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  #281  
Old 10-08-2012, 05:15 PM
nerdyred nerdyred is offline
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Thank you everyone so much for all your responses. i appreciate every one.

My clarification is that I have had the opportunities to date other BI ppl. And Strait, and gay ect. I want to be in a poly relationship that will work but I am confused as to what the best way to go about it. I am a professional and really don't believe that can get something for nothing in this life. It is work to build and maintain relationships and the people in them. Poly just adds an additional dynamic. I want to think just how to focus my attentions and what are the possibilities. It is OK for you if you just sit back and let it happen, hey that can be really fun. But for me I don't see it working out like that.

This week I will be going out with a bunch of poly's in a form of getting to know you session. It is the social interactions that have me all a-tizzy and I want to know just what type of people that would be a "BAD" idea. I have seen strait men do some pretty amazing things, in a bad way, when their lovers are in poly and bi. Same goes for women. But their has to be some things to look out for that would be practical.
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  #282  
Old 10-08-2012, 05:32 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I am so sorry, but I still don't understand what kind of suggestions you are seeking. Your clarification still isn't very clear, I'm afraid.

You want to know whether to date bi or straight people?

You want to know how to discern who is a good match and who isn't out of a local group of polyfolk?
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  #283  
Old 10-08-2012, 06:44 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdyred View Post
Thank you everyone so much for all your responses. i appreciate every one.

My clarification is that I have had the opportunities to date other BI ppl. And Strait, and gay ect. I want to be in a poly relationship that will work but I am confused as to what the best way to go about it. I am a professional and really don't believe that can get something for nothing in this life. It is work to build and maintain relationships and the people in them. Poly just adds an additional dynamic. I want to think just how to focus my attentions and what are the possibilities. It is OK for you if you just sit back and let it happen, hey that can be really fun. But for me I don't see it working out like that.

This week I will be going out with a bunch of poly's in a form of getting to know you session. It is the social interactions that have me all a-tizzy and I want to know just what type of people that would be a "BAD" idea. I have seen strait men do some pretty amazing things, in a bad way, when their lovers are in poly and bi. Same goes for women. But their has to be some things to look out for that would be practical.
I am sorry to have to tell you that there are no answers to these questions. Aside from the fact that your sentences do make sense because they follow the rules of English grammar (subject, verb, predicate, etc.), the premise(s) of your question(s) do not make sense. You seem to be operating with some sort of axiom that all bisexual people can be expected to handle their relationships based on some common principles derived from being bisexual, and are searching for a cause-and-effect relationship between that and polyamory. This is fundamentally flawed in more ways that i can begin to explain.

You seem to be asking what are some "bad things" to watch out for in people in general, and what, if any, "bad things" are common in bisexual people specifically, and how these "bad things" can find their expression in relationships with a non-monogamous dynamic factored in. I find it perplexing why you would expect a bunch of strangers on the internet to be able to predict "bad" qualities in a group of people you haven't even met yet, based on whether they are bisexual or not. You have to meet people, get to know them, listen to what they say, how their actions align with what they say, and how they treat others during good times and during times of crisis before you can make an assessment about what type of person they are.

To be honest - I'm already starting to suspect that i wouldn't like you if i ever had the chance to get to know you in person. I am also bisexual, but that is not really relevant.

I hope that was useful to you.
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  #284  
Old 10-08-2012, 06:56 PM
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Sexual preference has no bearing on personality and suitability as a partner. The only thing bi guys are any better at than straight guys is being attracted to men. People are ass holes, or they're not ass holes. Simple as that. Stay away from the ass holes. Define ass hole as broadly as you need to.

If you still can't tell whether someone is an ass hole or not, then figure that out before you start dating anyone, either poly or mono; straight, gay, or bi.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 10-08-2012 at 07:01 PM.
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  #285  
Old 10-12-2014, 07:26 PM
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Qouarin Qouarin is offline
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Default Bisexual: Not a Choice

While coming out to certain people, in person, about being bisexual, I have encountered a response I did not expect. Two people (both women) suggested that I may change my mind about wanting to be with a man after I try it. The words "it's not a choice" sprang to mind - though I did not say anything. I never thought I would use that phrase with regards to my sexual orientation. That was always something gay and lesbian people said. But bisexual? Well, guess what: Apparently bisexual people can encounter the same attitude as homosexual people.

To suggest that I may change my mind is absurd. It is as absurd as someone saying I will change my mind about being attracted to women. I have been consciously aware of my desire to love men for a long time, but I always felt ashamed, thanks to Western culture upbringing. So, I pushed it away whenever the thoughts came to the surface. Then, earlier this year, I started to meditate.

