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Old 10-05-2012, 09:06 AM
barefootedenjane barefootedenjane is offline
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Default Architecture Student Seeking Help!

Hi everyone!

I'm so excited to be here and look forward to getting to know this community! A bit about myself. I'm an architecture student living in Southern Ontario. The architecture lifestyle is busy, but when I'm not drafting I like to run, play piano and cook (vegan) meals. Once I graduate I hope to move to and practise in the North, maybe Whitehorse or Anchorage.

I have been in a responsibly non-monogamous relationship for a little over a year. My partner and I are very interested in group relationships and have been on the lookout for another like-minded couple to date. However we're both pretty picky when it comes to romantic and sexual partners, plus in our age group it's not easy finding people willing to explore that kind of relationship. We also don't live in the same city. So, I'm not sure if our relationship qualifies as polyamorous, but we are certainly encourage each other to form other intimate relationships. At the moment we are only dating each other, and it's a very warm, supportive relationship.

Now, while I'm very keen to be part of this community, right now I have a more specific agenda, and I need the help of other members. In school we have been given the task of designing a residence for 100 people, one that addresses contemporary domestic issues such as ever-increasing mortgage rates, the isolation caused by personal computing, and the need to densify urban dwellings. What I had in mind was a residence for the polyamorous, a dwelling in which large families with 3 or more adults can find adequate space, as well as a network of other poly families. I think the model of a single-family home living in a Victorian house does not fit in the modern urban fabric and polyamorous housing seems like a viable solution.

What do you guys think? Good idea/bad idea? If you could design a residence for 100 polyamorous people what would you like to see in it? How would you divide the space? What would be private, and what would be common? All input is appreciated!

Thanks so much, and I look forward to getting to know you,

Eden Jane
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Old 10-05-2012, 09:55 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Well, one thing I would definitely include for a poly household: top notch sound proofing on all the bed rooms.

But I'm not sure I understand how else a polyamorous dwelling would differ from a regular dwelling. Poly people, like mono people, need their personal space, usually in the form of their own bedroom. If I had three poly people living in a household, I would probably want three separate bedrooms, plus bedrooms for any kids who live with us. In that sense, it's no different than any modern 3 or 4 bedroom home.

This is all a bit idealistic, though... Polys break up and move out just as often as monos. How do you create flexibility for people to come & go as relationships grow and decay? How do you address the variety of configurations?

And I'm just going to say it: Poly people seem to have more than the usual drama. If I knew there was a building full of poly people, I would most likely avoid it. Oh, I might hang around outside and see if anyone cute comes out, maybe ask them out for coffee.. but I would never move in there. It would be worse than a sorority house!!
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Old 10-05-2012, 10:30 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I've often thought that the cohousing movement was also really suited for poly folks. Private space is there, plus community areas. Cohousing comes in all forms from single family to large condo-type buildings. I lean toward the large apartment building personally but a 'village' of smaller homes would also be cool.
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Old 10-05-2012, 12:08 PM
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Anek Anek is offline
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Hi!
I have no suggestions about your architecture project, but wanted to say hello from another vegan :-)
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Old 10-06-2012, 11:48 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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I read a lot of sci-fi and spend my daydreams concocting fictional living-arrangements/communities as settings for whenever I get around to writing sci-fi of my own.

For urban settings I usually come back to a "flexible pod" model. The "basic unit" would consist of a bedroom big enough for a kingsize bed (couple), two twins (younger children), or a double and a big desk (and older child/student/single adult) - with an attached bath.

Three such units would open into the "activity room" and constitute a "mini-pod". A mini-pod could be utilized by a nuclear type family (two parents and up to four children), a Vee/triad with a few kids, three adults living as roommates, etc. The "activity room" could function as play area, TV room, be divided into workspaces, etc. depending on the needs of the occupants.

Four "mini-pods" would open into a "common area" and constitute a "mega-pod." A mega-pod could be occupied by several nuclear families, two larger families, a poly network, a cohort of students or single adults, etc. The "common area" would contain a large kitchen with chutes for trash/recycling/compost, laundry room and great room/library/living room. Occupants could elect to pool resources for childcare, cooking, cleaning etc. - or NOT. A mega-pod could house 12-24 people.

Stack three mega-pods on top of each other and now you have a complex - housing 36-72 people. Two complexes back to back and you house 72-144 (you could really stack them as high as physics and local building laws allow). You could slide a ground floor under it with "community areas" - daycare, gym, cafeteria, schoolrooms (if the complex is interested in doing a shared-homeschooling model) etc.

