Poly versus Sluttiness

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by dakid

i hope i'm not labouring my point too much but to me their relationship with each other is polyamorous because they love each other dearly and are committed to supporting each others freedom to explore stuff with others, regardless of what form those explorations may take.

i am not looking to argue, but i am fascinated to discuss and to hear from others with different views. stretch my brain!

I see what you are saying - the "original" relationship is still polyamorous even if some of the behaviour with others could be classified as "swinging" or "casual sex".

I definitely agree with that. Sorry I can't help stretch your brain any further!

[crisare]

I feel pretty much the same way you do about this, dakid. Someone mentioned earlier:

and I find this amusing because "friendships with side benefits" IS a type of relationship! So while it may not "be" polyamory, someone try to explain to me exactly what is so "anti-poly" about it.

Yeah, yeah. I knew someone was going to pull that out. It reminds me of the line from A Fish Called Wanda: "I'm sure she knows her own brother. After all, she's had a relationship with him all her life."

But I think it's fairly clear what I meant. If not, I'll clarify - building romantic relationships.

And, yes, I do think one can be poly, and swing, and have casual relationships within the context of being poly. I consider myself poly - but if I have casual sex with a friend, that doesn't make me not poly. It doesn't, however make the encounter I had with that friend part of being poly.

In the context of the OP who said that her boyfriend "flirted, made out with, and hooked up with lots of girls", I don't consider that forming a poly relationship. That's flirting, making out with, and hooking up. She had a self-admitted drunken one-time sexual experience with someone and her boyfriend claims that makes her poly. I disagree - that is not a poly relationship. It is a relationship of sorts - but it's not a poly one.

Everything I've read and understood about poly emphasizes loving, open, romantic relationships. A drunken one-night-fuck is not a loving, romantic relationship, even if it is open.

Edited to say that this is the way I choose to practice a poly lifestyle and how I choose to interpret poly as a whole. Obviously no one is required to agree with me.

This I agree with:

Originally Posted by YGirl

I see what you are saying - the "original" relationship is still polyamorous even if some of the behaviour with others could be classified as "swinging" or "casual sex".

I definitely agree with that. Sorry I can't help stretch your brain any further!

[glowinthedarkstars]

Oh man this makes things so much clearer to understand. I sure think its odd that my bf has so much poly pride and has read everything and preaches it to the girls he likes...yet comes to this conclusion...althought its always possible i am interprating situations in a different (not nessisarily wrong) way. Thanks for all the insight guys.

yall rock!

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by glowinthedarkstars

Oh man this makes things so much clearer to understand. I sure think its odd that my bf has so much poly pride and has read everything and preaches it to the girls he likes...yet comes to this conclusion...althought its always possible i am interprating situations in a different (not nessisarily wrong) way. Thanks for all the insight guys.

yall rock!

I don't know your boyfriend, but I am about to "judge" him here. Some of you might want to close your eyes, cover your ears and chant "la-la-la-la-la" for a few seconds here: (highlight the blank space below to see the text)


I think your boyfriend is a piece of work who tells other girls what he thinks they want to hear so that they'll agree to sleep with him.



OK, you can all open your eyes and ears and stop "la-la-la-ing" now.

[crisare]

YGirl - I agree.

[glowinthedarkstars]

awh yes i suspected some judgement as far as that goes, and i dont want anyone bashing him but some judgement is nice becuase it helps me understand what is actually going on, or what could be going on, what to look out for or talk to him about ect ect.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by YGirl

I don't know your boyfriend, but I am about to "judge" him here. Some of you might want to close your eyes, cover your ears and chant "la-la-la-la-la" for a few seconds here: (highlight the blank space below to see the text)


OK, you can all open your eyes and ears and stop "la-la-la-ing" now.

OK, you can all open your eyes and ears and stop "la-la-la-ing" now.[/QUOTE]

Judgement is not the evil word people make it out to be. It is a required function of establishing what is deemed acceptable and not acceptable within any community. Some behaviour is black, some is white, and much is grey. (Yes...I said grey)

I think those who resist the word have already secretly judged themselves, found something they didn't like and don't want others pointing it out to them.

I judge myself constantly and fully expect others do as well.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

Judgement is not the evil word people make it out to be. It is a required function of establishing what is deemed acceptable and not acceptable within any community. Some behaviour is black, some is white, and much is grey. (Yes...I said grey)

I think those who resist the word have already secretly judged themselves, found something they didn't like and don't want others pointing it out to them.

I judge myself constantly and fully expect others do as well.

I notice that when people are told something they don't want to hear, it's called "judging". When they are told what they do want to hear, it's called "support" or "validation". All I do is say it like i see it. Of course I realize that I don't know everything about everyone's situation, have not "walked in your shoes" and "don't know what works for other people".

And I have said this before, but "judging" someone is not the same as violating their humanity or their civil rights. It's just saying, "Hey I think what you're doing is [this way]."

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by YGirl

And I have said this before, but "judging" someone is not the same as violating their humanity or their civil rights. It's just saying, "Hey I think what you're doing is [this way]."

Nicely put

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Agreed

Originally Posted by YGirl

I notice that when people are told something they don't want to hear, it's called "judging". When they are told what they do want to hear, it's called "support" or "validation".

Isn't that the truth!