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  #321  
Old 10-09-2012, 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
Have you gone to any local poly get-togethers? That can be far less hit-or-miss than OKCupid - most of them are really intended as a social no-pressure environment, but at least everyone there is poly...
Our local group specifically discourages people from using the group to pick up partners. We've had bad experiences with people coming to our meetings, looking for an easy lay. Not all groups work this way, so check first.
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  #322  
Old 10-09-2012, 08:42 PM
kimber607507 kimber607507 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Our local group specifically discourages people from using the group to pick up partners. We've had bad experiences with people coming to our meetings, looking for an easy lay. Not all groups work this way, so check first.
Thanks for heads up!!
Kim
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  #323  
Old 10-10-2012, 03:48 AM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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I definitely agree - I've been to a few get-togethers where it was fairly obvious that a first-timer was looking to hook up - not a comfortable situation. Best not to go to a get-together with that motive.

However, if you are looking to get to know poly folk, maybe make friends with them, and see whether there is any chemistry there in a low pressure situation, they are fantastic. Worst case you will get to know some new folks, right?

I met one of my current partners at a poly gathering and neither of us had any intention of finding someone... that was over four years ago...
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  #324  
Old 10-10-2012, 02:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimber607507
Should we take the OK cupid plunge? . . . put together an Ok cupid profile..what's the worst that could happen?
It's really not that big a plunge to take -- although I remember how nervous I was when I first decided to do the online dating thang, after over ten years of being monogamous and married. I had it all built up inmy mind because it was totally new to me. However, you will soon find out it is more like having a second job than anything else. It gets tedious answering idiotic messages from crazies, imbeciles, sexaholics, judgmental SOBs who feel they must nitpick your profile and tell you what's wrong with you, and generally gross ugly people, OR sending out tons of messages to people you think are hot and getting no responses whatsoever! You just shouldn't have your hopes up -- **BUT** there is always the chance you will meet someone lovely, sweet, and exciting, with whom you hit it off. So the risk (and tedium) can bring its rewards. So, why not make a profile. Show some cleverness and a sense of humor, slap some good pics up there, answer a bunch of questions, take a few quizzes, and see what happens! Just go for it.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 10-10-2012 at 05:20 PM.
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  #325  
Old 10-10-2012, 05:00 PM
InspirationFlow InspirationFlow is offline
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I would definitely agree about focusing on local poly groups. I've had no luck with OKC, very few people have actually responded and none had any interest beyond that first message...which is fine, the people I've met through my local meetup seem to like me, so no hard feelings.
I check OKC once a week or two to see who has looked at my profile and if any of them jump out at me, but it's very ancillary in my social life anyway. I've heard similar stories from other people at the meetups, too, kind of makes me wonder if it's worth checking anymore...
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  #326  
Old 10-10-2012, 06:19 PM
kimber607507 kimber607507 is offline
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Thanks all for suggestions and feedback
I opened a profile on Ok Cupid and no worries, no pressure, no tedious emails to go through...*crickets*
LOL
No emails, nada, nothing..BIG zero!

*sigh*

Ok back to the drawing board..Kim
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  #327  
Old 10-10-2012, 06:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kimber607507 View Post
Thanks all for suggestions and feedback
I opened a profile on Ok Cupid and no worries, no pressure, no tedious emails to go through...*crickets*
LOL
No emails, nada, nothing..BIG zero!

*sigh*

Ok back to the drawing board..Kim
You only talked about starting an account there yesterday. It hasn't even been one full day. It could take months to get any responses -- it isn't as if people are there just waiting for you to join. And if your profile is as a couple, you will not have as many responses as a single person looking for monogamy. You have to be patient. It could wind up being very fruitful for you, but will likely take a lot of time before that happens. That is why I said to have no expectations.
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The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #328  
Old 10-10-2012, 09:34 PM
kimber607507 kimber607507 is offline
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I know..was only kidding
Plan to keep the account open and do my own work/digging
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  #329  
Old 10-11-2012, 12:56 AM
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Oh, well, good for you then! I look at OKC as something to check every now and then, and to do some searching only when I really have the time. Good luck!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #330  
Old 10-12-2012, 12:30 AM
wokeupconfused wokeupconfused is offline
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With OKC, I find I have to be the initiator of any contact. I do searches with keywords like open, poly, etc..

I am currently talking to a lady through messages. We may meet later, depends on how this intial feeling out process goes..

Good luck, it can be disheartening at times, if you let it.
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