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  #1481  
Old 09-25-2012, 06:55 AM
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I can't imagine trying to juggle four loves, my kids, school whew! I admire your tenacity.
I love to flirt with your men. I do so much more frequently with Mono than PN. But both are ever so sweet and fun to flirt with. I will promise you, it will remain just friendly flieting though. Lol. Too far to travel for romance! Besides, their gorgeous, playful woman would be very tempting were I closer. Lol!!
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  #1482  
Old 09-25-2012, 03:05 PM
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Heh thanks LR.

You're guys are just as flirtable...
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  #1483  
Old 10-03-2012, 05:13 AM
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Its the month of birthdays around here.

Derby and Brad both have their birthdays today. I took Derby to a show on the weekend. Boy-lesque! It was so much fun and we had a great time, even though it didn't start until 10.15pm on a Sunday. We both work in the morning and were so wound up on coffee and a good time that neither of us slept that night. We were both so tired at work the next day.

Tonight I secretly planned with Derby's husband, to take her out for dinner with their kids, her friends and child and my guys and boy. We were a rowdy bunch of ten at a sushi restaurant. It was a lot of fun complete with presents, flowers and cake. Derby was the queen with her crown at the table. She was as beautiful as ever in the new corset that her husband bought her.

Brad's birthday I will celebrate with him tomorrow. I took him out to burlesque too, but tomorrow I am going over to his place for the evening. His wife and I secretly planned that too. I am so glad to not have any secrets again like that weighing me down. I loved asking questions about what they would do for their birthdays, but had a hard time with telling them I wasn't free to celebrate with them as much as I usually would or could. That part is all revealed now and I look forward to a birthday celebration tomorrow at Brad's. He is making him and I a vegetarian meal. It will be the second time we have had more than an couple of hours alone together. I am very excited... and so is he. Its all he has talked about since I told him last night. His wife and boy will be home at the boys bed time and then we will all watch a movie together.

Later this month is Mono's birthday. He has had his present already as I bought him a hand made belt to replace his old one. The buckle is now on a new belt. I couldn't hide it for very long as he wears it every day, so I had to tell him. We will go for dinner as a family and invite some of his friends along. I am wondering if I should invite his female friend...

Mono's female friend and I have been writing back and forth on FB a bit. She responded to something I posted and I took it and ran with it. I have posted a couple of things on her wall that I thought she would like (It has helped to FB stalk her! Who knew it would mean that I know what she likes?!) and she has responded to more things.

We have reached an end for now I think as she responded to something that I knew a lot of my friends would disagree with and challenge. Sure enough they have and I worry that that will be it. Our politics are vastly different and while I don't care much about that, she might. Where she loves bacon, guns, and zombies, I like vegetarian/vegan food, quotes about love and peace and music. We seemed to of been able to understand each other in relation to recycling stuff creatively and homesteading though. That's something I guess, lol.

I have been struggling with some depression this last little while. I have been missing old friends and being hard on myself for friendships ending in confusion and anger again. Re-hashing questions and over thinking about what happened in certain situations. I just can't let stuff go, as hard as I try, I will always re-hash stuff over and over again, letting time pass awkwardly, until there is no chance of getting to the bottom of things. A lot of the time the moment is lost and there is no reason to bring stuff up again as the person I am thinking about likely doesn't care or even remember me any more. I seem to be out of it for now. I'm just me after all and I have to be able to cope with my tedious tendencies to perseverate on stuff I can't change.
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  #1484  
Old 10-03-2012, 05:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
We both work in the morning and were so wound up on coffee and a good time that neither of us slept that night. We were both so tired at work the next day.
Oh, poor dears! Isn't that how you define a successful party?

Quote:
Mono's female friend and I have been writing back and forth on FB a bit. She responded to something I posted and I took it and ran with it. I have posted a couple of things on her wall that I thought she would like (It has helped to FB stalk her! Who knew it would mean that I know what she likes?!) and she has responded to more things.
FB stalking is fun.

