poly or swinging

[redpepper]

Haha! You make me laugh imaginary. Thanks for that.

A feline frenzy seems to be where we are at. Sharzees seems good to me after a good lube and oil down.

Purr.

(Derbyliscious won't mind mine sure! Better get consent first imaginary. I will drop her a line )

[LovingRadiance]

Sorry if it seems I disappeared! No offense was taken on my part to any of the posts.

Maca and I spent the weekend cuddled up and talking (greengecko had plans in town with his best friend). So we were off the computer and enjoying each other for the most part!

I got the cortisone shot yesterday and was downfor the count pretty much all day. I woke up a few times off and on, but mostly slept all day.

Not sure how well it took-but I'm back to life today.

I agree on Ceoli's point that it's hard when ANYONE in a conversation doesn't take full responsibility for their feelings. That is VERY critical. Even right now-I'm under a lot of physical strain due to the pain, and I"ve caught myself a couple times laying responsibility for my feelings on Maca or GG (not a typical issue of mine) and having to say "sorry, I'm not clear-headed or even sure what I'm thinking much less what you mean to be saying or expressing." followed by letting them know that I just need held or comforted because the pain is overwhelming my mind.
(yes they are awesome and have been on top of that and letting it go when somethign asinine or stupid comes out of my mouth. They haven't let me GET AWAY with it, but they aren't getting their hackles up either thank goodness!).

I think even the best of us sometimes fall on that note (taking full responsibility for our own emotions).

And also for the respect thing that Sea posted. No-we dont' have to agree! But respect makes the conversation run SO much smoother!
I agree (in theory) with your observation. It seems to me that one set of friends I have did meet other people who became more important to them through swinging. The other not so much.


Somewhere in the board recently it was noted that words are simply ATTEMPTS at expressing ideas we have, and often they simply don't do our ideas justice. I think that we all have such intricate, detaied minds that we are sometimes unable to remember that each of us has a DIFFERENT mind an those just as intricate details are not the same. So when we talk often we use words we ASSUME we both understand to have the same meaning-but really, we don't.
Ok-gotta go heat my neck! More later.

[LuvNWonder]

LR.... Wait....what... You've been flirting? :-)

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by LuvNWonder

LR.... Wait....what... You've been flirting? :-)

Um..... ok-not much recently-but yeah sometimes I do!

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by redpepper

Oh ya, this is what I like, flirting with that intent.... I think they would call us a tease LR

Good thing we don't live in the same area and in the same circle of poly friends cause we would cat fight over who we flirt with....

HAHA.... no we won't cause we are poly and we can share (we just need to communicate until we have negotiated our boundaries first... heh...)


I'll fight ya for Imaginary!!!!

RP-I have NO doubt we wouldn't be catfighting, we'd be planning the attacks together!

[LovingRadiance]

Originally Posted by Fidelia

Hold up there, RP. I am totally into Imaginary, too. And not just his endless supply of lovin' lube, but for his own sweet self. And smokin' hot as he is, I'll bet I'm not the only one, especially after his work on the "sexual element" thread.

How do we work this one out? Pistols at sunrise? An arm-wrestling tournament? Set up a rotation schedule, share and share alike?

I call rotation schedule. I'm not a good shot and my shoulder is out of commission due to my neck-so any other option and I automatically lose.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance

RP-I have NO doubt we wouldn't be catfighting, we'd be planning the attacks together!

Oh we would be a force to be reckoned with I'm sure!

[Fidelia]

ROFLMAO! Imaginary, you CRACK ME UP!

[sweetie]

If I could just interject my opinion here, and take it for what it's worth.

I had an opportunity this summer to meet my partners swinging "friends". If putting it parenthisis makes it seem saracastic, I meant it too.

I have never been in any relationship except a mono. One woman, one man, and swinging never even occured to me. That's not to say that I judge anyone who has been in that lifestyle. I believe it if works for you, and everyone is on board, do it.

Here's my problem. I met these couples that were swingers, and had no preconceived notions as to who they were. I was willing to be open. I'm not going to judge someone for their lifestyle, especially knowing they could judge me the same way.

Before we had even met up this summer, they knew I wasn't into this lifestyle. They also knew my partners were no longer interested. I guess they didn't believe it.

When we all met for lunch, one of the women made it very clear that she was interested in having sex with Tommy. I made it very clear, she could want, she wouldn't have. That was where the judgement came into play.

The previous offer of staying at their place was rescinded. All of a sudden they were renovating, and it wouldn't be fair to us.

I have often heard of poly people looking down their nose at swingers. I can't even fathom a person in the swinging lifestyle looking down their nose at me, because, guess what, I love my partner, even though he's married.

They treated me like I was a child. I couldn't possibly know what sharing was all about. They were trying to give me ground rules, that weren't theirs to give. They aren't apart of our lives. They have no idea what our lives are like. They knew my partners as swingers,but that time has passed, and I'm here to tell you, swinging is not poly. These couples proved that to me.

They weren't friends of my partners. If they were, they would have been happy that they found someone who could be part of their lives. All they cared about, was my partners were no longer open to having sex with them.

So when someone who is poly is treated with such disrepect, because they aren't open to having sex with just anyone. Is it any wonder that we dismiss swingers.

Some of them have dismissed us, and frankly if were up to me, I'd tell the people I met this summer that they really need to take a good long hard look at their lives.

Because my partners no longer want to have sex, does that mean you can't be friends? Apparently to those couples, that's exactly what it means. No one has been in contact with them since.

So, yes, alot of times poly starts with swinging, but to have a truly loving committed relationship, you have to be willing to give up the screwing anyone who takes your fancy, to putting your arms around someone who will love you. Someone who puts your feelings before theirs. Someone who isn't in it just for sex, but for intimacy and love.

It may cynical... but the swingers can keep what they have. The ones I met this summer, made it perfectly clear that I was somehow lacking.

[Sweetheart]

I don't think you're being cynical at all. Love and intimacy are important.