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  #11  
Old 10-25-2012, 07:38 AM
Numina Numina is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default Trying to view things Differently

It's been just over a week since I broke up with Chipmunk.

We talked about it, and she asked to try again with me. I told her no, that I can't, that I see us as broken up.

The next day I told her I didn't want her to see it as a rejection, just that I don't have it in me to date her right now, knowing that she's not into women like that.

Last night I talked to Airyn about it. Trying to understand why.

It started with me bring up my last heavy conversation with Airyn. I told him that nothing he said was wrong, but that he may not have fully understood what I was telling him. That when I say I want 2 days a week and at least 1 weekend a month that that gives him 3-5 day to "live" with someone else. He was quite for a moment. Then he agreed that he may not have truly looked at the amount of time like that. That he was feeling like Chipmunk moving out would really limit how much time he could comfortably spend with her. Then he told me to stop thinking so much about it.

Why do I spend so much energy putting her mental, and emotional health and well being in front of my own. Airyn has done this too, and I get angry with him about it sometimes. He usually responds confused, telling me that I was just thinking/acting the same way, why is it that when he does the same thing I get upset.

I told him that it is because I don't understand, that I feel like I'm less important. That my emotional, and mental health don't matter as much. That I do this to myself, and don't understand WHY? We talked for a long time. Airyn tells me that for him it's not that Chipmunks emotions are more important, but that he feels responsible for her. Because we brought her into this. That we talked her into this, she wasn't asking for it. We told her how great, wonderful, and amazing this life can be. And he feels responsible when things aren't working as well.

Hearing this helped. I realized that that's it. That I do feel responsible, guilty even. That I talked her into moving in, and things didn't turn out how we planned.

Then I told him how rejected I have been feeling, and he's telling me that it's not really like that. That Chipmunk isn't rejecting me. That she does want to be with me, she's just not gay. That she learned that she does want the girl flirty closeness, but that girl on girl sex, she just can't go there. They went out Tuesday to walk around Downtown, and stopped for dinner together afterwards. Chipmunk told him that she is sad, and hurt that I didn't want to try again. Obviously her hurt isn't the same as what I'm feeling, but she is hurt. Airyn told me that he said it's not that I don't want to, but that I know she's not gay. That she can't go as far with it as I want to, Chipmunk acknowledged this while they were talking.

So he's telling me that she's not rejecting me. That I need to let go of these feelings. He's telling me to stop over analyzing the things that make me feel better. To just let myself heal, and feel better. To stop worrying so much about the future. It's not here yet. Just take things one day at a time.

Then he tells me to go back to sleep. That I have to get up in a couple hours and I need my rest. He tells me we can talk about it more tomorrow, that he'll ask me how I'm feeling after I'm done thinking about things. He asked me again to not over analyze. That if our chat just now has help me to just let it be.

I told him that I will try. That I'm just trying to understand how I feel. That sometimes I don't understand what I'm feeling. That this not understanding makes it hard to talk about.

So we are working on it.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married

Last edited by Numina; 10-25-2012 at 08:47 AM.
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  #12  
Old 10-25-2012, 08:59 AM
Numina Numina is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default Hope in understanding

Time for some positive(ish) sharing.

I'm working on making friends in the bisexual world. I've connected via email, and facebook with a woman who has accepted her bisexuality more the 7 years ago, and has experience other women. She is married and her husband is open to her bisexuality. So they have a poly life, with her not currently dating any one, but with the understanding that she will date women again. she spends time on poly forums trying to prepare herself for the day her husband decides he wants a girlfriend too.

They are not looking for a third so there is not threesome type expectation on either side.
Airyn wants me to met her face to face. They both know that I want to get past my break up with Chipmunk, and that I'm just looking for friendship, companionship, someone to go out to gay/lesbian friendly parties, and locations with. Some one who wants to go out to these places and events cause they have the same wants, and understanding that I do.

Chipmunk offered to go with me to lesbian/bi restaurants, and get-togethers'. But I told her that since it's not a lifestyle she wants that I'd rather not take her. She likes to hold hands, and kiss and we generally look a lot like a couple when we go out just the two of us. So it's really not helpful. And it doesn't give me the separation I feel I need right now. I know she has talked to Airyn about this.

I thanked him just now for helping me work out how I'm feeling last night. I asked him to help me remember these things. That I am important, that I just feel guilty, and am trying to take responsibility. To remind me that it is not rejection, that Chipmunk wants as much intimacy as I am comfortable with, but that she's just not comfortable with sex because she's not gay. Not because she doesn't want me.

I told Airyn that WE need to tell Chipmunk that I'm trying to work through how I'm feeling, and that it's making me really needy of Airyn's time. That I'm not trying to alienate her. I'm just trying to understand how I feel, and to move past my disappointment, and all the difficulty I'm having with breaking up. I told Airyn that I don't want Chipmunk to think that my struggling right now is her fault, or that her being here makes it worse. I really think I can get past this. I just need time, and help.

Airyn says that tell her this will help with her personal stress a lot. I told him that I don't know if I can bring it up and say anything myself. That attempting to do so right now might just make me emotional, and that Chipmunk doesn't need that right now. Airyn offered to show Chipmunk our chat, or to read it directly to her later. I told him that I don't mind her reading it for herself. That as long as she knows it's coming from me, and isn't just Airyn trying to smooth thing over it should help.

Hopfully these next few days will help all of us be closer, and happier.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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  #13  
Old 10-26-2012, 09:05 AM
Numina Numina is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default Moving forward, and Meeting new people

So I'm chatting with a couple ladies I found on the poly/bi/gay friendly dating site.
They both know I'm not really looking for a partner right now, but that I'm looking for friendship. For someone I can hang out in the gay community with that won't feel strange when we are out.
Both of the women I am talking to have things in there lives that I can relate to. Both are Married, and bisexual. One has had girlfriends with the approval of her husband. She's not dating anyone right now, and at some point I think she would like to find someone again. We don't live very close, but are looking to meet up for some lesbian parties/get-to-gethers at some point, First though I'd like to meet for coffee or lunch, but our work schedules are very different.

