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Old 10-09-2012, 08:10 AM
YoungPoly YoungPoly is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 6
Default Falling more in love with Sec than Prim?

Hi. So I'm about to head of to a lecture, but I'm feeling really emotionally unstable about something right now, so I'm going to try and sum this up real quick.

Basically, I'm in a V relationship with two mono's. My primary is my fiancé, who I've been with for 20 months, and been engaged to for 4 months. My secondary is my boyfriend who I've been dating for just over 4 months.

Everyone is pretty happy with the relationship setup at the moment, though my primary does want it to be just us after another couple of years, when we move away. My secondary and I are very much in love with each other too, and everything is great until we end up thinking about our future (or lack-thereof).

Oh, P.S. I'm a 21 year old gay male...

So. This post has come about because I spent the weekend away with my secondary, and we had the most amazing time, and then when I got back last night, I started worrying that I might be falling more in love with him than my primary (something I didn't think could happen, let alone would...). Now, I only just started thinking this, and it could just be me coming down from a high at the weekend, I really don't know. However, my fiancé was my first proper relationship and (don't get me wrong, I really, really love him, so much), but I'm beginning to worry that I got engaged too early, and that I'm closing myself off from what could possibly be a relationship that will make my life a happier one?

This is really difficult for me (I just burst into tears for the 3rd time this morning, wooo!) and I'm really scared that I do love Sec more than Prim... The thing is, I feel like they are both my soul mates in different ways, and that I want to split into two people and spend the rest of my life with both of them (but obviously I can't...) and neither of them would be happy with a long term poly relationship...

I'm sorry this was all kind of blurted out, and I don't have time to go over it and check for errors or ambiguity, because I have to run off to my lecture now. But I'll be checking for responses throughout the day, so absolutely any advice you guys could give me would really really help (though I'm not really sure what advice can be given in this situation )

If you have any clarifying questions about my relationships that you need to ask to get a better idea of what's going on, please don't hesitate to ask!

Thanks <3
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anxiety, boundaries, children, children and polyamory, co-dependence, co-dependency, communication, compromise, coupledom, dependancy, divorce, excuses, expectations, feeling ignored, foundations, introduction, justifications, lessons, limerence, long distance, mono / poly, mono/poly, new relationship energy, new to polamory, new to polyamory, nre, nre overflow, nre timescale, responsibilities, romantacies, secondaries, secondary, secondary feelings, separation anxiety, vee

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