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  #511  
Old 09-13-2012, 03:07 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Belatedly, thanks for the encouragement, Rainy and Jay!

Completely random notes.

I'm listed as the emergency back-up contact for Bee at his daycare. I like this fact.

Gia invited me to come as her date to her office's holiday party. She started working at the same place Eric does over the summer and, not long ago, she was fretting about not being out as poly there. I guess she's decided to come out.

I'm waiting until October to invite G&E&B to dinner with my parents. My parents told me I should invite them a while back, but things are very busy right now and I want to wait until it's calmer. Admittedly, I'm also nervous. I'm curious as to whether Eric will choose to come. I plan to tell him that he's completely welcome, but that his presence is not required... they may be interested in him, but it's really my girlfriend and her child that they want to meet.

I dreamed the other day that I adopted a baby girl. I woke up thinking about needing to buy formula for her. It's the first time I've ever had a dream like that.

Davis's birthday is tomorrow. I'm going to take him out to eat. The weekend after next, we're going to go camping just the two of us, which we've never done before.
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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  #512  
Old 09-13-2012, 08:29 PM
Jaynine Jaynine is offline
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i love reading your posts. i can relate to your thoughts alot. things are going well in some ways better some not as good. i can see how much my bf loves me and wants to keep me in his life forever. i always said to myself and them if i thought our relationship was putting a strain on their marriage i would leave. easier said than done. my relationship with bf is amazing, its been 18 months now and the nre has quietened down slightly but now i feel a deeper love and an understanding. my relationship with his wife, my gf, has been so up and down due to many reasons i understand but now feels more like a very very close friendship, the intimacy has died down somewhat. our sexual intimacy as a 3 has also decreased and this is sad. i asked gf about this yesterday and she said she felt the focus last year became too much on me and bf pushing for 1:1 time that it put her off joining in as a 3. she admits that she really beleived, when she fell for me and we all started spending time together and then they asked me to move in, that it would remain her and him, and us 3 separately. then bf fell in love with me too, she honestly didnt count on that happening.

so i dont know where that leaves us, ive had 2 nights in past week where gf has been away and ive spent the whole night in bed with bf and its been amazing. we are all so different. bf loves to be told how much he is wanted and loves me initiating sex, and after my 20 year marriage with no desire in me for my husband, i love turning him on, and iniatating sex often. gf always waits for either of us to initiate intimacy and that makes it hard. she beleives she needs to see us wanting her to feel loved. both me and bf would love for her to make the move occasionally. everyone needs to feel wanted/ desired sometimes.

i could go on, but starting to ramble, sorry
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  #513  
Old 09-13-2012, 08:43 PM
Jaynine Jaynine is offline
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just to add, for anyone who hasnt read my other posts, our relationship is supposed to be a triad, with me not as a secondary, im happy with this arrangement but at times feel like a secondary and feel lonely. bf tries really hard to support, love and care for me as an equal, and he makes me feel like an equal. gf makes it really obvious that im way down on her priority list when it comes to him and me, which saddens me. im still contemplating whether to start up an outside relationship if i feel love for another. i know this would please my gf, but not my bf. but then maybe if it came to me falling for another woman she might find it harder than she thinks due to her jealously issues. i dont fall for people easily tho. at present our relationship is closed. p.s. anna, as time goes on my bf makes more and more time for me, we love to go out drinking and dancing together, i can really relate to your special moments with gia and your desire to be more intimate with eric, and your patience and understanding, its so hard sometimes being a new part of a family. especially after being part of my own family for 18 years.
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  #514  
Old 09-14-2012, 09:30 AM
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I was reading your post on the 11th and partway through I found my mouth moving into a happy smile for you. A BIG smile, I'm so glad you're finding the people you love having more energy for you in the sexy ways!
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  #515  
Old 09-14-2012, 05:28 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Hey Jay, thanks for sharing. If your relationship is more of a vee than a triad, maybe that's ok, as long as, like you say, your bf is responsive to your needs. When you talk about whether or not you'd consider being open to another partner, you talk about how he'd react and how she'd react. I say, focus on what's best for you.

Tbh, your story and others like it make me feel better about the things that sometimes bug me, like not having the opportunity to live with G&E. Because it seems like it's very hard for things to feel equal in such a situation, especially in the beginning (though there are those who have done it... hi, Phy, if you're reading!), and even though sometimes it feels like it would be great, it would probably hurt like heck at times. Our pace is our pace, and our collective comfort levels are our collective comfort levels.

Glad to have made you smile and for the camaraderie, Anne.
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  #516  
Old 09-14-2012, 06:13 PM
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Always with you, Annabel Just a bit silent lately.
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  #517  
Old 09-14-2012, 09:05 PM
Jaynine Jaynine is offline
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thankyou anna ☺
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  #518  
Old 09-14-2012, 09:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phy View Post
Always with you, Annabel Just a bit silent lately.
*waves*
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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  #519  
Old 09-27-2012, 02:53 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Not too much to share at the moment. Life is on an even keel.

Davis and I have been spending a lot of quality time together lately. We both really enjoyed our two-day camping trip last weekend. Tonight we're going to see a play.

I've settled into a very workable routine with my every-other-week babysitting night with Bee. I give Eric a ride home from the city, where I live/work and he and Gia work (they take the subway in together, but then she gets off earlier and picks up the baby, while he works late so that he can be off with the baby one day a week, so it's waiting for him to get home that cuts into their date nights). I take Bee to the library, which has a great interactive kid's section, then to a diner with me where I grab some grub, then finally back to their place. It's great because there's no longer a question of feeling awkward if they want to fool around while I'm watching the boy. Bee and I both have fun, and I don't even know whether Gia and Eric go out or stay in. Much better system all around.