For rural areas I envision something more sprawling and communal which would incorporate community gardening, etc. - like the Long family household on Tertius in Heinlein's "Time Enough for Love".

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 10-06-2012 at 11:52 AM.
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Old 10-06-2012, 03:57 PM
nerdyred nerdyred is offline
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Responsible is a word I love to hear. I am so glad you are responsible. To help you in your project I would recommend:

1) Centralized communal area, someplace people can get together. So a small family will have one and as the groups get larger they too will have larger ones. They can be dedicated to exercise, games, children, or sex, anything really.
2) Personal space. Not just a good idea, but a really good idea. I certainly would like to sleep in a pile when I can, but hey, maybe my lover ate the bean burrito? Time to find my own room.
3) Community. I can't handle twenty lovers. I can't tell them all how much I appreciate them so you will need ways to interconnect everyone. Local servers for the computer, some places that people have to pass though in a day as they go to work or stay home. so people can post notes to eachother and sideswipe for a kiss.

Well that is all that hit my noodle. If you like the suggestions chat with me and we can see what more can come of it.
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Old 10-07-2012, 09:35 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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LoL... I'm too introverted for any of this :P All these shared living spaces make me queazy. My own bedroom would not be adequate "personal space" for me. My bed is for sleeping and lovemaking. When we play roughly, we get out of the bedroom. I need that space to be quiet and calm, and only used for peaceful activities. There is no TV in my room. But I like to watch TV, and I like to be the boss of the remote. That would be difficult in such a shared arrangement.

So whatever you decide, make sure it's suitable for introverts like me... Don't force us to share our space!
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  #8  
Old 10-13-2012, 12:09 AM
barefootedenjane barefootedenjane is offline
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hey! thanks for everyone's input! does anyone have anything to say about child care in a polyamorous household? how does it typically work?
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Old 10-13-2012, 12:40 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
LoL... I'm too introverted for any of this :P All these shared living spaces make me queazy. My own bedroom would not be adequate "personal space" for me. My bed is for sleeping and lovemaking. When we play roughly, we get out of the bedroom. I need that space to be quiet and calm, and only used for peaceful activities. There is no TV in my room. But I like to watch TV, and I like to be the boss of the remote. That would be difficult in such a shared arrangement.

So whatever you decide, make sure it's suitable for introverts like me... Don't force us to share our space!
I'm so introverted that I hate having neighbors whose houses I can SEE - but for some reason I can handle having these boys in my very small house, since I can always go to MY space in the house and they know how to leave me alone. I moved to the country to get rid of even having neighbors - but OP specified an urban housing situation.

In my "flexible pod model above I see two options for one such as yourself. You could rent an entire "mini-pod" for yourself - central room + 3 "basic units" that could be used for whatever purposes (you could put a kitchenette in one so you wouldn't have to share the big one). OR if you had two complexes back to back - the bedroom that butted up to the other complex could "steal" a basic unit from the mirror mini-pod and have a "double basic unit" for one person (bedroom and sitting room). Just because a shared space is available doesn't mean you have to utilize it.

If I was forced to live in multifamily housing like this then I could see the three of us having one minipod to ourselves. One basic unit being the main bedroom with a king-size bed, one basic unit being Dude's alternative bedroom (he sleeps on the couch some nights now because MrS snores) or guest room if someone has another lover over. The third "basic unit" would be my study and the central room our living/TV room. The boys could utilize the shared kitchen if they wanted, I would probably eat in the cafeteria with a good book at a table by myself if they weren't cooking.

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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  #10  
Old 10-13-2012, 12:51 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by barefootedenjane View Post
hey! thanks for everyone's input! does anyone have anything to say about child care in a polyamorous household? how does it typically work?
I don't know that there is a "typical" arrangement - it seems to depend on the poly tangle. (We don't have kids.) Some seem to more strictly define the role of parents vs. other adults but swap babysitting and "special activity" duties. Others seem to have "all adults co-parent all kids" arrangements - which would require a great deal of agreement as to parenting styles, I would think. Incidentally you see all kinds of arrangements of co-parenting in the "monoworld" as well. For instance, kids whose parents have divorced and remarried and have kids from each relationship - wthe rules are different at different houses and compromises have to be reached.

In my flexible pod complex above I imagine that either - 1.) families with kids (whether poly or not) might elect to occupy a megapod together and dedicate one mini pod to be the kids pod, with bunkrooms and play area and adults could rotate kid-watching duties / cleaning duties / cooking duties. OR 2.) the whole complex could have a co-op daycare on the main floor of the complex - outside childcare could be hired or some residents might want to run it as a business and allow non-resident's to place kids there for a higher fee.

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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