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Old 10-19-2012, 02:17 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485
Default Need some advice for my first real negotiating meeting

My husband and I have been together for almost 2 decades, opened our marriage a couple of years ago. Right now we seem to have a reached (after a particularly drama-filled summer) a new place of relative calm, where we both have our other relationships and also get along really well together.

However, the past months have taught me that the way we go about negotiating, discussing rules & boundaries, etc. is not exactly ideal. For instance, we often seem to do this after an evening of drinks, or when one of us comes home and is emotional, or right after a fight, etc.

So about a month ago we set a date for a 'meeting' which will take place next week where we will sit down, without wine to discuss in a business like manner where we stand, what our expectations are, possible new rules, stretching boundaries. My husband is a bit flippant about it, but I actually have a couple of things that I want to discuss that are new, and will possibly freak him out.
One of them is that I want him to think about the possibility of my BF spending the night with us, on occasion. (he lives in another city and lives alone, which means I always go and see him, but I would love to have him visit my city every now and then, meet my friends, hang out, and then be able to spend the night at my house). I haven't really thought about the logistics yet (like, who I would sleep with on these nights - or if maybe we should all 3 sleep in different bedrooms?).

Any advice how I can bring these sensitive things up? I should probably add there is no way that I would ever be ok with my husbands GF spending the night while I was in the house. But to me this is very much related to her as a person. (she cheated on my husband - they broke up and only just got back together). I could see me having no problems with another woman spending the night - though maybe I'm just thinking this because its hypothetical?
How can I bring this up with my husband and let him think about it rationally without him getting defensive or going 'ok then I want this too?' or am I being naive, in wanting something I'm not (right now) prepared to give him?

Should also add that he has met the BF a couple of times and likes him - they even had coffee together one day without me.
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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