She is a day walker. lol She works a typical 8a-5p shift, and I'm more night owlish. I work the midnight shift, and get home around 7am. So it'll be a weekend hang out thing.

The other lady works from home, but she lives farther away, and we are just chatting though the dateing site, not yet moved to email, or facebook yet. We are not yet talking about anything super personal, she seems a lot more shy, so I don't know how the dynamic with her husband is, or if she KNOWS she's bi or just THINKS she is. I'm not in a place where I can be a third to a couple. I'm not looking for a man, and the whole OPP from Airyn. I may not be looking to actually date, but I'd like friends with woman I could consider potential partners.

Either way it feels good to be making friends that I know understand. I've not really looked at this part of me for a long time. I've been with Airyn since High school, and figured out my interest in woman isn't felt by other woman in my 20's. So This has been very supressed. I never expected to have an opportunity to express this. Having had a mostly failed attempt with Chipmunk, as sad as that has made me, It leaves me wanting more. Can't put the cat back in the bag once it's tasted freedom, so to speak.

Airyn's been really good about this. Really he set me up with the first woman I openly flirted with. It was an online only long-distance relationship (she lives in Alaska, and I'm in Texas). She and I still had lots of fun. Web cam, dressing up, and talking naughty to each other. He's given me advice these last couple years for picking up woman. I've never actually taken the advice, but it was offered. Like I said I never really expected to get this opportunity. We considered something more serious with Alaska, but Airyn wasn't comfortable with Alaska's lack of interest in guys, and was not SURE how he'd feel being excluded (at that time).

Airyn has told me that this poly adventure was more for me then for himself. That Chipmunk was so interested in me when we meet, and so unsure of him. He fully expected that he'd have to work really hard to be even a cursory part of this relationship. He thinks that if our positions were reversed, and Chipmunk couldn't be as intimate with him as with me that he would be ok with it. He says that he doesn't know for sure since this isn't how things went, but either way he never set out for just him and Chipmunk to be dating, for this relationship to be him with a girlfriend, and me struggling.

Airyn believes that a time will come when I have a girlfriend and he won't, and he's pretty positive that he will be ok with that. He say that he wasn't sure about this till Chipmunk and I started going out on our own, and taking time together without him joining us. The first time he was uncomfortable, but as long as he has a heads up even just an hour or two, he's found he kinda likes it. He doesn't feel like he's losing time with me, but that he'll be helping me be who I have always been.

We talked about a lot, and I asked him about sharing our chat with Chipmunk, he told me he had already done that. lol, I had no idea, but I'm kinda glad. We had a good day out together today, and I had no idea she had read our chat. It was a nice stress free morning and afternoon. They had a thing on campus, and while they were taking care of that I was at the library with my computer. So I ordered Chipmunk's b-day gift, something I had pickout for her before we broke up. When they were done we left took Chipmunk to visit with her mom and get her birth certificate. While she was visiting her mom Airyn and I are talking about being hungry, so I suggest that we stop at a little German resturant for lunch. Chipmuck hasn't been, and her family is of German descent, Airyn and I have been there, and enjoyed it. Airyn likes the idea, and says that we shouldn't tell her were we are going, just that we will stop to eat, and that it's kinda an early b-day thing.

So Halloween shopping, lunch, then home for a bit. I re-dye Chipmunk's hair, and head out to pick up Wolf from her after school activity. Wolf is having a better week, and is bubbly with the excitement of practicing for her part in the fall/winter play. I get to bed later then I would have liked, but we all had a good day, I could tell Chipmunk was less stressed, and Airyn was glad to see me feeling better. That night Airyn ferries Chipmunk to a late night work meeting, and we talk some more. In the end I tell him that The break up sadness would probably be easier in this situation if Chipmunk and I didn't care so much for each other. He agrees that that could be part of why I'm struggling to get past this, then he kisses me and says he'll leave me be so I can try to get some more sleep.

I can see his sadness, and the strain the lack of time for us is causing for him too. He's sad that we've had so little time alone this week, and are looking at a long busy family packed weekend with no aloone time for us or for him and Chipmunk. It will be fun none-the-less.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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  #14  
Old 10-26-2012, 10:25 AM
Numina Numina is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default Halloween parting this weekend

Halloween is always a big event for my family. We love dressing up and scaring kid, teens, and parents. Normally we'd be headed out of town to create a Haunted Halloween trail through the woods at Airyn's mother's place. It's sooo much fun. We've been hosting this haunted trail for about 8 years now. It's was originally set up between the boy scouts and Airyn's mom for some safe holiday fun for young kids. Now it has grown to the point that high schoolers are showing up to be scared.

It's a big fun weekend. We carve a path through the woods, hollow out sections of underbrush and create scenes, usually we have a base theme for the year. Last year was Children of the corn, so we had corn stalks, a "living" scare crow, there was a request for Dracula to make a come back. So we set up our coffin and had a vampire. Then there was an orphanage area with some young girls playing dead, but moving as people walked by. And Wolf's smashing hit from the previous year, the Spider lair featuring small spiders (young kids dressed in black, with spiders painted on their faces). We added some sudden sound and motion shockers. A body dressing in jeans, flannel, and a ski mask (made of wood logs, and pvc pipes) let lose to Wolf's high pitched blood curdling scream to bang and rattle the chains on a very study gate right beside the walk path.

It was a huge success, The Trail in open Friday and Saturday night for about 3ish hours depending on the length of the line. The second night we saw a lot of the same people coming through from the previous night, and even more making more then one walk through. It's always good when you can scare the older participants. We know they come to the trail to be scared, so when you get that terrified reaction of the older teens hurrying down the path away from you, it is very gratifying. We have had pants soiled, and friends (who know everyone on the trail) get surprised and stumble back off the trail. One year we even had a hayride for the young characters, and the boy scouts. where we had someone throw up. She came back the next year for more scares, and to be a character on the trail again. No one has been traumatised, they all come to be scared because they know it's safe, no one will hurt them, touch them or even get very close. The fear is all in their imagination. We purposefully use natural lighting, tiki torchs, candles, and Jack-o-lanterns so the lights is soft and flikering. And the jack-o-lanterns are anything but friendly looking.

