Insecure, and in need of advice
I knew I needed help about something in this. I just couldn't grasp exatly what I needed advice about, tough. I decided to register in the foruns and start posting anyways. So I saw one of thoses signatures where people describe their curent relationships. And I was like: Cool, let's do one of those, it'll make things a lot easier for me and others, no explaining who's who all the time.
Then I realised. I need advice because my new relationship, the one who brought me to this forum for research in the first place, is incredibly complicated in my head. I didn't even know how to explain who CC is on my signature.
So, warning: huge post ahead.
Also, English is not my first language. Sorry about grammar mistakes and ocasional caveman-like speech. XD
Fast background-story: Me and Peaches have a long date relashionship and have been talking about being poly for a long time now. This is my first time actually being with someone else, though. This someone else is CC, who's been my best friend for over a year before this.
Initially the arrangement between CC and I was that our "thing" was to be sexual only. Besides, of course, staying the best friends ever. FWB, if you will. I was totally fine with that.
And it worked out great... For like, two weeks. u_u
Then, CC says he needs to talk about this and confesses he's developing feelings for me, and fears he'll be jaleous of Peaches. Since he knows it's my nature to be poly, and that I love Peaches very much, he said we would never ask of me to choose between then. He said him breaking our original agreement and getting between me and Peaches would be disrespectful to me and he would rather step back now, before any one of us got hurt, so we could still be best friends like before.
It stung BAD to let him go away. Made me realise I had feelings for him as well, and his respectfull attitude about it and how he kept being the best friend in the world just made me love him more.
About a month passed since this, and I was feeling better about the separation, but the feelings for him were still there.
We have this habit of spending time talking in parks and sharing candy. We were doing this when he kissed me again, out of the blue, like we had never stoped dating. Then we had a long talk about it.
I made sure to state that I had feelings as well, and that I missed him, but me being poly and loving Peaches didn't change, or would change.
He said that his worst problem was about how frequently we were having dates and how we were making out all the time and never talking (which I didn't really like too) and how he was jaleous how Peaches got to cuddle and talk to me, and watch movies and hold hands. And how he'd like to resume our relationship IF we took care to not see each other (romanticaly) this often, so he could keep his feelings for me and his jaleousy under control.
It's beeing great now. I feel we found the so needed balance. Thing is... I do have feelings for him. For now this "FWB" configurations is ok for me. But we do have romantic moments, I feel he's emotionaly engaged too. It's never been just sex for neither of us, in fact.
And that leaves me afraid.
1.Because he has this mono-tendencies. His wish to be mono with me (and me with him) actually made him give this up once. Everytime we have a nice, romantic evening, I find myself in fear the next morning, like he could snap at any time and say: I can't do this.
2.Mono-tendencies also makes me have it in my head that at any random time some amazing girl will pop up on his life and say: I'll be yours, and yours only. And then he'll leave me. It's not like he'll choose me. I'm only his FWB. It's not like he's poly, so there can be room in his life for both of us, me and this hypotetical gosth.
3.I think I'm a little hurt by him setting limits on how much he can love me. It came across as "poly girls are not good enough to show mommy" at first and though he told me he just felt he is "forbiden" to love me because Peaches "got there first". I did explain to him that it's nothing like this, but I don't know if my explanation was any good.
4.I feel he's conecting emotionally to me everyday more and more. So am I with him. But I don't think he'll admit it, and I am very afraid to tell him I actually love him as much as I love Peaches (tough, of course, we don't have the same intimacy just yet) and end up back to best friends only.
I am so happy right now and everything is perfect for me at the moment. These are worries I have for our future. I want to be able to let my love for him grow without fearing to spoil our relationship by loving too much. Which sound unbelievably dumb in my head, but still.
So, that's it. Advice is welcome. Similar life situations are welcome. Dammit, a pat on the back and a "there there" is welcome. XD
Just remembering: I'm not hurting because of it right now. Just aprehensive that I might hurt someday. Thanks in advance.
Me, female in a V with Peaches, live in boyfriend and CC, boyfriend.
Last edited by MoonElf; 10-22-2012 at 07:58 PM.
|insecurity, mono poly, new comer|