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  #41  
Old 10-19-2012, 11:39 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
You know... You can still adopt.
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  #42  
Old 10-19-2012, 03:20 PM
playswellwithothers playswellwithothers is offline
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I'm a soon-to-be-single mom (my husband and I separated three years ago over my newly discovered poly nature, among many other issues). I've been a secondary with my married bf for over five years.

I am open and out with all my friends and family members. I am out with some of my clients (my personal life is not relevant to most clients--but my story is helpful to some of them....so just as some of them know I'm partially disabled, because it's meaningful to them, some know I am poly, because it's meaningful to them...it's not something I tell every client or announce on my website).

My 12 year old son knows and loves my bf very much. His school counselor knows, in case issues come up. His therapist knows, because my bf and I talked long and hard with the therapist before "coming out" to my son.

My bf and his wife are open with their friends. Bf's wife, with whom I do not have relationship, is more cautious professionally, so we are careful with that (our respective businesses sometimes intersect). My BF has not come out about me to his family, with whom he is not incredibly close--the ones he is especially close to are elderly and frail, and he doesn't see the point in rocking the boat or their world.

In general, we both maintain a policy of not hiding our relationship (we go out together, display PDA, he's got a wedding ring, I don't--I guess someone could do the math and maybe come up with the right answer, although I think an "affair" would be the more likely guess). But we also don't necessarily make big announcements. Like, to the neighbors: hi, this is my married boyfriend, he's in an open marriage, I know his wife, and it's okay, etc.

Both of us feel strongly that if directly asked, individually or together, we would respond honestly and authentically.

This may be "easier" for us than for some because we don't live together--I see my bf once or twice a month for an overnight or two. Eventually, because bf and wife are sort of gypsies--they love to travel and have lived all over the country--we'll probably go back to the long distance relationship we started out with, where we talked a few times a week and saw each other for 5-7 days about 3 or 4 times a year.
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  #43  
Old 10-20-2012, 01:37 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
You know... You can still adopt.

Don't you?
This one always gets me, what do people really expect you to say to that?

"Golly gee no, I'm 38 years old and infertile...what is this "adoption" concept that you speak of?"



The whole topic of having children is one of the reasons I HATE "small talk" - it seems an obligatory question that people just can't seem to let go of...like I want to share my struggles and decisions over one of the most important decisions a person can make in their lives with a relative stranger. ...(actually our families are not at all nosy and would never pest us about kids, it's the random social encounters that piss me off)

The kernel of evil inside me wants to say "No, I don't have kids...your God thinks I'm a bad person and struck me barren." OR, even better, "No, I'm allergic to crotch-fruit."

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 10-20-2012 at 01:39 AM.
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  #44  
Old 10-20-2012, 06:05 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
This one always gets me, what do people really expect you to say to that?
In this case, nothing. He was being facetious.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
The whole topic of having children is one of the reasons I HATE "small talk" - it seems an obligatory question that people just can't seem to let go of...like I want to share my struggles and decisions over one of the most important decisions a person can make in their lives with a relative stranger. ...(actually our families are not at all nosy and would never pest us about kids, it's the random social encounters that piss me off)
Yeah, it's one of those things people just assume. It doesn't even cross their mind that there are people who actually choose not to procreate. I find the question always comes out as "So when are you having children?"

I usually just say, explicitly, that I'm not having any because I'm too selfish to give up my free time and personal space. That usually shuts them right the fuck up.
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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  #45  
Old 10-20-2012, 07:30 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
OR, even better, "No, I'm allergic to crotch-fruit."
My usual line is that I'm allergic to children.
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  #46  
Old 10-20-2012, 02:51 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
In this case, nothing. He was being facetious.
Actually, I did recognize that - he used the "wink" smiley appropriately - I was just expanding on the point I thought he was making - hence my "tongue-sticking-out" smiley.

Sometimes BG's wit is so dry I need a glass of water (or a vodka tonic) but I usually "get" it (the guy can be hilarious - if I don't "get" it right off the bat I just mentally put him on a stage in a dark, smokey, comedy club - give him a scotch and an utterly deadpan delivery...pause...watch him raise his eyebrows, eyes wide open in mock-innocence, until the audience puzzles through...then laugh with them. Hmmm, I don't know if this says more about BG's sense of humor or mine...)

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #47  
Old 10-20-2012, 03:16 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Actually, I did recognize that - he used the "wink" smiley appropriately - I was just expanding on the point I thought he was making - hence my "tongue-sticking-out" smiley.
I knew you understood the bingo. I am also childfree and (used to) get bingo'd all the time.

However, I do wish we had more of a variety of smilies available here. I think they help get the point (humor, sarcasm, etc.) across more effectively than without them, sometimes.

Last edited by BoringGuy; 10-20-2012 at 03:19 PM.
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  #48  
Old 10-20-2012, 04:55 PM
swadvice swadvice is offline
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Good subject matter. My two cents worth... I have been married for 38 years, poly as long as I can remember. Active poly the past 20 years. We are honest with each other and those we bring into relationships but we choose to keep it withing our personal circle. We are and will remain in the closet because; 1) it is our personal choice much like our spirituality it is ours. We have an inclusive accepting nature we employ in our every day busy life. 2) Respect the personal views of others. Some of our friends, family and colleagues would not understand and could be conflicted by our choices.

While we don't promote our choices openly we do offer our perspective and experience to anyone who asks. Example: A friend recently asked what our secret was for keeping our marriage fresh. I could tell she was searching for help with her stagnant marriage. I first wanted to confirm that my experience would do no harm. I asked about her marriage and was satisfied that she was in a strong stable marriage. So I told her of the great freedom, passion and warned her of the NRE (New Relationship Energy) etc.

Love grows even more when unfettered.
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  #49  
Old 10-21-2012, 05:05 PM
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MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
"No, I'm allergic to crotch-fruit."
I can't stop laughing.
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  #50  
Old 10-21-2012, 09:41 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
However, I do wish we had more of a variety of smilies available here. I think they help get the point (humor, sarcasm, etc.) across more effectively than without them, sometimes.
You can always use external smileys, just insert them as an image...
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Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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