We often set up carnivorous pumpkins, where large pumpkins are eatting smaller ones. and a giant pumpkin king who appears to have torn several large pumpkins apart. then we have the parting pumpkins. With a toxic glowing one (we use opened glow sticks and poor the goop on/in the pumpkin) with warts, I take a ghost pumpkin and turn him into a vomiting pumpkin where multi colored pumpkin guts are spewing out of it's nose and mouse spaces and appear to have hit another pumpkin who has a shocked look on it's pumpkin face. There are several pumpkin scene along the trail, we like to spread them out so that they can be appreciated.

Personally I think the younger characters get more scars then us adults. With the crowd being predominatly elementary, and middle school age, those kids seem more scared of creature in there size then of adult sized monsters. One year we had a great unexpected extra scare for a couple groups walking down the trail for the first time. We had a family with several young kids, when the kids are really young we get informed so that we can tone things down a bit, but this one family had one kid who was really scared any way, and was crying and saying he just wanted to go home really loudly. Was great to see the next group of kids looking at this youngone worriedly. Made me think we should set something like that up purposely for next time.

This year we have decided we all want a break. setting up, designing, and creating the areas and costume is very tiring. It's a lot of hard physical work. So this year Airyn's mom is visiting us and we are gonna party out in the city. Friday night we'll be have smore crafted in a friend's fireplace, drinks, home made pizza, and a fun board game (Small World). Loud music, and goofying drunken dancing, and did I mention DRINKING. Saturday we'll be meeting up with some friends at a gay friendly block party. Sadly my group will contain mostly straight people. Sunday will be a recovery day at home with hot tea, coffee, and a warm breakfast. But there is sooo much to do, I'm not sure I'll have time to sit down till Sunday. It'll be a blast.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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  #15  
Old 10-30-2012, 11:11 AM
Numina Numina is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default This weekend: Part 1

How did this weekend go?

Thursday: I have been talking about going to the gay block party early with some straight friends from work. at one point I was hoping to meet up with a woman I meet online, but that didn't pan out. She had other plans and it was too late to change them. Friday morning I'm again talking with Airyn about going early as I'm still undecided. He asks why I'm going early, what the point it, and why not stay with him and his mom. I tell him that really it was just to participate in the gay community, but that since I would be going with only straight people, own of whom may act shocked/surprised at what he sees, that I'm not really feeling it's worth it. So in the end I'm talked into staying home, and going with Him, Chipmunk, and my MIL.

Friday my MIL arrives @ 3:45, I'm with Chipmunk taking her to a doctor's appointment.
MIL and Airyn pick Wolf up from school, and out for food and entertainment.

After the Doctor's appointment, Airyn asks us to meet him and his mom at a coffee house/restaurant. We have one more errand to run, but agree to meet them. After meeting up we easily kill a few hours snacking, and talking. Then head home to freshen up and meet my Friend (I'll call him GUY) at his place. We get there and start cooking right away. Airyn and his mom start mixing drinks for everyone. This is the second time we have hung out with Airyn's mom since Chipmunk came into our life. Mom is not liking how needy Chipmunk gets Friday night. It started when Chipmunk wanted another drink. We are all chatting with my friend, and Chipmunk is watching the stove (by her choice). She walks over to us (about 3 steps away) and shakes her glass at Airyn. Mom looks askance at this, but doesn't say anything. Chipmunk got her latest depo shot in her arm, so her arm is sore, and then after drink part of her second drink starts getting really moody, and sad. She goes and curls up on the couch in the living room, while the rest of us continue talking/having fun in the kitchen.

Airyn Checks on her, but comes right back. We line up some shots, but Chipmunk doesn't join us. I check on her and ask what's wrong. Chipmunk tells me that she is just sad, but doesn't know what is wrong. Guy offers Chipmunk the use of his bed so she can sleep, and Chipmunk moves to the bedroom. We are still having a good time laughing, drink, and generally just chatting about everything, and anything in the kitchen. Airyn and I take turns checking on Chipmunk. When I check on her she is on her phone being sad talking to her x (Who live out of state). I leave her to it after her telling me she only has a few mins to talk to him.

A few hours later the rest of us are sitting in the living room, and Guy gets a text from Chipmunk asking him to send Airyn to her. This set MIL off, and she tells me we need to talk. She and I head outside where she starts going off over Chipmunks neediness. Talking about how it was really rude of her to shake her glass in Airyn's face, and wrong it is for her to text him like that when she is just in the next room. I'm trying to tell her that the texting thing is just part of Chipmunks generation, that it is common for texting in the same room/house these days, and not to be upset over that. I tell her that the glass shaking thing is kind of a "pay attention to me" thing. That I really can't say anything to Airyn about it. That this is something they have to work out between them. That at 21 most women have that look at me mentality, I told her that I'm sure I did too, and that she probably was like that as well. Then I'm hugging her neck telling her that I love her, and that I'm so glad she came down to visit. She very upset that Chipmunk is keeping Airyn and her from spending what little time they have together in each other company. So I tell her I can fix that right now, and get Airyn back into the living room. That I can go talk to Chipmunk for a while.

So into the bedroom I tell Airyn hey your needed in the other room, and then whisper that Mom is pissed. and I cuddle a bit with Chipmunk and ask her what's wrong, She tells me she just wanted Airyn to be close, that she's just sad and doesn't know why. So I'm trying to explain to her that she really can't be like that this weekend. I ask her to save it for Sunday afternoon or Monday morning. That if she can do that then she can just tell me she needs a few hours or what ever alone with Airyn and I can do that. That right now Airyn's mom is here, they only get to see each other a few times a year. Mom is only here for a couple days, and it's really unfair to mom to pull Airyn away right now. Then I remind Chipmunk that all she has to do is tell us (Airyn and I) what she needs from us and that well will do what we can. Since she is still not feeling right and thinks it's the Depo shot she just got she and I talk about the next day. How Airyn talked me into staying home and going with them. That I was really only wanting to go early to hang out with the woman I met who is actually Bi. (I'm buzzed and not as tactful as usual) This causes Chipmunk to ask me if I'm trying to make her feel bad. I tell her no, I'm just telling her why I'm going with them since I do want to be a part of that community more.

