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Old 10-04-2012, 03:43 AM
SearchingforMyself SearchingforMyself is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southern California
Posts: 29
Default Rebuilding Trust?

Quick recap of situation posted on another thread:

My live-in E was pursuing a new possible interest, my friend D. After a number of boundaries were decided upon and agreed to - they immediately broke almost all of them. They had a public display of "making out" at a shopping center close to where my family lives - and my family is unaware. In full disclosure, I have a lover, JP, but we do not do PDA either. E vacillated on the relationship with D, saying he was going to end it, that he couldn't handle it but then deciding on going to discuss all boundries with D. He came home and told me that they had dicusssed and agreed upon boundaries - including items such as no sexual activity in front of her daughter. When I asked if he had at least given her a good-bye kiss, he said that he had but that nothing else had happened. Long story short - way more had happened then just a kiss or two. When I finally spoke with D 3 days later (he had told her to not speak to me for a few days so that I could calm down and he could "fix" things) she let me know that they had engaged in oral - something which he had still been denying at that point. By this point, he had claimed to have come clean 4 times. First they just kissed, then it was that they had "made out," then he had kissed her breasts, then it was hands down the pants... oh, and all of this happened while her daughter was awake and in the living room.

Trust is a huge issue for me - especially with E, as this situation has actually occurred before with him and resulted in our splitting up for several years.

He is now walking around acting the same way as he did before this breach in trust occurred. I have mentioned to him this site, as well as other ways for him to possibly try to mend the breach - doing nice things for me like cooking, cleaning, etc. I am numb over the whole thing at the moment and have been for a few weeks since it happened. I feel that he has tried to shift the blame - saying that if I hadn't "backed down" that he wouldn't have pursued a relationship with D. I'm at a loss as to what to do. I don't feel that I should have to keep telling him what to do and I'm not seeing him taking any of the first steps to working on himself that he said he was going to do. All I know is that watching him act like nothing has changed isn't working for me at all.

I'm looking for thoughts, support, advice.... Is it even possible to rebuild trust after someone breaks it twice in the exact same way?:
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