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  #81  
Old 10-21-2012, 12:31 AM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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Wow, thank you, thank you, thank you!

The only other folks who have encouraged me not to give up on G yet are also poly or at least poly friendly. So I suspect you are correct on the mono vs poly thing (meaning no offense to mono people, since eventually, I will probably be mono again).

Would I like a "one and only"? Maybe someday. Not right now.
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  #82  
Old 10-21-2012, 11:26 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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nycindie, you were right!!

Today, I was talking with Marty, and told him I was dating a couple other men. Now he suddenly wants to get together again. You called that one!!

Had a great second date with Z today. He's down with the lover-friends thing and seeing other people and taking whatever we may or may not build together very slowly.

Next week, I have possible dates with Z and G, pending childcare and other such things. I have a playdate set up to take my kids over to see Marty, his wife, and their son next weekend. It should be a full week with lots of socializing, some romantic, some not. I'm looking forward to it.
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  #83  
Old 10-24-2012, 07:46 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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Well, its sounding like all three of my potential dates this week are probably not happening, boo.

I think I may have scared G off with my direct approach, LOL. Better to find out early I suppose, since I have no intentions of changing my personality.

Z ended up being busy with work the nights I am available, so, maybe next week.

Marty has a kiddo-related conflict tonight. It is possible we will still get together after, but I'm not holding my breath. On the plus side, we have locked in plans for next week Weds at his suggestion, so, yay.

I'm having a small issue with jealousy. I let Marty know I was dating again. He quid pro quo let me know that he had a new 'cuddle friend' but so far it was all non-sexual.

I really struggled hearing that because I know his free time is already so limited, and it will be even harder for me to see him once I move, and now there will be someone else's schedule to consider. I also know that if I am important enough to him, he will make the time. I also know that despite the fact he and I had both agreed earlier this year we didn't want to date anyone else aside from each other and our spouses (well, I had one at the time), that this is hardly something I should have thought would never happen.

I've taken such a blow to my self confidence with my husband leaving me, that I think I'm a lot more vulnerable to other things hurting. I know Marty is very interested in picking up where we left off, he made that clear. I've made clear that I expect to see that instead of pulling teeth like last time. I'm sure what I am feeling is normal so I'm working on understanding why I feel that way so I can move past it.

Obviously, I'm not planning to forsake all others for him. He's married. We can't ever have that sort of relationship. I'm in fact actively hoping I can score date time with the two other men I am starting to see in the near future (well, if I didn't scare G away. Z I know is game for more dates). In other words, it's a pretty unrealistic expectation for me to hope he continues to not see anyone else. Especially when I can't give him the kind of time I gave him before, now that I'm a single parent.

I also recognize that I am terrified he will simply phase me out completely. I actually thought that had already happened. I don't want to go through those feelings of being replaced by someone else, when I am already deailng with that from the end of my marriage.

I think my fear is the biggest hurdle here. I'm working on reminding myself that I have no way to control his actions or how he spends his time. I have not and will never have that kind of claim on him. I can only live my life as I choose and hope that our schedules collide. I am working on not setting high expecations so that they can't be dashed when conflicts arise. I need to have a more realistic way to look at this relationship, if it continues, since once I move I will only be able to see him maybe twice a month, which makes me sad. I miss the days earlier this year when I saw him twice a week. Right now I'd settle for once a week but that can't happen.

So, instead, I will try to focus on what can happen. I know Marty is interested, and I am in him. I know Z is interested, and I am in him. G is more elusive, so we shall see. Ironically G lives closest to where I am moving, but, if it's not gonna happen I can't force it.

I've also decide that I am not contacting any of them again until they contact me. I've left the ball pretty firmly in each man's court. Marty is supposed to contact me today to confirm or cancel for tonight, pending kiddo stuff. I let G know I could do something Thursday, or next week. I let Z know I could do something Friday, or next week. I'm not averse to asking people out, but, I want to see reciprical efforts, so I'm maintaining radio silence until contacted.

And I continue to work on being happy as my own primary. I am doing a lot better at it, it just gets hard when I really need a hug and nobody is there. I get lots of kiddo hugs, which are great, but sometimes a hug from someone bigger and stronger than me is so nice.
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  #84  
Old 10-29-2012, 01:40 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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I saw Marty for the first time in three months yesterday. It was overall good. All the kids had a great time playing, and Marty & I managed to steal a moment here and there to talk on more grown up matters, as well as flirt and tease each other a bit, steal kisses and touches, etc. Definitely ramping up the tension for Wednesday... especially as we haven't been intimate in almost 6 months with each other, and it's been almost 4 months for me with any partner. I've been "behaving" about taking it slow-ish with the new men I date!

He again brought up that he doesn't want a super full time "relationship" like "before" - not so many committed plans in advance, not a "schedule". I reminded him that even if we wanted to go back to the old "schedule", we can't - I am a single parent now, for one, and in two weeks when I move, I'll be going from a 40 min drive from his home, to 1 hr 45 min drive, so I won't be able to just go over all the time. I would really only be able to go over on days off of work, or select weekend days.

