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Old 10-12-2012, 02:43 PM
AggieSez AggieSez is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 46
Default How "out" are you as poly, really? And why?

Hi, folks

Yesterday was National Coming Out Day -- which isn't just an LGBTQ thing. It's for us poly folk too. So I did a post on SoloPoly.net (a blog for, by, and about poly/open people who don't have and maybe don't want a primary-style partner) about "outness" issues. Especially how being out as poly/open might affect solo people -- both their own outness, and the outness of their partners.

http://solopoly.net/2012/10/11/comin...eally-and-why/

I go into considerable depth the problematic interaction between "couple privilege" and outness.

I've noticed that many poly/open primary couples often maintain the public face of having only one conventional, ostensibly closed relationship, --while keeping their additional relationships (regardless of depth or duration) more or less a secret outside the poly community. Also, these primary couples often are not fully honest with their additional partners (or perhaps even with themselves) that the price of entry to a relationship with them means stepping into the poly closet.

This dynamic can have profound negative affects on any nonprimary partner, but it can be especially hurtful to solo poly folk. I wish more primary couples -- and the poly community in general -- would recognize and discuss this dynamic more. Because this is a big factor in making polyamory far more challenging and emotionally risky for nonprimary partners and solo people.

Anyway, this post is written from my own experience and perspective, informed by input from many poly/open people I've discussed it with. I'd appreciate more input. Please feel free to comment here or on the blog.

Also: Anyone got any good poly coming out stories? Do tell!

- Aggie
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