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Old 02-21-2009, 10:23 PM
Keith's Avatar
Keith Keith is offline
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 19
Default Dealing with breakups

I'm fairly new to polyamory so there are, of course, many scenarios that I am unfamiliar with.

The thing I'm curious about currently is dealing with breakups and the relevance of "being on the rebound" in a poly relationship.

Now, in general terms as it relates to monogamy, that rebound period is the time after a breakup when you are emotionally vulnerable and may seek out temporary relationships for various reasons. Some of those reasons may or may not include "filling that void", affirmation that you are desirable, to mask your feeling of rejection, sex, etc. I'm sure you get the point.

Now I'm not completely sure that the rebound period may even exist for some poly people. I will use myself for example. I've always been naturally poly and always been capable of loving more than one person at a time. Usually, by the time a breakup happens I am comfortable with the outcome because I've already spent allot of time analyzing the situation, relationship, and my feelings. Personally, I rarely feel like I'm "on the rebound" after a breakup even when the breakup causes painful feelings. Even when I'm mourning that loss, it has never affected the way I already feel about someone else.

How does this work for some of you in a poly relationship with two or more people? Do you find that breakups can be less painful? How much does the added support of your other partner(s) help you through the mourning process? Do you think that you should give it some time before staring a new relationship with someone else? Do you think that those feelings of mourning can be isolated to that specific person with whom you just broke up with and still be able to enter a new healthy relationship soon after the breakup? How do you react and how do you feel when your partner goes through a breakup?

I'd love to hear any perspectives anyone may have on this. I know there is no set standard when it comes to polyamory with the exception of complete openness and honesty and I'd be interested to hear different viewpoints.
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breakups, monogamy, rebound

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