening out. Like tonight I was ready blood pumping and then nothing and went on my merry way
I don't think I can hold back from telling her because it's not fair to me and more importantly her. You'd think after 13 to 14 years of are mono relationship it'll be easy to just say forget it. NOPE! It just dwells deeper.
Also as for the meets I was actually thinking , if there was a local one, that I would go with her so that maybe she would be more excepting of the possibility of a poly/open relationship. Or just even understand where I am coming from,ya know. I would never lie to her about that. I try to be as honest as possible for the one exception of me being here and also trying to connect with other poly individuals. Hopefully that's atleast a little justifiable.
Thanks so much for ll the great info Kevin I'll definitely catch up on some reading
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