the story of a secondary

[SNeacail]

I've been in similar situations. Hugs! It can really shake you up, even when there isn't a kid in the car. Just an FYI - A new car seat is a must immediately, they aren't safe after an accident!!! The insurance will cover it.

[Phy]

Oh dear! So glad to hear that you two are OK. That's really horrifying to think about. I often thought about what I would do or how I would react if a person dear to me would be hurt or (in the worst case) be taken from me so suddenly. It always gives me goosebumps and teary eyes just thinking about it. Get a rest and recover from the shock.

[AnnabelMore]

Thanks, guys. I'm relaxing with some frozen yogurt now.

And thanks especially for the info about car seats, SN! I checked with my insurance dominant and they will, in fact, replace it.

[AnnabelMore]

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30421

I'm not surprised per se, but I am a little disappointed that no one has yet responded to the thread linked above to say "wow, I feel the same way." Maybe they're about to come out of the woodwork any minute, who knows.

I feel like a bit of a freak sometimes for getting couple-crushes. I have this notion like my feelings are wrong and unevolved because I should know better than to maintain a way of thinking that enables so many problematic unicorn-hunting type situations to occur. But it's something I feel deeply, it moves me, it's my heart and soul and libido splayed out in words. And I think I have a reasonable, practical, realistic way of looking at it, I really do. None of which changes my visceral reactions and my desire to connect with somebody else over these feelings. :/

Something else that I wrote, in conjunction with the thread linked above, which I didn't include because I didn't want any potential discussion to get sidetracked by this issue:

I think the chillness of my attitude towards the realities of being a solo person hooking up with a couple is helped by the fact that I have a strong tendency towards submission with certain people, sexually and relationally. In fact, I'm fairly sure of it. Having integrated submissiveness into a healthy sense of self helps me remember that unequal is not the same as "less than," so there's no hit to my self-esteem when I reflect upon the fact that I'm involved in a situation with an inherent imbalance at its core. And, whereas it might be intensely uncomfortable or even painful to some, I actually *enjoy* the mental/emotional experience of being outnumbered, overwhelmed, of deferring to others... in a context where I'm being respected and cared for and am receiving the things I need in return, of course.

I'm not in any way trying to say that submissiveness is required to be an individual getting involved with both members of a couple, but I do think it makes it easier, at least for me and maybe for others as well. Certainly it's common enough for people to say, when pointing out the very real errors in thinking of unicorn-hunting couples, "it sounds like you're looking for a submissive."

[GreenMom]

I am so glad you & Bee are okay!!

[nycindie]

Oh, Annabel, I just read your post about your car accident - so glad you and Bee were safe and unhurt! It is unnerving to read that, as my sister just got into an accident the other day, too. Some drunk young kid ran a red light and ploughed into her car (broadsided, I guess is the term?), just missing her driver's side door, but hard enough to spin her around so she was facing traffic and shove her car up onto the curb. Thank goodness it was late and hardly any other cars were on the road, and none were parked right there, or she would have been toast. The guy who hit her took off -- but his bumper had come off, complete with license plate! Then he came back on foot, so he obviously ditched the car for some bad reason! Anyway, she's fine, not hurt at all, but it could have been so much worse - I was shaken for a few days just thinking about it. So, again, glad you were not hurt and hope you don't have much problems with your insurance.

[rory]

The accident sounds awful, I am happy you are alright!

Btw, I just spent like 3 hours going through your tumblr... Your taste is soooo excellent!

[AnnabelMore]

Thanks, ladies! I'm feeling pretty over it now -- it wasn't that bad an accident, it's an easy thing to have happen in the rain, everyone is perfectly fine -- it just took a few days.

@Nyc -- Wow, what a messed up story! Glad your friend is ok.

@Rory -- Thank you, I've put a lot of thought into it and it makes me happy.

[MrFarFromRight]

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore

Just now, I FINALLY stumbled upon exactly the way I want to say it. And, with the phrasing that I want to use now finally in hand, I feel the clarity that I WILL say it, because I HAVE to. His reaction doesn't matter in the end -- this is about me doing what's right for me.

It's something that needs the right moment, so I still don't know when it'll be. But I will, of course, let you all know. I feel like a weight is off my shoulders.

We're rooting for you!!! And I'm really glad that you're taking this step!

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore

[...] I spent the whole first year of Bee's life asking to get to babysit him more. I adore him, I truly do, and I cherish the time we spend together. Its so amazing, to watch him learn and grow before my very eyes, to feel his delight when he laughs at something I do, or brings me a book to read, or just reaches for me. Near the end of the night, when he was getting tired again, he leaned his head against me several times, just *so* trusting and sweet.

Watching Bee is, for me, about me and Bee... it just happens to have the lovely side benefit of supporting my partner and her husband in having an occasional night of breathing room to get things done and remember who they are to each other. What could be wrong about that??

Again,

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore

[...] That will leave Gia and I more time to spend together... albeit, with Bee in tow.

Is this a PROBLEM for you, Dear Heart? I gotta do it again:

[MrFarFromRight]

Read about the accident after I posted that last one. Can't comment more than "Am I glad you're both OK!" as I've got to run... Hug Bee one time from me.