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Old 10-17-2012, 12:47 AM
lizroser lizroser is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Default Boyfriend is dating a non-poly girl

I'm still fairly new to polyamory, so I know I still have a lot to learn and work through. Something that my husband and I have recently realized is that being polyamorous does not mean that you get to do whatever you want.

A little background, before I get to my problem at hand. My boyfriend, who is about 2 hours away, is constantly finding and meeting new girls. It doesn't always lead to a romantic connection, and I know he generally just wants people to hang out with. But I never know what things are going to turn into, or if I should expect a phone call saying he just slept with someone new or if he's in love again.

My boyfriend has recently started seeing a girl in his town. She doesn't like poly, but she wants to keep seeing my boyfriend because they like each and get along really well. She doesn't want to meet me or my boyfriend's other girlfriend, and pretty much wants nothing to do with the poly side of things.

Now, I've already come to terms with the fact that I'm insecure and jealous that she gets to spend all of this time with this man that I love so dearly. I get to see him at most once a month, due to work and school. And because I am so busy and we have opposite schedules, I only get to talk to him for about 10 minutes a day, 4 days a week (in the morning when he gets off of work).

However, it also really upsets me that he is okay dating someone who wants nothing to do with me or his other girlfriend. I have been practicing compersion as often as I can, and I feel like I've been doing a better job at it. But it is so hard to practice compersion for someone who I feel is constantly surprising me with new additions, with no thought or concern about how it is going to affect my feelings. From our discussions, we want a big poly family and we want everyone to be happy with that. This girl's feelings toward poly does not fit into that whatsoever. And my boyfriend has said that it is just casual and short-term, but I'm someone who doesn't believe in or understand people labeling a relationship short-term, because that label in and of itself leads to a desire for more.

I just really don't know what to do or how to react. I would really appreciate some sort of advice.
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Tags
compersion, jealousy, monogamy and polyamory

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