Quote:
We have reached an end for now I think as she responded to something that I knew a lot of my friends would disagree with and challenge. Sure enough they have and I worry that that will be it. Our politics are vastly different and while I don't care much about that, she might. Where she loves bacon, guns, and zombies, I like vegetarian/vegan food, quotes about love and peace and music. We seemed to of been able to understand each other in relation to recycling stuff creatively and homesteading though. That's something I guess, lol.
OK, don't worry too much. My political views are all over the board, but I have friends and family on both sides to the extreme. If I go by my fb feed, it's pretty well balanced. I have had to have conversations with some and say "I can't agree with you on certain subjects and I hope we can just agree to disagree on these things. While I don't mind voicing my opinion, I'd prefer not to get into a debate." In many cases it works great, although not so much with parents .

Quote:
Re-hashing questions and over thinking about what happened in certain situations. I just can't let stuff go, as hard as I try, I will always re-hash stuff over and over again, letting time pass awkwardly, until there is no chance of getting to the bottom of things.
I do this too and it sucks. Don't have any advice for you, but hugs!
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  #1485  
Old 10-03-2012, 08:33 PM
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Thanks SNeacail. She posted something on my wall this morning that made me think we are still okay. I was glad to receive it.
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  #1486  
Old 10-04-2012, 12:51 AM
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Thanks SNeacail. She posted something on my wall this morning that made me think we are still okay. I was glad to receive it.
I was figuring that someone who likes "bacon, guns, and zombies", isn't going to be deterred by a little FB sparing. Her skin would be thicker than that. No worries.
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  #1487  
Old 10-04-2012, 08:46 PM
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I was figuring that someone who likes "bacon, guns, and zombies", isn't going to be deterred by a little FB sparing. Her skin would be thicker than that. No worries.
True enough, although she did participate at the beginning of the thread. I suspect she just isn't so invested in fighting about it. Today she brought Mono some books for me. Nice! not sure what I think and feel about it all, so I'm not examining it at all. I'm more interested in Mono's response than anything else.

I've been really happy lately. I love the attention I have been able to give to my loves during their birthdays. I'm broke and exhausted, but content and feel that I have adequately shown them how much I live them. It spreads once I start I find. I want to give and show love in gallons. PN hasn't missed out. Even if it isn't his birthday. I've just been showing him I love and appreciate him in smaller, less expensive and time using ways.

Mono is next. My dear sweet Mono. Oh he's going to be loved up something fierce! After that I will need a me break.
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  #1488  
Old 10-05-2012, 05:46 AM
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Mono got a present from his lady friend. She gave it to him with books for me to borrow that she thought I'd like. He didn't tell me about the present when he told me about the books earlier. I felt that she had buttered me up to make things nice between us so she could give it to him without my being upset. Maybe she was feeling me out. Then I thought it might be a goodbye present. He will be leaving his job after all and that is where he sees her. She is leaving next weekend won't be back before he's done. Now there are books to return to her. Which means seeing her to be able to return them.
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Last edited by redpepper; 10-07-2012 at 05:44 PM.
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  #1489  
Old 10-07-2012, 05:25 PM
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That wonderful feeling when all my loves are in my house, under one roof, eating the food I made them and letting me serve them.

Happy Canadian Thanks Giving.
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  #1490  
Old 10-07-2012, 05:49 PM
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I have been waiting to see if my communication with Mono's female friend continues as it would seem to me that if it stopped then I indeed was being used to smooth over any repercussions of the present Mono got.

I thanked her for the books she lent me yesterday and she continued talking to me and writing back and forth about what's in them. A GOOD SIGN! I felt much better about it after choosing to see her actions as nothing more than positive friendship building.

I talked to Mono about all this and he let me know that like everyone else in his office he quite often arranges birthday cards and gifts for people. He had done this for her as she is well liked and known to his co-workers. He thought she was returning the kindness with a birthday/retirement/christmas present of his own. He saw no motive beyond kindness between friends.

He also said that it doesn't matter what she thinks and feels, it matters more how he responds to it. I hadn't thought of it that way. I agreed entirely and will be reminding myself of that from here on in. I intend to watch his reactions rather than her actions.

Mono and I again had the discussion about his retirement and how I confuse his anxiety and pensiveness to be about her when really he is thinking about his retirement and concern about where to go next in his life. It helps me to have this conversation over and over again with him as each time I learn something more about what he is going through. He works hard at letting me know his feelings and I appreciate it. I know its hard for him to verbalize what is going on in his head, but it makes a huge difference to my connection to him and in turn, I am hoping, to his being able to process by himself without my questioning what he thinks about. Once I know something of his process I am more than willing to give him all the space he requires. I do it cheerfully and lovingly then.
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