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  #11  
Old 05-13-2009, 04:51 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Redpepper, my situation is a bit different and I don't have a lot of experience,but I thought I'd share what my quad is doing.

Wife #2 and I talked, and we kind of feel like trying to balance the affection obsessively is leaving everyone feeling left out. So we figured that we should all just give affection as much as possible to everyone involved, so much affection that we'll all be sick of it. I don't know if it's working yet, but we kind of think that it can't hurt.

As for kids, between us we have a 14yo, a 10yo, a 7yo, and a 3yo. The 14yo we told about our new extended family, and tried to reassure him that we will all love him. The younger ones we haven't come out and told anything, but I think they have the advantage of not having spent so much time absorbing society's ideas of what a proper relationship should be. We are a little careful what kind of affection we show around them--husband #2 won't kiss me when the kids are around, but we share plenty of hugs. When my 10yo exclaimed that she was going to tell Daddy that I was hugging husband #2 when he wasn't around, husband #2 just laughed and hugged her. We try to keep our reactions light and not act like we are doing anything shameful. The 7yo and the 3yo have made no comments whatsoever about the way we express affection yet.
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  #12  
Old 05-13-2009, 05:45 PM
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I guess I lucked out. My wives love each other deeply as I love each of them. We often joke that if one of us wasn't around, the other two would carry on. (Not that we EVER want that to happen)

As far as the affection goes, because everyone knows about us we don't have to hide anything when we're out. When I look back to when our gf came to live with us, I can't think of any akwardness. I think it helped that my wife and I had been together for so long, and were so solid in our relationship. It was a pretty seamless integration.

We all sleep in the same bed (Thank God for King sized beds!!) and share every aspect of our lives. We each get alone time when we can and no one feels neglected in any way. (Wife leaves earlier for work so the gf and I have alone time...gf gets home from work later so wife and I have our time, and when I work late the girls have their time)

I think the biggest piece to any aspect of the Poly lifestyle is communication. I talk about that all the time to my monogamous friends who inquire about our lifestyle. Without completely open lines of communication, I doubt anyone can have a successful Poly relationship.
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  #13  
Old 05-13-2009, 06:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Danny40179 View Post
Without completely open lines of communication, I doubt anyone can have a successful Poly relationship.

I am with you on this. Absolutely agree.
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  #14  
Old 05-24-2009, 10:05 PM
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Ive yet to sleep over when my bfs wife is home but i assume we would all sleep in the same bed. Other times ive been over with them we all cuddle togehter watching movies, he sits in the middle while wife and gf snuggle up on either side of him. Out in public same thing, he sits between us, stands between us and we all hold hands. Weve gone to disneyland together once and it went well. We took turns sitting with him on rides where it was a 2 seater or she and i would ride together while he sat alone, we would snuggle up together on bigger rides and on the carasoul (sp?) he again sat in the middle of us while all on horsies. We got a few stares but nothing major we werent openly touching or making out or putting on a spectical just holding hands, cuddling and the occasional peck on the lips.

I have to admit lately i feel a little awkward having to much contact with him with wife around because we are having a lil trouble re: the post i made in new to poly, im never sure how she will react or what she allows.
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Last edited by Alhena; 05-24-2009 at 10:07 PM.
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  #15  
Old 05-25-2009, 02:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Alhena View Post
Ive yet to sleep over when my bfs wife is home but i assume we would all sleep in the same bed. .
That's quite an assumption! I do sleep over but I stay in a seperate bed which is perfectly fine by me LOL! I always worry about encroaching on thier time as it is. We are not there and may never be there. I am ok with that but I know Redpepper would absolutley love to wake up next to both her husband and me!
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  #16  
Old 05-25-2009, 03:39 AM
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I only assume that because 1. we have already laid around in bed all together just relaxing 2. theres no where else for me to sleep and 3. its been implied I would.
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  #17  
Old 05-27-2009, 04:19 PM
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Always better to be safe than sorry Alhena. Asking just prevents you from being surprised and possibly hurt down the road.
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  #18  
Old 06-03-2009, 03:04 PM
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When we camping together, we all shared a tent (tent rated for eight people means lots of room for three). My wife slept on a cot and my (former) inamorata and I slept on air mattresses. Come morning, my inamorata and I enjoyed some naked goodness; my wife woke up to the noise, looked and saw it was us, and rolled over to go back to sleep.

I never worried about showing affection for one when the other was around. It was nothing I ever thought about. I simply showed affection to whomever I wanted to whenever I wanted to.

As I just began dating another woman, I expect the same sort of thing in the future. I'm not going to worry about it unless one of the ladies says she feels a bit shortchanged, then I'll address that.

So, I say to PDA as you will and expect any shortcomings to get reported. Deal with only real issues and not imaginary issues that may never arise.
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  #19  
Old 06-05-2009, 02:35 PM
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thank you for all your replies. Slowly the naturalness of showing affection is coming through in my "v" and leaving it all alone has helped. While camping i got hammock time with my boyfriend and tent time with my husband. My husband is aware that I need time with my boyfriend and allows that space... asks us when we are going away for a weekend and when we are going to celebrate different things together etc. I don't feel comfortable showing my boyfriend affection around my son, but it is early days yet anyway. it's all coming along nicely.... thanks again!
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  #20  
Old 06-08-2009, 09:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
thank you for all your replies. Slowly the naturalness of showing affection is coming through in my "v" and leaving it all alone has helped. While camping i got hammock time with my boyfriend and tent time with my husband. My husband is aware that I need time with my boyfriend and allows that space... asks us when we are going away for a weekend and when we are going to celebrate different things together etc. I don't feel comfortable showing my boyfriend affection around my son, but it is early days yet anyway. it's all coming along nicely.... thanks again!

The important thing to rememebr is that I don't feel left out or ignored. I simply love being with Redpepper alone or with her family. I have no issues with keeping intimate moments private. Because I am here for the long haul, I don't feel the need to get as much of Redpepper as I can all at once. I'm happy to love her in different ways depending on the environment. I feel a little sad for those that need more because I am sure it is frustrating.
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