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  #11  
Old 06-05-2009, 09:09 AM
dakid dakid is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
dakid, you sound like you have thought about this quite a bit. You raise many good points and it's obvious you like to celebrate your life and individuality. I think that speaks volumes and I firmly believe this lifestyle allows you to live like that. It certainly is very freeing to find myself living outside the box after 50 years of being packed away in it. Now I really get why gays feel so relieved and free when they finally come out. It is quite invigorating to one's soul.
yay! sure is thanks for your nice words
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  #12  
Old 06-06-2009, 12:34 AM
Quath Quath is offline
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Originally Posted by cherrygirl View Post
So, I'm asking you all this. Why isn't one person enough? Please don't take this as me judging you, because I'm not, I'm really curious as to know why. This is the part I don't understand.
My wife asks this type of question as well. She doesn't quite like my answer, so it may not be so good for you.

Basically, we surround ourselves with people we like. In a monogamous culture, we draw artificial boundaries that says, "This relationship stops at this activity." Poly removes this concept and lets relationships go where they may. If you are feeling closer to a friend, let the relationship become closer. If you are feeling more distant from a lover, let it relax back into friendship. So in a sense, it can be more of a philosophy than a "need."

From another perspective, it is a desire like many of our other desires. Many people want more than one pet, or more than one child, or more than one good friend, or more than favorite food. We don't "need" more than one, but we understand the desire for more than one in these circumstances. Having another lover can also be explained by this same desire as well.
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  #13  
Old 06-06-2009, 01:51 AM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Well put, Quath. Nice concise explanation. I'll have to show it to my wife.
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  #14  
Old 06-06-2009, 01:19 PM
RaleighGuy RaleighGuy is offline
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It could be easy to use "I'm polyamorous" to avoid commitment. Where Quath suggests allowing love to "relax back into friendship", he is admitting it can be hard work to honor a commitment, and to keep a love alive and well. There is no real reason why one can't love two people (or more) at one time, and there is no guarantee that love will last forever- but once you have made a commitment, you should at least TRY to keep it. It's not that one person isn't enough, though, not really. Most of us don't fall in love on purpose. So making a second emotional connection is more like finding a four-leafed clover- it's a lucky accident. Spending a lot of time in clover patches can increase the odds, however.
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  #15  
Old 06-06-2009, 06:33 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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RG, nice analogy......I guess for those of us who accidently stumble upon this poly life and our second or third loves, it is like finding a 4 leaf clover. If I had known this clover patch was out there, I'd have been rolling in it sooner!
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  #16  
Old 06-06-2009, 06:49 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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I think it's unfair to assume that just because someone CAN be in love with more than one other person, that it means they are SEEKING to do so.
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  #17  
Old 06-06-2009, 08:25 PM
RaleighGuy RaleighGuy is offline
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I don't think I said or assumed that people are "seeking to fall in love". What I said was that people might be looking for sexual variety, and calling it polyamory, or they might be trying to avoid or break a commitment, and using polyamory as a tool. Probably not what it was meant for, in either case.
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  #18  
Old 06-06-2009, 09:12 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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That wasn't directed at what you said. It's just something that bugs me that's all.
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  #19  
Old 06-07-2009, 04:15 AM
cherrygirl cherrygirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alphafour View Post
So instead you choose to hurt many? Just think of all of the guys who would have been happy to share you. You hurt them all.

It is somewhat tongue in cheek, but also possible in a more poly oriented society.

You are the one who should be protectecting your own heart. If you have an opinion that nobody agrees with, do you change your opinion to stop hurting them, or do you realize that they don't necessarily have the facts, and thereby cannot develop the same opinion as you?

I see the facts differently. Sure, I let ladies who insist on monogamy find someone else. If leaving me hurts them, that is their decision to make.
Whoa, what? How am I hurting many? There's not been anybody else in 7 years that was remotely interested in me.

And the two guys I mentioned in my OP would never have been okay with sharing. Not in a million years.
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  #20  
Old 06-07-2009, 04:19 AM
cherrygirl cherrygirl is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I think it's unfair to assume that just because someone CAN be in love with more than one other person, that it means they are SEEKING to do so.
Is that directed at me?
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