How many is to many?

[GalaGirl]

how many partners is to many, it didnt feel great taking the whore award even if it was an amazing "bullet" are we still living in a world where the number of partners matters?

Games like that are lame if they use charged words like "prude" and "whore." Do not play. Women do not need to participate in their own devaluation/valuation as sex dispensing objects. People are not THINGS. People are PEOPLE.

If you want to play that game why not just call it what it is? Least partners and most partners? Sheesh. Even then why play? Who and how many I sleep with is my business and only the business of my lovers for their sex health info needs. Not for party entertainment. Play another game for sex toy prizes.

Your body is yours to share as you wish.

There IS no "too many" for you. Or "too little" for you. When YOU get to decide? It is always just right for you at the time.

And that's just fine. Your body is YOURS to share or not share.

GG

[Arrowbound]

Too many? Hmm. I'm sure my SO thought at some point that the amount of partners I've had is too many but obviously it didn't mean too much since we're still together with a child, lol. I didn't care what his number was; that isn't an indicator of anything weird to me.

It sure does still matter, depending on the person. I think by now after getting to know me SO knows that we view sex differently and that's okay. It is what it is. He has to love said partner, I don't.

[persephone]

I got married fairly young, having had very few lovers. When my husband and I decided to open our marriage not quite 20 years later, I went a little crazy. I played cougar for about a year and was literally picking out handsome young studs off a hookup site. Then I met my first poly boyfriend and he inspired me to behave myself a bit better. Once I found love again, the "boytoys" lost some of their charm.

I am currently blessed to be in relationships with three sweet amazing poly men, and, while I am not saying I'll never have a casual partner again, it would take a lot to tempt me into any sexual situation that was not part of a loving or potentially loving poly relationship.

I don't regret my "slutty year." I figured out a lot about myself sexually, developed a lot more confidence with the opposite sex, and met some interesting people. I probably would only regret it now if I had caught an incurable STD (I didn't catch anything, not even something curable), or infected someone I loved with one.

I hate the sexual double standard, wherein a man with a lot of partners is a stud and a woman with a lot of partners is a slut. That standard will collapse if women stop buying into it. I hope to see that day soon.

[cosmicsunshine]

Originally Posted by persephone

I hope to see that day soon.

me too

[SourGirl]

I never figured out the 'numbers' game anyhow. Some people see my number as middle-of-the-road, others see it as some 'shockingly' low number, considering the bi/open-marriage stuff. Depending how you dub 'sex', I just know it's less then my age !

Still :

- To a nun, 4 sexual partners is a lot. You're being prayed for. lol

- To your best conservative friend, 4 is pretty average.

- To some hipster, you are a prude, and need to get out more.

*shrug*

[JaneQSmythe]

Dude and I played this game amongst ourselves one night - with the "added bonus" of whether we remember their names or not (...riddle me this, he LIVED WITH a girl for three years and can't, now, remember her last name...although he says he knew it at the time)

Our numbers are roughly equal (approx 2 dozen). Mine are split about equally M/F (we also had to decide what constituted sex...he was pretty much only counting PIV - my definition ended up being "was it an activity, other than kissing, that could have transmitted gonorrhea, had it been unprotected?") I remember more names, he had more long-term/cohabitating relationships.

What does this mean? Er, nothing but some amusement and getting to know each other better. He was surprised that, until him, I hadn't slept with a male, other than my husband, for the last NINETEEN years (was barely tempted, most guys piss me off, what can I say? We had an OPP that was never renegotiated because my focus was on all the cute girls...) I was surprised that he had never heard the term "polyamory" until he met me...

Jane("Whores-do-it-for-money,-sluts-do-it-for-fun,-it's-all-good")Q

PS. MrS has been much more "conventional"...4-5 partners, most (all?) of which considered themselves his girlfriend...If you don't count the threesomes that he was invited to by me+girl (that didn't involve "penising")...this DOES get complicated, doesn't it?

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe

Dude and I played this game amongst ourselves one night - with the "added bonus" of whether we remember their names or not . . .

Oh my lord, I wouldn't even attempt trying to remember names! I don't recall a lot of their faces either. But I'm old now, my memory ain't what it used to be...

[cosmicsunshine]

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe

We had an OPP that was never renegotiated because my focus was on all the cute girls...)

i didnt even think to count the women when i though about my number, lol i'm not going to read to much in to that though. even though it just practically doubled. whoops!

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by cosmicsunshine

i didnt even think to count the women when i though about my number, lol . . .

That is strange, isn't it? I wonder why not??? Well, you still won the award without counting them, but you likely may have some interesting insights if look at why you omitted women when asked about it. Something to learn about yourself.

[SchrodingersCat]

To me, it's not so much the number as the reason.

My husband and girlfriend both went through periods in their youth where they used sex to boost their self-esteem and as a coping mechanism for childhood trauma. Neither one of them has the faintest idea how many people they've slept with, they just know it was a lot. They've both now dealt with their issues in a healthy way, and no longer feel the need to have sex as a substitute for love.

If I met someone who was still having lots of sex for what I think of as the "wrong reasons," I would probably avoid any type relationship with that person. I'm at a point in my life where I need to surround myself with people who are healthy and happy. I've spent most of my adult life being my bipolar mom's "rock," I don't need to take on any other people's emotional issues.

Originally Posted by HopeLessRomantic

i think number only matters if ur the type to sleep with alot of strangers & without protection, then naturally it matters for obvious reasons. but how many ppl are honestly going to admit they have gone in the raw more usual than not?

As long as they test clean for all STIs, I don't think it even matters then. The past is the past. Everyone's done things they're not proud of, it's human nature to make mistakes. What matters is how you handle yourself afterwards.