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Old 10-21-2012, 03:16 PM
nondy2 nondy2 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 109
Default Advice on Sex parties and boundaries

Hi,

I am the perpetually confused one. I wrote awhile ago and I hope people can help again this time. i find the issue with being poly is it is so hard to get understanding.

So, my husband and I have been married 11 years, poly for three. I had one long-distance 2 yr affair and some flings. he has his first girlfriend. Last night, we went out with the GF and it came out that they had had sex in front of people at a sex party,. This is my own issue and I'm trying not to judge. I am really upset by sex parties because my best fr iend has been a gay sex meth addict for 15 years. It is really difficult for me to conceptualize that these parties are safe and innocent. My husband also lied to me and downplayed the party because he knew I'd be upset. So, he put me and his lover (who I must say is a lovely honest person) in an akward position.

Another issue is that I like his GF a lot. But I find her lifestyle immature (lives alone, not kids, no pets etc) and he says she would never let him move in. i AM being judgmental. This person is lovely so why would I care. The reason I care is because my husband is so passive and so forgetful, that I feel constantly burdened by running tho ngs- right or wrong- I feel like his girlfriend is another person who benefits by me 'running things" i.e. she never has to deal with his messes and all. BUT she is lovely. Just because she picked a different (easier?) life than me, doesn't mean I get to judge.

My husband's GF also has had sex parties at her house. My husband says he won't go to them anymore if they make me unfotable, but I'm just freaked out.
We are so different. I think I am very sexually conservative and very interested in intimacy without sex (I have many friends who I speak with everyday and we share the deepest parts of ourselves). My husband cannot relate to people in that was an his GF is his first truly close friend since our marriage. He is very sexual and wild and I think he can only be close through a sexual relationship.

I guess what I am asking is 1. Is it possible for two people who are so opposite to stay together? 2. Can I be more accepting of sex parities? Are they really more benign than I imagine? 3. How do I come to terms with not being jealous of the GF freedom?

Thanks!

I originally posted this in the wrong section.
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Tags
addiction, discriminalization, herpes, hiv, marginalization, sex, sex addiction, sex parties, sex party, std's, sti's

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