After a while Airyn tells me it's time to go. I ask if he is ok to drive and he says yes. so Off we go. It's about 2:30am so Christina goes straight to bed, but us night owls stay up a while.
Mom is still upset, and takes the conversation she and I were having to Airyn. They are sitting out on the balcony so I knock on the door to warn them that I'd like to join them. There's no complaint so I have a seat, and just listen without comment. Airyn is looking at me kinda wide eyed, but all I can do is offer him a lopsided grin. I can't argue with anything Mom is saying as I've said most of it myself at one point or another.

It's after 3am before we call it a night. Around 8:30 the next morning I hear Mom getting up and by 9am I'm up hanging out with her having Coffee. I wake Maxx up at 9:30 with an offer of fresh brewed coffee, and he joins us. Christina is still mostly asleep, and appears to want to stay in bed after having such a bad day Friday. So we leave her alone. While making coffee together I talk to Airyn about the previous night. Telling him that it was nice that he wasn't so Johnny on the spot for Chipmunk this time. That he needs to make that the norm. That it is very immature for her to spend 75% of our weekends together being so moody and demanding of his time. Especially when we are all out together. That I'd like to see us leaving her to brood on her own, and just check on her once in a while. She should really be joining us and having fun or stay at home if she not up to having a good time.

What I don't mention is how the weekends are my only days off (minus vacation time). On Chipmunk's last day off he wanted me to be clam and non-emotional, because the day off before that had been very high stress and emotional for all of us. We'll see if things change.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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  #16  
Old 10-30-2012, 11:11 AM
Numina Numina is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default This Weekend: Part 2

So we are up and in the kitchen deciding what we want to do for the day. a couple hours later I'm off in the bedroom, Chipmunk is still mostly asleep so I'm trying to be quite while getting dressed. Airyn comes in the room and talks to Chipmunk telling her that we are going out and where we are planning to go. She just nods and rolls over. I finish getting dressed, and thinking she is still on the hormone roller coaster from the previous night. So I tell her to go back to sleep that getting enough rest should help her feel better. Beside she has to work that night, and wants to be up late at the block party having a good time with us. She nods, but doesn't say anything, and Airyn and I leave.

We are out just the 4 of us, Airyn, Mom, Wolf, and I have a fun family day together. We stop in a retro store, then stop for lunch, by then it is after noon, and we are all feeling sleep so we opt to go home and nap. At home Mom curls up in Wolfs bed, and Wolf gets on her computer. Airyn checks on Chipmunk. I decide to nap with them, and have an idea to help Chipmunk if her hormones are still making her feel out of sorts. Mydol, or Pamprin might just help. I walk in the room and it is immediately apparent that a very serious unhappy conversation is going on. I ask if everything is ok, and get bombarded with how we left Chipmunk, and she could call cause she's out of minutes on her cell. I tell her that she should have used the house phone, or texted Mom's phone to let us know she was up and wanted to join us. But she is just really really angry, so I get up and leave the room deciding that anything I say will make things worse and that I'd rather nap with Mom.

Airyn stays with her and works to talk it out. What it boils down to. When Airyn got up and went to give Chipmunk good morning Kisses she turned away from him like she was still sad and want to be alone. Since she didn't tell either of us otherwise, or attempt to join us before we left the house, or get up and dressed when I was getting ready to go we both assumed that she had no interest in going. She felt that Airyn should have asked her if she wanted to go. He tells her that her turning away from him when he was trying to give her kisses told him she wanted nothing to do with him that morning, and that he can't read her mind she has to tell him what she wants/needs. Airyn tells me later that Chipmunk was realizing that she messed up, that he let her rage and stomp around for a bit then stopped her in her tracks with hugs and wouldn't let her go. She cried it out, but was still sad when she left for work that afternoon. I talk to him after he comes home from dropping Chipmunk off, trying to figure out what happened. I told him why I came in the room (the idea that mydol, or pamprin might help her). Then told him that I left feeling like I was being attacked for leaving her out, but that she never once let on that she wanted to go.

Airyn tells me that what happened after I left the room, and that Chipmunk is realizing that she hasn't spent her time wisely cause she still has costume issue to be fixed. I tell Airyn that she had plenty of time to work on it and that I don't feel sorry for her. I also tell him that I'm not being negative, as I've done the same thing and left the adjustment and prep for my costume to the last minute too. I remind him that we have all had the same amount of time nothing had to be left till the last day, we all procrastinated. Then we are out more shopping, another stop at a restaurant, and again more shopping pick up fun things from Mom that she can't get where she lives. Back at home Airyn helps me get my costume laced, and Iron's Chipmunks outfit. We also find her glasses broken in half, and Airyn superglue them back together so that they aren't a complete loss. All the while Airyn is texting Chipmunk letting her know what we are doing. Trying to keep her from overly worrying about how long it will take to get ready after she gets off.

I have decided to be the designated drive, and lay down for a nap after searching for a missing bag of Halloween makeup. Airyn is slightly worried as I was getting frustrated over it. So he's asking me if everything is ok. I just tell him I'm sleepy, and that I need to nap so I can drive safely after the block party. He lets me sleep for about 3 hours. Waking me up after picking Chipmunk up from work. So we are all 4 in the bedroom/bathroom getting changed, and makeup for our costumes. It takes longer then we though as we only have 2 makeup mirrors and 4 full faces of makeup to do. Once we are ready we stop at Guys house and pick him up to go with us. Find a place to park, and have about 3-4 block to get to the block party.

