Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-18-2012, 12:45 AM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603

There isn't a secret formula to meet people who are going to fit into your lives. Going to local meetups in your area and just talking to people with no expectations is a good way to start.

Triads that work are usually something people fall into rather than something they seek out. Many many couples who are new to poly are seeking exactly what you are seeking (I was too at one time). I've come to realize though that real authentic relationships can't be planned or controlled. I'd rather be in a happy V where the arms of the V are friends are really care about each other rather than being in a triad where someone involved is, for lack of a better term, taking one for the team.

Consider being open to relationships seperately, even if you still have the ideal of having a triad. The triad might happen but if you're turning down every person one or the other of you is connecting with think of all the happiness you'll be missing out on.
Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-18-2012, 01:44 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,400

Originally Posted by BlazenBurn View Post
I guess I'm a one of those mythical unicorns.

At first we talked about how "nice" it would be if we could form a triad. We had great fantasies about how we would all mesh together. Then we were hit by reality. Triads are not easy. Period. We were not able to make it work as a triad. Now we are in a Vee.
Ergo, you are not a mythical beast who fell out of the sky to join a perfectly balanced relationship with two other people. You're just a normal human being who happens to be polyamorous.

Calling them unicorns is never about saying that there are no women out there who want to be in a relationship with two other people. I know there are. The term stems from the fact that even with those intentions, the reality is that it usually doesn't work and ends up either in a Vee at best, or a big pile or heartache at worst.

The fundamental problem with this request isn't even that it's looking for a third person to add to their marriage. It's that someone is looking for a "perfect partner" and that's even less realistic than finding a compatible third wheel. I personally think no one is "perfect" for anyone. If they were, they wouldn't challenge you and neither of you would never grow. Well, that's my bias anyway.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 10-18-2012 at 02:08 AM.
Reply With Quote

bisexual, family, love, menage a trois, trinogamous

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:18 AM.