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  #341  
Old 10-04-2012, 06:57 PM
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I don't know if it is the same in Alaska as it is in the state where I grew up (are you legally married?), but you may be able to have him committed against his will if he is a "danger to himself or others." I'd say OD'ing on pain meds in order not to wake up is a definite danger to himself.
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  #342  
Old 10-04-2012, 07:10 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I'd say OD'ing on pain meds in order not to wake up is a definite danger to himself.
Even if he was just doing it for attention, instead of trying to die, it's not a sign that things are going to get better without professional help.
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  #343  
Old 10-04-2012, 07:21 PM
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Yes you read it right.
Yes he needs professional help.
No I can't get him admitted against his wishes. I can contact the courts to request that, then go to court in 30 days and argue my case, but, by that time, he can say he no longer feels that way and the case gets tossed out. (We've been through this with several people including teens who are now dead by their own hand-very asinine).

I've tried to get him to do therapy-he goes for a few weeks, then blows it off as "not going anywhere or doing anything significant".

The next real option is to walk away.

and I'm not sure if I'm there yet.
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  #344  
Old 10-04-2012, 07:59 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
No I can't get him admitted against his wishes. I can contact the courts to request that, then go to court in 30 days and argue my case, but, by that time, he can say he no longer feels that way and the case gets tossed out.
Damned if you do and damned if you don't? May as well DO then and at least try to save his life and get him to a healing place.

If you are done, break up. Notify his next of kin and get you to a safer place. That is STILL trying to make changes to get him to a healthier space -- just you not leading the charge and getting YOU to a different healthy place.

My dad played that game with me. I kept giving it right back. I had to clock 2 different attempts before I could petition a judge to give me a court order to bag my dad against his will and put him in for involuntary evaluation.

That's the last resort thing here. Doc refer first if you go willing, then 911 catch you in the act next but they have to actually CATCH you having a cow in the heat of the moment, THEN the judge petition is the last resort.

It was tense times wondering what wacky he'd get up to in the meanwhile but we made it. We bagged him and he got his dx and meds. He's still a handful elder running around but he's not being a danger to himself or others any more. Thank goodness for meds!

If your own people will not do this for you, who will? The neighbors? Strangers?

I know it is hard. But don't get paralyzed or go numb. Or if you feel like you are, turn to your other people to aid you. Around it, over it, under it - there is always another way. Find the way.

Hang in there.

hugs,
GG
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  #345  
Old 10-05-2012, 05:42 AM
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I know its worthless to work on this mess while we are all sick. None the less I resent the delay. It just feels like one more lead in to sweeping it under the carpet so it can attack again later. It bugs the holy fuck out of me.
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  #346  
Old 10-05-2012, 09:33 AM
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MrFarFromRight MrFarFromRight is offline
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Dear LR,



I've had too many things on my hands to be able to catch [as I promised] up on this thread from the last time that I was active here, but reading these latest posts today has been a mind-blower!

There are people who need to suffer. And some of those need to push the blame on their suffering on others... often on people who love them. ["The World hates me, but that I can deal with. It's the way you hurt me that's difficult to handle."] Perhaps this isn't exactly what Maca is doing, but asking for you to take responsibility for his life [TELL ME what to do] and then blaming you for nagging him is diseased. And telling you that he's moving out then being angry at your inability/unwillingness to respond at that time
Quote:
This morning at 6am he woke me on the couch being sweet, told me he would be back to pack his things after work. [...]
Then he stormed out of the house in a fury.
is a classic example of emotional blackmail.

YOU're the one to blame, LR! Can you live with that? Long term? Is this going to change?

Sometimes "suicide attempts" are one of the biggest guns in emotional blackmail. ["It was YOUR fault that I killed / TRIED to kill myself!"]

This is going to sound hard-hearted, but if it were me, I'd considering telling him: "Get your shit together by yourself; ask me honestly for help - then appreciate it; get professional help... or take more of those pills. It's not up to me, it's up to you."

[And don't blame me if he does it...]
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Last edited by MrFarFromRight; 10-05-2012 at 09:38 AM.
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  #347  
Old 10-05-2012, 03:44 PM
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In a nearly as hard-hearted manner, I did tell him that.

I'm in my 4th semester of school and this week I apply for acceptance to my degree program (pulling straight A's so far). My degree is Psychology, my focus is suicide.
I can honestly say-I was NOT and AM NOT impressed with this latest in his long line of using me as his scapegoat (which is one of two words I used when speaking to him-the other was whipping post) for every single thing that goes wrong in his life.
I am completely unimpressed with the pointed suicidal comments and my reaction to being told them was to tell him that was idiotic. I didn't yell or even open my eyes. I just replied "that was idiotic". He got his feelings hurt-but frankly at this point, what else is there for him to do? He needs to get his feelings hurt by his stupid choices and make different choices.

I don't know where it will go from here. I am waiting out the "everyone is sick as a dog" place-but I'm doing it from a distance. He's not happy about my distance, he's moody, needy, emotional. But, he did it all to himself and honestly-
all of the love in the world isn't helpful if he isn't willing to get his own head out of his ass AND MAINTAIN his commitment to fixing all that is wrong inside.

Today, GG and I are taking Sour Pea to town. They are going to the zoo while I'm in class. I have a few meetings after class, then this evening we're going to the game night with the lgbt club at school (that I unexpectedly became president of 2 weeks ago).
Tomorrow is Pride Conference and I am a speaker in one of the workshops (on suicide)and I am running another (on polyamory). I had previously invited Maca to go. But, I took back my invite after this latest episode.
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  #348  
Old 10-07-2012, 05:11 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Pat on back commences!

I am proud of myself.
I wanted there to be a polyamory wirkshop at our local Pride Confernce. There wasn't one. So, I offered to do one and my offer was accepted. I asked for help from some online polygroups I am in and got some good suggestions.

I went today and did the workshop. It went well. I got compliments and constructive criticism too!! I am really happy with myself and lookijg forward to doing another!
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  #349  
Old 10-08-2012, 03:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Pat on back commences!

I am proud of myself.
I wanted there to be a polyamory wirkshop at our local Pride Confernce. There wasn't one. So, I offered to do one and my offer was accepted. I asked for help from some online polygroups I am in and got some good suggestions.

I went today and did the workshop. It went well. I got compliments and constructive criticism too!! I am really happy with myself and lookijg forward to doing another!
__________________
If I can't dance, I want no part in your Revolution.
- Emma Goldman Anarchist and Polyamorous par excellence
The person who says something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- old Chinese proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
I'd rather have a broken heart / Than have a heart of stone.
- from "Boundless Love (A Polyamory Song)" by Jimmy Hollis i Dickson
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  #350  
Old 10-08-2012, 06:37 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Today GG and I took the kids and My sister to the NOH8 campaign photo shoot. It was so fun! It was so nice to do something meaningful AND fun as a family.
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