Airyn and Chipmunk are both a little buzzed as they did shots together before we left the house. And neither of them can remember how far we are going, so I explain it a couple times, but after that only tell them we are almost there. Airyn stops asking, Chipmunk doesn't, and keeps getting the same answer. We are all moving a a leisurely pace nothing to fast as Chipmunk is wearing 4 or 5 inch high heels, and tends to walk slower then the rest of us any way. Then we get to the right spot, and start seeing the crowd. We are trying to stay together, Airyn and I are up front, with everyone else behind us. Mom is directly behind us and saying how cool this is and how she's never been to anything like it before. We are all checking out everyone elses costumes. And we aren't even THERE yet.

The next thing we know Chipmunk is several paces ahead of everyone. I call out to her, and ask if she knows where she's going. We are intending to meet up with a friend of her's at one of the bars for a moment or two. She has no Idea where the bar is and waits on the group to catch up to her. A few mins later she off well a head again, and I'm telling Airyn to slow her down. He catches up to her and links arms. They slow down for a bit, but again get well ahead. at this point I'm starting to get frustrated. I tell Airyn to slow down. They do for a little while, but again Chipmunk is getting to far a head for everyone else. So I get Airyn's attention (they are no longer arm in arm), and tell him that he has to slow her down or I'm going to let her get lost in the crowd. That she has made me slow down for her every time we have go out as a group she can damn well slow down and allow us to site see. That mostly works. Now Chipmunk is trying to get us to all hold hands or link arms. But since that wasn't the issue I'm not interested. I tell her that I know how to walk though a crowd. Still they end up ahead of everyone, but Airyn stops her once he realize they have gotten ahead. This works and we get back together as a group, and find the right bar.

It's pack, there is a line, and a mandatory ID check. Mom didn't bring her ID as she thought we'd be staying on the street. Chipmunk wants to meet up with her friend and tells us she is going in. So we wait outside for like 15-20 mins. Airyn texts her to make it quick cause we want to be able to move around. In the end we are there just under 2 hours, get to see lots of interesting people all dress up and drinking, having a good time. Airyn take lots of pictures, about 200. With everyone moving only about 50 or so will be worth keeping. We get home, and Chipmunk heads off to bed while Airyn, mom, and I start looking at his pictures. there are some really good ones in there. Including a few I took of Airyn and his Mom. We are talking about how cool the block party was, and talking about next year. Mom had so much fun that we've decided to move the Haunted Trail up a weekend so that we can go again. We want to go earlier and get a spot on a balcony next time.

Is it wrong of me to have gotten upset at Chipmunk Saturday night? to have gone off on Airyn about it? Maybe, I'm not sure. I do feel that it was very inconsiderate of her to being rushing off like that. She is normally the slowest one in the group, but this time she was wanting to be seen in her sex Halloween costume, and was leaving us behind. Not that we were walking at our normal fast pace, but still we all wanted to see what was going on. Site seeing usually means you walk slower then normal.

What about Friday, was I wrong to ask her to wait to have alone time with Airyn? Is his mom wrong for getting upset? I don't think so. Chipmunk has begun making a habit of getting moody, emotional, and needy of Airyn's time and attention when we are hanging out with friends on the weekends. And Airyn has played to her needs by staying close to her, often excluding/ignoring me entirely. The ignoring thing has gotten better, but that took a lot of work between Airyn and I. He asked me to point out when I'm feeling left out, so he would know, and could be more aware. I did this once, and still spent the evening only seeing the back of his head as he spent his time paying attention to Chipmunk mostly excluding me, and Guy who was over at our place. We talked about it afterwards, and things got better. Now he makes more of an effort to be close to me. He doesn't move away when I come over to him, and I haven't been left seeing only the back of his head in a while. I also haven't had to point out that I moved closer to him for a reason.
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Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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  #17  
Old 10-30-2012, 11:48 AM
Numina Numina is offline
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Default Questions, questions, and more questions

Sunday Mom has to leave to get home, and Chipmunk has plans with her family. Pre-Birthday get together, her Birthday is Monday. Having gone to bed between 2:30, and 3:30 am the past two morning we all sleep till about 10am then help get Mom's car packed. Airyn, Wolf and I follow her to Whole Foods for some last minute grocery shopping for items she can't get close to her home. Mom ends up leaving around noon. Chipmunk stayed home to get dress up for her family get together. We pick up Chipmunk and drop her off at her mom's place.

When we get home Airyn goes back to his photo's from the night before uploading some to facebook so Mom will have something to see when she gets home. I start cleaning. The kitchen is piled high with dishes, and the bedroom has clothes, and makeup scattered all over the place. So I start in the kitchen. I clear off the coffee counter, and am washing dishes (by hand) Airyn notices what I'm doing and comments on it. He says that it's really rare for me to do dishes, and hugs me from behind. I tell him that I know it makes him happy when he doesn't have to do them. To which he replies that I'm not supposed to be doing dishes, I just shrug. It is our way for me to work outside the home, and for Airyn to keep the house; cooking, cleaning, watch Wolf, ect.

Then I move towards the bedroom. I tell Airyn that I'd like to relax and have time to play our computer game some, but that the bedroom has to get cleaned up for us to be able to relax. We get everything cleaned up, and spend the next couple hours just reconnecting, and relaxing together. With me having to work then next morning I'm in bed earlish. With so little sleep over the weekend it's not to difficult to fall asleep. Even better Airyn's sleepy to so we snuggle and such till I'm a sleep. He gets up at some point, gives me kisses, and heads to the other room to keep an eye on Wolf, make food, and pack me a lunch for work. I wake up a few hours later hungry, and join him in the kitchen for a snack. I hang out with him for about an hour then tell him I'm going to try to go back to sleep. He follows me, and says he could use a nap, sets up a timer/alarm, and joins me in bed. We have a great time, and before long are both a sleep. I'm still fast a sleep when he gets back up. Chipmunk gets home late, and they come let me know she's home. It's all very sweet.