The night before last I gave Gia a ride home with the intention of just hanging and cooking dinner together (I had a new recipe I was excited to try -- it came out perfectly!). Riding with one of them just makes so much sense if I'm heading that way anyway, and it's a great way to get some extra conversation-time in. I went with her when she picked up Bee from daycare. As we were leaving, merrily chatting and juggling the baby, one of the daycare workers broke in awkwardly and said, looking at me, "So, is she, er, family?" I don't know what her deal was, maybe she had picked up on the vibe between Gia and I. Gia said "She's one of the people who can pick up Bee." I looked the woman in the face and said "I'm a friend." We left it at that.

Yesterday, I ran into her downtown as she was leaving work and I was going to a co-worker's going-away happy hour. It was Eric's day home with Bee, so she had no need to rush home. After checking with Eric, she came with me to the happy hour and stayed for a drink. I bought her her drink and got some fries for us to share, and introduced her to my boss and co-workers as my girlfriend, which felt very nice. She got along well with everyone, and later she told me "Your co-workers are comfortable like flannel!" It's true, they're very relaxed people, very different from her unfortunately-uptight office. She and I sat very close together on a bench, and out of view of everyone else she poked, pinched, and goosed me from time to time. Very dom-y, very hot.
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  #520  
Old 10-04-2012, 04:35 AM
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Last night, my roommate Eddie told me that he loved me. This post is a meditation on my relationship with Eddie.

I met Eddie and his then-partner, we'll call him Sun, at our college's GLBT group, almost exactly ten years ago (wow). That was the only meeting of that group that I ever went to (I wasn't working through anything about being queer, I'd already done all that in high school, so I just didn't feel like I had much to say), but the two of them caught my eye, they seemed interesting. Afterwards, in the evening, the three of us went for a walk in the woods. There was nothing charged about it, but somehow I knew, with complete certainty, that we'd all end up sleeping together.

Not too long after (a couple of weeks, maybe?), we did. I hooked up with the two of them for, really, just a handful of weeks, but it made an impression on me. They were both so innocent, in their different ways. God, I can't even remember who initiated. A lot of it is fuzzy, really. I remember vivid moments, pleasure. I remember kissing, touching. We didn't define it or try to set up any sort of structure or rules, I wasn't "dating" them, they just graciously opened themselves and their relationship to me and we all treated each other with care and respect.

Then, Ziggy, the man who, at the time and for many years after, was the love of my life, left me for the first time. I couldn't bear to be with anyone then, so I broke it off with Eddie and Sun, as well as with another pair of lovers of mine (I had a wild young adulthood, what can I say... for the record, everyone knew about each other, it was all copacetic). I stayed good friends with them, especially with Eddie, throughout college. He and Sun eventually split, and Sun moved away.

Eddie and I didn't really stay in contact after college. He was a year ahead of me, so I was still there after he had left. A year after I graduated, he got in touch -- he wanted me to be part of his party for his wedding. He was getting married to a man I'd known in college, my now-roommate Liam. As it happened, I badly needed a new place to stay at the time (don't ever live in a deteriorating mansion with 12 punks and no house rules, kids, it's pretty gross!), and they had an extra room in the place they were renting, so I moved in.

Since then, I've watched him change and grow, all for the better. He's happier now, stronger, fiercer. He lives a vibrant, active life. I admire him and feel immensely comfortable with him at the same time. We talk at great length about sex, relationships, and human nature, trading thoughts, laughing.

It was years before it happened this time around, rather than weeks, but I eventually fooled around with both Eddie and Liam. I like Liam, but it was Eddie I was still irresistibly drawn to. We would get tipsy and then end up on the floor making out and more, totally oblivious to whomever else might be around. Unlike with new infatuations, despite being intense there was no sense of *urgency* to our re-discovered sexual relationship. It happened when it happened, and the rest of the time we were just friends, relaxed.

Then, I started "officially" dating Davis again (long-time readers of this blog know that story). While Davis accepted my existing relationship with Gia (ending that was *never* on the table), he asked that I let go of my more casual dalliances. There was one FWB that it pained me to cut off (Harry), but with Eddie it wasn't remotely a problem for either of us. Since then, actually, Eddie has gotten a special "makeouts are ok" pass from Davis, so we're back to that, on occasion.

All of this is to explain what I mean when I say that my connection with Eddie is effortless, uncomplicated, enduring. As friends, our affinity had stood the test of time, and is reaffirmed nigh-daily. When the opportunity has been there, we've made solid, if sporadic, lovers. When the opportunity hasn't been there, neither of us have pined for it, because it's not the important part of our connection, nor is it even our main mode of conveying affection physically. We communicate wordlessly, frequently, with hugs, small touches, back scratches, bites.

We have what I think of us as a sort of unfettered comfort and understanding. If I want to walk up during the middle of a roleplaying game that Eddie is DM'ing, kneel at his chair, and lay my head in his lap for a minute, he doesn't miss a beat, just keeps interacting with his players as he slides his fingers into my hair and strokes. We look out for each other, advise each other, know each other, trust each other implicitly.

So, when he said to me, the other night, that he wanted to let me know that he loved me, his voice a little nervous, I didn't think twice before replying that I loved him too. How odd, really, to have gone a decade without ever having said it. I suppose we've simply never needed to. Still, it was nice to hear it, nice to be able to so effortlessly express reciprocation. He is family to me, dear, irreplaceable. No one has filled the niche in my life that he has.

If writing this out serves to do one thing only, it's to remind me how incredibly, incredibly lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do. <3
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Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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