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Old 10-13-2012, 01:07 AM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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My ideal "poly accommodation" would include space for cats. Lots and lots of cats. Oh wait. I have that already. Sorry to bother you! LOL
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Old 10-16-2012, 08:30 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
I don't know that there is a "typical" arrangement - it seems to depend on the poly tangle. (We don't have kids.) Some seem to more strictly define the role of parents vs. other adults but swap babysitting and "special activity" duties.
lol for some reason, this reminds me of some parents I've met who have referred to caring for their own children as "baby-sitting" because they are not the stay-at-home parent. Ugh (at these parents, not the situation describe by JaneQ).

In general, there is no typical arrangement. I've seen it all. All partners co-parent all kids... bio parents parent their own children but not the children of their metamours... you name it.

My girlfriend's husband is transexual, so when they wanted kids, they made an arrangement with a gay man who also wanted kids. He would provide sperm for all the babies, and she would build them. They've had two together so far. She also has a daughter from a previous relationship. My girlfriend and her husband are primary caregivers for the two oldest children, the biodad is the primary caregiver for the youngest child, but they're all "parents" to all three kids, with all rights and responsibilities implied therein. On Friday nights, all the kids are at my girlfriend's, on Saturday nights, all kids go to the other parent. So the kids are all together every weekend, and all the parents get one free night every week. Every family should be so lucky!

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 10-16-2012 at 10:15 PM.
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Old 10-16-2012, 10:31 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
My ideal "poly accommodation" would include space for cats. Lots and lots of cats. Oh wait. I have that already. Sorry to bother you! LOL
Cats require a surprisingly small amount of space. My own cats have an entire house to roam, yet they really only occupy the bed (on and under), the couch (likewise), and the path between them and to the food dish and litter box. A smaller home would mean nothing to them beyond a shorter path between the aforementioned conveniences. I've heard of cats being kept quite contentedly in small RVs.

What cats need are windows. Lots and lots of windows. A door or 11 won't go ignored, either. I'm reminded of the opening page of Heinlein's The Door into Summer:

Pete usually used his own door except when he could bully me into opening a people door for him, which he preferred. But he would not use his door when there was snow on the ground.
While still a kitten, all fluff and buzzes, Pete had worked out a simple philosophy. I was in charge of quarters, rations, and weather; he was in charge of everything else. But he held me especially responsible for weather. Connecticut winters are good only for Christmas cards; regularly that winter Pete would check his own door, refuse to go out it because of that unpleasant white stuff beyond it (he was no fool), then badger me to open a people door.

Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 10-16-2012 at 10:33 PM.
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Old 10-17-2012, 12:28 AM
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MusicalRose MusicalRose is offline
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Haha, I love reading Heinlein. I should pick up another book of his soon.
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Old 06-02-2014, 05:45 PM
gerardo gerardo is offline
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Default Graduate Student Working on thesis related to Poly-relationships

hello eden,

this is gerardo and i am a architecture graduate student from washington state university. I am currently working on my thesis and I will be done this coming december...if I pass!

My thesis is on the idea of no doors and polyamory.

I have looked in to communes as a reference. Communes in a way have an organized program that accommodates the ideals of a preferred life style or culture. Polyamory deals with a complex family structure that required a very close form of communication and communal interaction.


I would like to keep this going, I think it will be a good resource to exchange information about this condition or way of living,

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Old 06-03-2014, 01:57 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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As one polyamorist (and one type of polyamorist), I very much prefer my living quarters to have doors (with locks), especially a bathroom door. I in fact crave my own private bed/bathroom suite. I am an introvert.

Communal living is great for those who choose it, but what about the kids who are born into it without choosing it? I guess you could argue that anyone who grew up in a commune would be comfortable with it as adults, but then you could also argue just the opposite. Personally I think that some humans are born to be introverts.

Just sayin' ...
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 06-03-2014, 04:13 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Originally Posted by gerardo View Post
My thesis is on the idea of no doors and polyamory.
First, congrats on your degree! I hope all goes well.

No doors? How is privacy created or respected in such a place? I know privacy can be created without physical structures. Through social customs is one way. Or is privacy just not a priority?

If there is literally no doors in a physical structure, well that just sounds hellish for me personally.
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Old 06-03-2014, 04:28 AM
KerryRen KerryRen is offline
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I want doors. I have a need to go away by myself sometimes. It's hard with three children who do not currently have much respect for the idea of doors at least with reference to Mom. But it's necessary; if I can't have it physically, I'll find it mentally. Frankly I think a physical withdrawal behind doors is better and healthier.

If, by some very long chance, I could have my polyship under one roof, I can't imagine not having separate rooms for the adults. Liam is very extroverted, but needs to take his own space if for no other reason than not to dominate the rest of the household with his personal preferences. (I like the news and documentaries, too, but not as much new sinput as he likes to take in, nor the same type of documentaries. The children have entirely different interests). Jai is more introverted, and would need a space to call his own in that situation, I think. I know I need it -- if not always, then at times. It helps me recharge.
-- Kerry J. Renaissance
39 y/o female, married/bisexual/poly/pagan/disabled/fan

In a V with
- Liam, 52 y/o straight male (married, 14 years)
- Jai, 41 y/o bi male
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Old 06-03-2014, 09:51 AM
graviton graviton is online now
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You might find this useful
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Old 06-03-2014, 02:43 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Not all poly people want to live in a commune!

Far from it.

Lots of poly people need lots of personal space. In fact, when my gf miss pixi and I moved in together a year ago, we searched for found a house that has 1000 sq feet upstairs and an equal space in the refinished basement. We can each retreat to a floor for hours at a time if we need to. We do love cooking together and sharing a kitchen. We love to sleep together and cuddle in front of the huge TV in our girl cave (basement). We have a full bath and 2 half baths for our girly grooming needs. We have a yard and a deck. And a dog.

My bf Ginger is married, poly and has Asperger's syndrome, as does his wife. She lives in their main house, with their newly college graduated son who also has Asperger's. Ginger lives in a small cabin he built on their land. He has developed allergies to the main house, since it is part solar heated but augmented by a wood stove, and he can no longer deal with the particulates.

He and his wife don't like to share a bed for sleeping as their comfort needs don't match up. They also don't eat the same foods (allergies and preferences), so don't cook together.

I think it takes a certain mindset to want to live in a commune. Some mono or single people might be drawn to it. Some poly people wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place. --Shaw

me: Mags, female, pansexual, 59, loving and living with
miss pixi, female, pansexual, 37
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