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  #21  
Old 10-10-2012, 04:50 PM
nurseypoo1 nurseypoo1 is offline
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But in all actuality...she is more than just a friend. I know she cares deeply for both of us. As we care deeply for her too. But in more of a "oh she's just a friend" kind of way. I feel truly that even though i consider her one of my best friends...she's even better friends with him. They talk and text A LOT. Sometimes even more than he and i on some days. So its not like there isnt ANY emotions there. Does that make any sense?
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  #22  
Old 10-12-2012, 12:09 AM
nurseypoo1 nurseypoo1 is offline
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So...after more reasearch i have defined our marriage as a semi-open or half swingers. Lol. I didnt mean to offend anyone if i did. I thank u all for ur support and thoughts. Maybe i will be back one day soon if their relationship evolves.
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  #23  
Old 10-16-2012, 07:13 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Certainly you're always welcome here. I hope things work out well with your marriage and relationships.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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  #24  
Old 10-17-2012, 02:56 PM
altworld altworld is offline
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From my personal point of view I can totally understand why you are feeling the way you do. When my husband & I decided to open our marriage up so to speak & allow someone else to be a part of it, it initially started with a relationship w/ him & a close girlfriend of ours and I was not involved whatsoever.

However we found that this type of relationship did not work well for us as I felt very left out like a 3rd wheel even though my husband was being very attentive to my needs & making sure what I needed & wanted came first. After a lot of talking he also agreed that he wouldn't feel comfortable with me dating someone separately from him and so we decided that we were better suited for a closed triad relationship. Once we transitioned from it just being him & her to it being him, me & her things were wonderful & amazing. Though it sadly ended it was a learning experience for us both.

It's natural to feel insecure & a little jealous. And it's good that you are all keeping the communication open & honest, that's extremely important. And there's nothing wrong with stating that you are the primary & that's how it must be, everyone has different needs/wants & what they are/aren't comfortable with. For my husband & I we choose to see ourselves & whomever we're in a relationship with as all equals, however our marriage & us will always come first & what's best for us & our marriage.

And though you've discussed there be no emotions involved at this stage it's sadly not something you, he or she can really control. When there's frequent intimacy eventually feelings will develop. But don't take that as him loving you any less. The best way I can describe is that your husband is a polyamory person, he has the ability & capacity to love several people at the same time but as someone else said there are different levels of that love for different people....he may love her but not in the way he loves you. It doesn't take away from the love he has for you in any way.

I'm not sure if this would be an option for you but maybe try to be involved in the relationship & form a triad. I'm not saying have sex but just dating & getting to know one another on a more intimate level then just friends. You never know what might happen, it may work or it may not but you don't know unless you try. And being included in that you'll feel a lot less insecure & jealous. Just a thought.
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  #25  
Old 10-17-2012, 03:09 PM
nurseypoo1 nurseypoo1 is offline
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Thanks altworld. And u too Kevin. My eventual plan is to mayb get involved in mre of a triad type situation. I think we're more like a vee right now...shes at our house CONSTANTLY!! And thats ok. This weekend was kind of a set back for me though. It was my dead sons birthday and hubby was out of town. He NEVER has been gone on this particular day and it was even harder than usual because of it. I found out that he called her or texted her when he got up before he did me...and talked to her MUCH longer (about 5 times as much) than we did. It made me feel very unimportant. I did tell both how i felt and she understood. After some arguing...so did he. Lol.
Being completely honest...is this possibly a sign that its progressing to the "more than very close friends who sleep with each othef on occasion" stage? If so...i need to work harder at dealing with those feelings.
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  #26  
Old 10-17-2012, 03:23 PM
altworld altworld is offline
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You're very welcome. I truly do understand how you are feeling as I went through the same thing when my husband & the friend of ours were dating each other and I wasn't involved. I found myself, just like you, comparing everything he did for her & measuring it with what he did for me. It will truly drive you insane & cause more problems then it's worth.

It is very difficult to deal with, sharing that person you love most in the world. That's why trying a triad might be better suited for you as then you will be involved also & won't feel like you're on the outside or being left out.....plus on the upside you'll get twice as much attention!!!! Or maybe even try dating someone yourself.

But you can't compare & measure what he does for her to what he does for you, it will just drive you more crazy.....you have to maybe look at it from the view that it's like a new relationship, you know when you first meet someone & you get all giddy to see them, can't wait to talk to them, etc....well that's sort of what your husband & her are going through. It's new & exciting.

I of course don't know you or your husband or the whole situation but from what you've said & this is just my opinion I would say that yes the relationship between your husband & friend has progressed beyond just friends w/ benefits....they might not even be aware of it. But I definitely think there are feelings involved & developing and that's only natural.
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  #27  
Old 10-17-2012, 03:23 PM
nurseypoo1 nurseypoo1 is offline
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Well...funny u say that. My eventual thought was to have more of a three way relationship. But because i have been uncomfortable seeing him with someone else in the past...i thought getting used to the idea first would help and we would move on from there. We are more like a vee right now. She is over constantly... which is fine. We share cooking...cleaning...looking after each others kids...all of that. Though i still want to remain the queen. Lol.
This weekend though was a kind of set back for me. He was on a hunting trip and it was my dead sons birthday. He has ALWAYS been there to help me through it. So not having him home was especially hard. I found out though that I waz not the first one on his mind in the morning...or the last one at night. They talked/texted MUCH more than he and i did. I felt very unimportant to him right then. And pushed aside. I relayed my feelings to both of them. She completely understood... he did too after some arguing.
He has also told me he would not be comfortable with "sharing" me...i am his world. And i am fine with that. I dont want to. He really is wonderful 99.9% of the time.
So honest opinions here...given the information from this weekend...is this a sign that its moving past the "we're more than very close friends who occasionally have no strings attached sex with each other" stage? If so...thays ok. I need to reprioritize what feelings and emotions i am dealing with. Thanks all for ur input. Interested (extremely) to see what u guys think.
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  #28  
Old 10-17-2012, 03:27 PM
nurseypoo1 nurseypoo1 is offline
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Wtf??? I dont know wut happened. My first reply disappeared...so i rewrote. And then i erased the second one. Idk. Smart phones are so stupid!!!
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  #29  
Old 10-17-2012, 03:33 PM
nurseypoo1 nurseypoo1 is offline
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I honestly think so too. And thank u for ur honest opinion. I REALLY do appreciate it. In fact...her daughter (whos in college) even wanted to know what was going on between them. Lol. And yes...sharing ur best friend and love of ur life is the HARDEST!! But it does seem to make him happier. And i have truly accepted that.
My opinion on NRE...sure ur giddy...excited...etc. But u cant push away the people who have helped u through everything and stood by u ur whole life. U shouldnt have to say "wait for a few months. I'll be back". Lol. Its like making a new friend...u dont suddenly forget ur old ones. Is that selfish?

Last edited by nurseypoo1; 10-17-2012 at 03:36 PM.
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  #30  
Old 10-17-2012, 03:39 PM
nurseypoo1 nurseypoo1 is offline
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Altworld...and all of u who signed off...i thank u so much for ur insight and experience. I value it tremendously. Its great food for thought and gives me much more to think about. I have grown enormously through this experience. Please continue with ur feedback...good or bad. I can handle the truth. Lol
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