He seemed simultaneously pleased and a bit jealous that I am dating others. Isn't that always the way. I am still a bit jealous, and I admit, hurt, about his new "friend". For now, he says she is not interested in anything sexual, mainly just wants a friend she can get a cuddle fix from once in a while. But, we shall see how long that stays that way. Due to his anxiety disorder (which I've written about here before), he says that what he has with her is the lowest stress secondary relationship she's ever had which has been nice. That of course made me feel bad. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to restart what we had stopped, if it was "too stressful". He reminded me that if he hadn't wanted to, he would have said so, and that it's not so much that "I" cause the stress, as his disorder. (as in, no matter how safe the sex, he's always worried about babies, diseases (though not with me, since I shared test results), etc)

I also heard back from G on Saturday morning. My overly blunt and direct email didn't scare him off, he just had a really busy week. In a nutshell, he really appreciated and enjoyed my candor - and it also turns out he is dating a couple other people, so a more casual lover-friends relationship, nonpartnered but honest and open, is exactly what he wants. He wants to see me again and see where our adventures take us. So I am stoked about that. Once I move, I'll live about 30 mins from him, which isn't too bad.

Radio silence still from Z, so, we'll see. I'm leaving the ball in his court. I'm not chasing anyone right now, I'm rather enjoying being chased for a change.
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  #85  
Old 11-04-2012, 06:10 AM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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Jealousy is driving me nuts. I have NO REASON to be jealous of anyone I am dating also dating other people seeing as how I am dating multiple people. I think it relates to the fact I'm still emotionally fragile from the abrupt end to my marriage, and I have such little time I can actually do things, that when my partner(s) aren't super excited and dropping everything to do things in that time, it hurts my feelings. Which is stupid, because we all have busy crazy lives and scheduling's a bitch. I need to take things way less personally.

Much more fun news, went out dancing with some female friends tonight, and I successfully hit on a random hot guy and got to dance with him a while. no numbers exchanged or anything, but had fun just dancing and not being rejected.
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  #86  
Old 06-03-2014, 10:34 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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Over a year since I posted and so much has happened.

Last year I dated/fwb with a lot of people casually for several months until I got involved in a triad with A and B. We were together for about 8.5 months before B told me she wasn't comfortable continuing to date me since she realized I was not the "exception" to her heterosexuality. It only took two more weeks for A to tell me he was no longer comfortable calling what we had a "relationship", even a secondary one, due to the distance and scheduling issues (we live 3 hrs apart). As the two of them were involved for 2.5 years before I started dating them, I was expecting him to break up with me after she did. They are a package deal. So after being happily (if sometimes rockily) involved with two primaries for 9 months, I find myself as my own primary again.

There is a man, G, I have been dating the past two months. We are taking things very slowly, and I enjoy our time together. He already has a primary and has made it clear he's not looking for another. So we will see how that progresses.

I've been very casually dating a woman named K. I know she, too, isn't looking for anything serious, but I enjoy seeing her.

I am still "fwb" (I really, really hate that term) with A and B, as well as someone I was seeing before my triad began, T.

I have lots of companionship between people I am dating, fwb, friends, etc... but I really long for a primary relationship. But I am getting used to the idea that it just might not be in the cards. I can find lots of people who want to sleep with me, lots of people who will go out on dates with me, but no one who really wants to be "serious". Even with my now-broken triad, I spent the first few months awash in NRE but in the back of mind wondering if they'd still want me when the NRE wore off and the "work" began (yeah, it went how I expected lol).

We'll see what changes this year continues to bring. Right now I am a little sad, a little happy, and trying to be content with my situation.
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  #87  
Old 06-05-2014, 03:45 AM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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Had a wonderful date night with G tonight. We had a nice dinner, took a walk in the beautiful sunshine, and had some great conversation (and yummy good night kisses!). We talked again about safe sex practices, STI exposure, and testing. He told me that he is planning to get tested again in the next month when he can arrange it, since his last testing was in December, and he'd like to get tested before we become sexually intimate. I think that's very sweet and considerate - I know there are still folks who seem offended, for some reason, by the idea of testing. I was last tested in March and will get tested again in September.

I'm excited about having sex with G. This is the longest I've gone in a relationship without getting physical. The anticipation is really building up. We have great chemistry when we make out, I can't wait to see how that translates in other things.

I am seeing T on Friday night. I'm looking forward to that. Things have always been simple with him - we both know we aren't dating, I am aware he doesn't want another dating relationship, but we have a good time hanging out as friends, and also have great chemistry. I've been in a bit of a sexual drought lately so I am looking forward to some simple, drama-free intimacy!
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  #88  
Old 06-07-2014, 06:25 AM
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swirlingnurse swirlingnurse is offline
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Enjoying your blog Greenmom! Thanks for sharing!
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  #89  
Old 06-08-2014, 02:21 AM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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Thanks, Swirlingnurse.


Friday I saw T for the first time in months. I felt a little awkward and shy since we hadn't been intimate in so long, but, it was fun once I got past that awkwardness. I'm going to make a point of seeing him more often, as schedule permits. It's so nice and simple to hang out with him.

Tuesday I have a date with a new guy. Interested to see how that goes.
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  #90  
Old 06-11-2014, 02:07 AM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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Had a first date tonight with a guy off OKC that I'll call M. I think it went pretty well. I'm interested in seeing him again, we'll see if he feels the same way. I do enjoy getting to know new people.

I have a date with G on Thursday. Pretty excited for that. I'm feeling huge amounts of lust for him. We've been dating almost three months and while we've had some intense make out sessions, haven't had sex yet. I have never waited this long to have sex with someone I am dating before. It's really building up the tension. I think when we finally do sleep together it's going to be pretty explosive.

I have a not-date with A on Saturday. Looking forward to that, too. We have amazing chemistry in bed, and have fun out of bed. Haven't seen him for over a month so really looking forward to reuniting.

Boy, I'm a busy lady!
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