So now it's Monday, I'm up getting ready for work. I tell Airyn that if they plan to go to school I may want to stay home and sleep. That I'll see how I feel when I get off work. He's ok with it, but says he'd like me to go with them, he likes having me close by. By the time I get home, and take Wolf to school it's 8:30am before I can get a nap. I'm really sleepy. Airyn asks me to set an alarm for 9am. I do, then snuggle up against his back and drift off. They get up with the alarm, but I'm so sleepy I barely wake up. Around 10 Airyn checks on me asking if I'm staying in bed. Which of course I am. Then he says that they are stopping at a taco place Chipmunk wants to try when they get done with class, and tells me to message him when I wake up. I say ok, have fun. Chipmunk comes and kisses me bye then say, Love ya. on her way out.

I am floored, she hasn't said anything like that to me since before she moved in. It makes me sad, as I wish the love she was offering were more then that. Then it hits me. I still want her. I struggle with this new sadness, as they are headed for school, but eventually fall back to sleep. Their class gets out just before 1pm, and I wake up at 2:30. See that they are out still and send a message to Airyn saying I'm up and asking how things are going. Today is Chipmunk's Birthday. I check my messages and email, and start responding to everyone. I'm just getting dressed to go for a walk and pick up Wolf when they get home.

I tell them that I've only been awake about 30 mins, and was about to get ready to walk to pick Wolf up as I didn't know when they'd get home. Airyn says I should know that he would leave me to walk to Wolf's school. I told him I figured I'd see them there that they might just go straight there while they were out, but that since he didn't get/respond to my message I wasn't sure. No anger or animosity. Airyn's glad that I look so rested, and Chipmunk is looking happy and relaxed. She has looked that stress free for a while now. So I tell Airyn that I'm glad I stayed home, that even if I hadn't slept it would have been the right thing to do. That I can tell Chipmunk had a good day out with him. They take me back to the Taco place as it was really yummy, and I haven't eaten since work. Airyn suggests the 1$ donation to breast cancer Margarita to go with my taco. Having not eaten that one drink was enough for me to not be up for driving. So Airyn takes over.

I'm laughing by the time we get home telling them that they are a bad influence. That they got my drunk in the middle of the day. Then Chipmunk lays down to get a nap before her parents pick her up for her Birthday dinner with them. I'm messing around on the computer, and finishing answering my messages for the day while Chipmunk is getting up and dressed to meet her parents. This time she doesn't say by she just leaves. I comment about it when Airyn tells me she gone. But he says she was hurrying as her parent had been waiting for a little while. I'm a little down cast, and I tell him how surprised I was when she said "love ya" on their way to school that she hadn't said that since before she moved in, and my disappointment that it was all she could offer. That I realized as they were leaving that I still want her. Want more from her then she can offer. He just hugs me and say not to be sad.

So we start talking about Chipmunk and her family while taking a shower. He's talking about Chipmunks sometime aversion to public displays of affection. They been talking about it. He's been hurt that she sometimes avoids his kisses when we are out. Thinking that she's ashamed of him or something. I tell him that it's worse for me and point out that even though Chipmunk worked for a very gay friendly environment (her previous job had 50% gay/lesbian employees), she never once referred to me as her girlfriend. It was always about him. But when we are getting out of the shower I give Airyn some very suggestive kisses and tell him no more depressing talk. Lets just say that we didn't actually get dressed after that. Then he's telling me how late it is and suggesting that I try to sleep. He tells me he'll check on me later, but needs to make dinner for Wolf.

Airyn didn't really respond to my statement that Chipmunk never referred to dating me, or that I was her girlfriend. That she always chose to tell co-workers that she was dating Airyn. He had a somewhat surprised look on his face. I could tell he had not thought of it. But having openly spoke it I realized that Chipmunk never saw me as a viable relationship for her. It just makes me sad, and confused. If I wasn't a viable relationship then why was she all over me at the restaurant that first night? Why was she so quick to continue flirting with me after that night? I don't have any answers only more questions.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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  #18  
Old 10-30-2012, 08:12 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Hey there. I just wanted to say that I really feel for you, and to offer some thoughts.

It seems like you are in a tremendously difficult situation. Living with a metamour seems to always take a lot of careful negotiation and adjustment, but to also have her be your ex? Yikes. In general, no one wants to have to be around their ex more than necessary right after a break up, it takes time to heal. She is also very young (I know that I was way immature at 21), and it seems like she has a ways to go on her communication skills, and on understanding what she wants and what she can give.

Taken altogether, it seems really unfair to you to expect things to continue as is. You guys moved Chipmunk in as a way to get her away from her controlling Mom, which was kind of you, but based on the amount of time you were dating, it was probably premature, and now, based on all the factors above, it no longer seems like the right or good thing. Another factor is that it seems like she and Airyn are fighting a lot -- I would take this as another sign that more space would be better.

You mention Airyn not wanting her to feel like less than an equal partner, but how can a girlfriend of less than a year be "equal" to a wife and co-parent of many years? He and you have an OPP but, at least based on her pursuing J, there isn't one with her -- is that "equal"? Equality just doesn't seem like a reasonable expectation here. Now, of course you want to be fair to all involved here. But, as Franklin Veaux points out in this great essay --http://www.morethantwo.com/polyfairness.html -- symmetry is not the same thing as fairness.

Anyways, I don't wish to criticize you guys for making mistakes -- lord knows I have, in my day -- just to point out what I'm seeing.

Good luck with everything!!! I am sure that you will find a woman who loves and wants you for you in time.
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  #19  
Old 10-30-2012, 10:32 PM
Numina Numina is offline
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Thanks for your thoughts AnnabelMore, you are one of many posters who's thoughts and opinions I value and have made me willing to share my experience here on these forums. I don't feel as though you are criticizing us. We made lots of mistakes early on. I haven't talked about that first month except for a select few moments, and even those I glossed over.

How the lack of attention from either of them made me so self conscious that I felt ugly, undesirable, and very not sexy. That I had an almost melt down over it. That I started going to bed fully dress so they wouldn't have to see me naked. I had self esteem issue as a teen and thought I was over it, but those first months proved that wrong. I'm still recovering from it. And I know how men view me small, dark, and busty. I know some where deep down that guys want to see me naked, but sometimes it is very hard to feel that way. I don't really care about what a random dude wants. I care what Airyn wants, and sadly what Chipmunk should have wanted. It really would be easier if she and I didn't care about each other.