Through my meditations of the past 5 months, I have learned that love is everywhere, and it is the most important thing in all the universe. Love is not restricted to this or that, him or her, them or us. Love is for everyone to experience with everyone else. You do not have to be sexually attracted to someone; there are many versions of love. But it is all love.

I love women. I always have. I also love men. And I always have, even though I ignored it for a long time. Meditation made me realize it was perfectly normal (the universe does not discriminate), and that I should embrace romantic love with both. I did not recently decide to experiment and see what happens. I recently decided to no longer hide my true feelings and to share them with the world.

When I think of being in love with a man, it goes beyond sexual desires. The thought of living, playing, laughing, loving, and exploring life with a man excites and delights me as much as when I think of doing these things with my wife...or another woman. I am not looking to experiment with male sex. I am looking for a life partner - both male and female - to walk the path with me on this journey of exploration.

So don't tell me I might change my mind just because I am talking about me (a man) being in love with another man. That is ridiculous. I can no more change my mind about wanting a boyfriend than I can change my mind about wanting a girlfriend. Religion is choice. Diet is a choice. Even sex is a choice. Which gender I wish to love and romance is not a choice. And I wish to love and romance both.
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  #286  
Old 10-12-2014, 08:40 PM
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Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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you may choose not to engage in sexual activities with a man but that doesn't mean you have a choice who you're attracted to.
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  #287  
Old 10-13-2014, 11:34 PM
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Garriguette Garriguette is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Qouarin View Post
While coming out to certain people, in person, about being bisexual, I have encountered a response I did not expect. Two people (both women) suggested that I may change my mind about wanting to be with a man after I try it. The words "it's not a choice" sprang to mind - though I did not say anything. I never thought I would use that phrase with regards to my sexual orientation. That was always something gay and lesbian people said. But bisexual? Well, guess what: Apparently bisexual people can encounter the same attitude as homosexual people.
Qouarin, I'm sorry they said that. That was pretty rude and invalidating. No one is better equipped to know how you feel than you do.

Occasionally, bisexual people even hear that from their gay and lesbian friends. I had some really painful coming out conversations with a couple of lesbian women I looked up to, who said things like "I would never date a bi woman. They aren't trustworthy" or "I can cope with being dumped for another woman; I can't cope with being dumped for a man."

That stung. I wasn't asking them to date me or be attracted to me. I was asking them to know me and acknowledge who I am.

I am mono, so my experience of attraction is somewhat different from yours. But my experience does accord with yours insofar as I don't decide what attractions to have.
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  #288  
Old 10-13-2014, 11:41 PM
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Qouarin Qouarin is offline
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Thank you for your kind words, Garriguette.
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  #289  
Old 10-14-2014, 03:04 AM
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aLABiMCpl aLABiMCpl is offline
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Post Nature loves it's Bellcurves....



I think you were dealing more with Ignorance.... being Bisexual you already know you like women, and still like men.
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  #290  
Old 10-15-2014, 03:57 AM
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maxnsue maxnsue is offline
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My wife I bisexual while I am hard core hetero. My wife prefers sex with a man but rather live with a woman. My wife has actively participated in well over a thousand threesomes over our 43 year marriage but has never had sex with just a women without me present. She needs me to be part of the sex or she says that she does not enjoy it with women.

However, my wife prefers the company of a woman and lets me know all the time, that if I die before her, she is done with men and wants to live with a woman. Her relationship and sexual needs for each gender are different. As it has been said, being bisexual is not just putting your hands down someone's pants and being fine with whatever you find there.

My wife is very complicated and has never told anyone but our steady g/f that she is bi. She loves feminine looking women only. She enjoys sex with females and orgasms easily with her g/f but she LOVES sex with both me and her g/f the most. Yet she rather hang out with her g/f and talk to her than me. I am the MAN and good for husbandly duties and sex. Her feelings towards women are much different. She loves me a lot and has proven it many times but she also needs a female in her life to feel complete.

Heck, last year I asked her if she thought of herself as bisexual and she told me that she never thought about it. Despite living with another women for almost 38 years, my wife never thought of being bisexual until I asked her. She said that since she has sex with women, that makes her bisexual by definition but she does not consider the sex of a person, just the person. They can be of either sex for her to be attracted to them. She said that it all she knows and has no idea how it feels to only be attracted to one sex.

It is not like many people think. Which end of the male/female line you are closest too depends on what aspect of a relationship you are talking about. It is not as simple as liking both sexes equally.
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