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Old 10-06-2012, 02:01 PM
BraverySeeker BraverySeeker is offline
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You're right, DH, his fight is a futile one. She's even pointed this out, I'm told. And regardless, he's going down still swinging. I can't say I blame him or wouldn't do the same in his shoes. It's only been a few days since she laid it all out there for him, but she can cite many much older instances when she tried to get through to him and he either didn't hear her or chose not to. Now time's up, from her standpoint, and he's still trying to turn back the clock.

Meanwhile, I'm flush, literally, off a breakthrough I can't precisely articulate. If it has to have a label, "ecstatic compersion" might fit. In the throes of an (insert your assumption here) with my wife this morning, I was overcome by the state of mind I've reached over the past few weeks: I'm more in love with my wife and best friend than ever, and I'm floored by the realization that she has so much love to give and deserves all the love she receives. I'm not only not threatened, I want her to pursue this other relationship because it has opened her up to loving me more and prompted us to communicate like we never have. I may be jacked up on her NRE for her GF, but if not for that we wouldn't have so much NRE of our own, connecting more profoundly than at any point in our nearly 25+ years together.

That she can fall in love with someone else and consequently feel more, not less, love for me is nothing short of earth shattering.

At this point she's not even able to truly "be" with her GF in any way other than as a supportive friend. But I no loner fear the point at which they can freely be together, to whatever extent they wish. I don't even feel like it would be "sharing" my wife so much as a chance to bask in the glow of her heart's full potential. Gawd, that sounds corny and naive and ridiculous. Call me on it if you must, but I'm at a plateau right now that has me feeling secure, content, in love and loved.

My wife, nevertheless, feels in some way responsible for what may be her GF's inevitable divorce. I don't think she is. But if she is, then shouldn't she also take responsibility for making my heart grow three sizes larger, too?

My intention here is not to paint myself as the mirror image of the other husband and claim that I am the better man. I was him once, and my heart was shattered. But if not for that heartbreak, I wouldn't have had to piece myself back together and learn to embrace the fluidity of love found and lost.

Yes, a part of me fears a dissolution of my marriage, in some distant dystopian future, no less devastating than his. My wife and I may be on an unprecedented high right now, but I don't think we'll crash and burn. Afterall, I've learned not to take her and her needs for granted, nor will she assume I'm OK with everything unless she asks. That's essential in any healthy relationship, let alone one that involves more than two people.

Last edited by BraverySeeker; 10-06-2012 at 02:15 PM.
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