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Old 10-22-2012, 03:27 AM
purelyparadox23 purelyparadox23 is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 10
Default Will trying an open relationship enhance our relationship or endanger it?

Hi there,

I am new and just beginning to look into open relationships. I am a senior in college and I have been in a long-distace relationship with an amazing guy from England for 3 years (since the summer before my freshman year). We are each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend, we lost our virginity to each other, and he is actually the only guy I've ever kissed. I have no doubt that my boyfriend is the one for me. We have great communication skills because dating long distance has challenged us many times and made us stronger, and we make a great team together. We talk happily about marriage and children some day, and we love and trust each other more than any couple I know. We always joke about having threesomes and becoming swingers some day, but we've never really talked about it seriously until now.

The past three years I have had some minor crushes, but I never had the desire to sleep with someone other than my boyfriend before. This year though I got a job as a bartender, and as I am being exposed to new people and gaining confidence, I have found myself immensely attracted to a guy in one of my classes. I don't know him very well but I have not been this sexually attracted to someone in ages, and I surprised myself with how badly I want to sleep with him (possibly because he's from Bulgaria and has a sexy accent ) I felt weird about my feelings for this guy and told my boyfriend, but he (the easy-going guy that he is) told me that he has always felt kinda bad that I haven't been able to experiment with people in college because I've been with him the whole time, and that if I want to experiment with this guy I should go for it. He says he would be ok with it as long as I tell him, and I believe him because he doesn't have a jealous bone in his body.

I'm actually really excited that he's up for it, and loving the idea of us both experimenting with other people and reporting back to each other, but right now I'm still a little hesitant. Maybe it's just that I've been raised to think this kind of thing is wrong, and feel worried that it will somehow count as cheating if I do something with this other guy. Because I have such an amazing relationship with my boyfriend I don't want to do anything that will mess it up, but I feel (I hope) that experimenting with an open relationship could actually make things even better for us. I would really like the opinions of people who started an open relationship after being monogamous with their partner, or anyone with some insight into this situation. Should I go for it and pursue the guy I'm lusting after with my boyfriend's blessing?

* Edit: I should also add that the guy I'm attracted to is rumored to be a bit of a lady's man, so I have a feeling he won't be looking for anything serious either.

Last edited by purelyparadox23; 10-22-2012 at 03:57 AM.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:53 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

I would say probably. You've been honest, your boyfriend has given you the green light, there's just a couple other things you should clarify first:

- Talk to boyfriend about what happens/how you two deal if your feelings for this other guy become stronger after sleeping with him. Maybe your curiosity is satisfied and that's the end of it, but maybe not. It's a topic that should be broached before jumping in. Is he willing to take the risk that something could become more than just sex? Are you? Do you feel like you might be able to be in love with two people at once? (Note: these aren't questions I need answers to. Purely for you and he to discuss)

- Be honest with the other guy. I know, it's hard letting someone know you're interested, PLUS letting them know you have a significant other and are not, in fact, looking for a romantic connection (unless, of course, you are). As a female, it's highly possible you have fears of being considered a slut if you only want sex, which makes it even MORE difficult. But if you're thinking of this guy as an experiment, he deserves to know that before making his own decision about whether or not to sleep with you. It being college, telling him that you think he's hot and want NSA sex might work just fine, but he still deserves to know where you're coming from up front.

I see many parallels between your situation and my situation with MC when we were in college (especially when he was in Wales for a semester), as well as with my current long-distance situation with TGIB. I wish you luck!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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