Moving Chipmunk in when we did was good for Chipmunk, but not good for Airyn and I. However we both made a promise, that she would never have to go back to her abusive, dominating mother. I don't make many promises, so when I do I intend to keep them. It's why she is still living with us and not looking for a place of her own or being moved out. Besides it seems a bit unfair for me to require that. I don't hate her, she's just not gay. So seeing her and knowing what I wanted just hurts. I do my best to not think about it, but some times something will set me off. *Shrug*

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
In general, no one wants to have to be around their ex more than necessary right after a break up, it takes time to heal. She is also very young (I know that I was way immature at 21), and it seems like she has a ways to go on her communication skills, and on understanding what she wants and what she can give.
Yes exactly. I really wanted space away from her, not having to see her for a while, and definitely don't want to come home from work to her curled up half naked in my bed with Airyn (5 nights a week), but these are the living arrangements, so I'm kinda stuck with this right now. Airyn knows how I feel about it, and wants me to try to work through it. They both know I'm being a bit needier then usually, and they know why. I said some things that while I may have legitimately meant them I didn't necessarily mean them. Does that make since? I am trying to be fair about it, and give them space when Chipmunk is being needy too. I'm about to have a week and a half of vacation time it will be interesting to see how things go during this time with me home 24 hours a day.
One of the things we want to try to make it easier is to get a day bed so that time can be split where 3 days a week Chipmunk and I spend on the day bed, we haven't figured how we will split the 7th day yet. Since we don't have the day bed picked out and bought it's a moot point.

Yes she is very young, and of the three of us is the worst at communication. I'm not saying that I'm excellent, but I have worked on it more and have gotten better at it. I still struggle, and once I've been rebuffed I find it difficult to come back to the same subject with that person for a long while.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Another factor is that it seems like she and Airyn are fighting a lot -- I would take this as another sign that more space would be better.
There is good and bad in every relationship. On a whole they have a good relationship, but the bad days, the arguments stick out for me and are the things I need/want to talk about. For one thing Monday was obviously a really good day for the two of them.


Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
You mention Airyn not wanting her to feel like less than an equal partner, but how can a girlfriend of less than a year be "equal" to a wife and co-parent of many years? He and you have an OPP but, at least based on her pursuing J, there isn't one with her -- is that "equal"? Equality just doesn't seem like a reasonable expectation here. Now, of course you want to be fair to all involved here. But, as Franklin Veaux points out in this great essay --http://www.morethantwo.com/polyfairness.html -- symmetry is not the same thing as fairness.
I also did ask Airyn how a relationship of 5 months is supposed to be equal to one of 20 years. It was said in a rhetorical fashion and was meant to make him think, so haven't heard any more about it.

It does my heart good to see that I'm not the only one thinking it ridiculous that a 5 month long relationship should be on the same footing as one of 20 years. Don't get me wrong her feeling, are just as valid as my own, and her well-being is just as important. However her receiving the better parts of my life with Airyn just sucks.

Oddly the issue many married women have with PIV have not come up for me. It's not PIV I have issue with. I miss certain aspect of my sex life with Airyn that aren't available with Chipmunk living with us, but the two of them having alone time for PIV doesn't bother me in and of itself. Now when Airyn told me that the hooks he asked me to buy at the hardware store years ago were for some kinky sex stuff, and then said in front of me to chipmunk that he was going to put her on the hook that night. With them having originally been bought for he and I, and us not having used them once. THAT bothered me A LOT. Or when he chose to do some new kinky thing with me one evening, then I come home from work and see that just a few hours later he was sharing that same experience with Chipmunk. That really bothered me too. And it didn't help that he pointed out he had that idea days ago and could have shared that with her at any time. Sure he was trying to say that he wait so he could share that with me first, but I really didn't need to be feeling all special and sexy, then come home to see it wasn't special between he and I for long.

So that is very different for the usually PIV hang ups I have read. I'm more sadden by the non-sexual things that Airyn and I don't get anymore.
We used to stay up late on Friday and Saturday nights watching movies curled up in bed. Sure it usually turned to Sex, but it's not just the sex part that I miss. So when he tells me he's going to watch a movie with Chipmunk "tonight" it makes me sad for what I'm missing. I told him last time that I miss getting to do that. Gees just writing about it is choking me up.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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  #20  
Old 10-31-2012, 10:51 PM
Numina Numina is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139
Default Wth??

So I've been crusin along if not all sparkles and happiness at least not depressed or angry, but it doesn't seem to take much to set me off. Why? and why something that might not seem like a big deal to anyone else?

Texting or instant messaging

Maybe there is a beginning and I can try to start there.
I've work for the same company for almost 9 years now. the past 6 years I have had a desk job and internet access. I work the graveyard shift. Get to work at 1am call Airyn to let him know I'm at work, then get online and chat via gmail's chat service. Airyn would stay up chatting with me till 2,3 sometime 4am.

Now Chipmunk lives with us, and Airyn is rarely actively on this chat we used to use. I wasn't letting it get to me for a while there, but a couple times he suggested he'd be on and then would send like one message, and I'd not hear another thing from him for the rest of my shift. I found this frustrating. I'm sure I said something about it at least once, I know I told him not to offer to be on the chat service when he's not going to actually be there.

So over the past three months 85% of the time he's not on. Occasionally he's on long enough to send me a message or two, but not for any actual conversation. Once or twice he has actually been online and actively chatting with me. This is one of the things I really miss.

Anyway, he usually just disappears, doesn't say he's going to bed, or good night, or see you in a few hours nothing. He used to tell me he was going to sleep. He just stops responding to my messages. I've just kind of blown this off. I know I haven't said anything to him, but maybe once. Like it would be nice to know your going to bed so I'm not still messaging you and waiting for your response. But not like it was a big deal.

So Tuesday morning Chipmunk has to be to work before I get home. Airyn walks her to work, and is in bed falling back to sleep when I come home and take our kid to school. I get about a 2 hour nap, but knowing Airyn hadn't slept much let him sleep till about noonish. Wake him up for a "happy morning". For him, not me. It's just something I enjoy. Anyway, we cuddle for a moment then he's leaning across the bed and Messaging Chipmunk, "I'm awake now". I didn't say anything, but after that I no longer had any interest in cuddling nor was I expecting any more sexy time with him.

A few mins later we are both dressed, and Airyn is talking about his Photography assignment. He sets up the scene he wants, and uses me as a model. all you can actually see is my rear end, and legs. What ever. the image turns out nice for the assignment, somewhat bizarre, but good.

Then we pick Chipmunk up, and he's telling me about a scene he wants to do with her as the model, covered in her stuffed animals wearing an old top I got from my mom. It sounds cool. We get home and he sets up a completely different scene. Tell chipmunk that he needs her to get in the shower and get her hair wet, she wants him to join her. I give my blessing. He gets out and makes a comment about the two of us girls being needy, and demanding. He's referring to sexy times. I tell him he can't really say that about me considering this morning, unless he thinks waking up at noon is demanding. He just giggles, and goes to finish setting up this new scene for Chipmunk.

It's rather sexy especially compared to what he asked me to do, or what he said he was going to do with Chipmunk. After getting several pictures, he starts putting the room back in order. I offer to take over and finish. While checking out the images he see that they are not in focus and he has to redo the scene. So I'm trying to help him put it back together and he's getting sharp with me till i finally toss something he's looking for at his feet and start to walk out. He acts all shocked by this and All I tell him is that I had been trying to help him out, nothing more.

He get chipmunk naked again and in place. These image turn out good, and he posts them to facebook. He also adds these images to his deviant art account. The one of Chipmunk gets a "Can we feature your image" request. It's a good photo, but he leaves his deviant art page up, and tells me I can use my computer again. I briefly scroll the page, and tell him I have no idea why I'm looking at his deviant art sight he just laughs and tell me he forgot to switch back to my pages.

I'm not happy at this point. I've noticed something, but can't figure out what it is that is making me grumpy. So I head off to the bedroom for some ME time. Airyn comes in a apologize for getting snippy at me while resetting up his scene, I accept, but don't say much.

Today I'm expecting to work. This was supposed to be my vacation week, but I was asked to come in for a couple days to cover my boss since he was pulled to another building. I get ready, and Airyn walks me to the car (we always do this). While talking at the car he tells me that taking a nap that day he's not feeling very sleepy, and will probably be up lateish. I call him from work just after 1am. Tell him I'm getting logged in and I'll see him in the chat. He says that they are still in the kitchen, and he doesn't know when they will be going to bed.

Ok So I'm getting my work PC's set up, and getting the websites I use logged in, including gmail, and my boss walks in the door. This is about 5 mins after I hang up with Airyn. I laugh and say so I can go home now, and then start getting my things together to leave.

Knowing that Airyn and Chipmunk are expecting to have the evening to themselves, and that Chipmunk doesn't have to work the next morning I send a gmail message letting Airyn know that my boss came in, and sent me home. That I'll be home in 30ish mins.

I get home (1:45), and know right away (from the closed bedroom windows) that they are in the bedroom. I'm assuming that they are ahh busy, so I take my time. I don't want to interrupt, and since Airyn was telling me he was going to stay up late I figure he'll check his gmail after. I send him a message after what I think is a reasonable time, thinking that he'll hear the "new Message" beep, no response. So I wait a little longer, then Message Chipmunks phone knowing how she always has it with her in bed. But not tonight. I hear her phone get my message, and see that it is in the kitchen window.

During this time I have plugged in headphone, and I'm listening to load music and reading these forums. A blog that I enjoy. Right around 2ish someone was in the bathroom I saw the light go out. I know that this doesn't mean that they are done necessarily, so I was still feeling like I needed to give them time. Alright so now it's 2:30 and I call the house phone from my cell. Hoping that it will ring in the bedroom. It does, and Airyn answers. I tell him to check his gmail. he's really confused, saying he was asleep. I tell him nevermind hang up the phone, and go to open the door. It's locked. back to the kitchen for the key, unlock door, enter room to confused Airyn.

I thought you were at work, I thought you would check your gmail at least once after I called since you were planning to stay up late. Nevermind, I'm really tire from lack of sleep the previous day. Well come to bed then. in bed, not falling asleep. WHY AM I MAD?

neither of us could have know that I would get the day off.

So I get up and take Wolf to school, back into bed, and can't fall back to sleep. The sleep I did get seems to have cleared my thought some and I'm starting to GET it. Airyns alarm for their class goes off after about 30mins of me being back in bed. Up we get and ready for the day.

In the kitchen I'm heating up my pasta from my lunch and Airyn is telling me he was really confused when I called and that I hung up on him. I tell him that the door was lock, but i hung up because I was about to walk into the room. Then I lay it out for him.

WTH? How is it that you never tell me your going to be that your no longer up and able to chat with me WHEN you do send me messages, but before you even get out of bed you can message Chipmunk to tell her you up? WTF? I'm obviously pissed. Turn my back and don't say anything else about it. He doesn't either. I have yet to say anything about how he hasn't taken a "GOOD" picture of me since chipmunk moved in. How all the sensual photos he took of the two of us the ones he thought of as "good" we her's that even the portraits that he posts to his deviant art page he hasn't had me in any of them. In three months the only "GOOD" pic he has taken of me was the one that you can't tell who is in the photo.

Airyn has told me that he is very picky about what he post to deviant art that the photos have to be really GOOD or he doesn't bother. So 20 years together, and a 5 month old relationship he's suddenly unable to get a picture of me he considers good? And he has not looking at me as a model for his sexy pictures any more? WTH?

WTH, WTF?

And he wonders why I don't feel wanted, sexy, desirable.
__________________
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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age difference, ffm, fmf, third partner, triad fallout, triads

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