Need advice on whether to be poly

[nondy]

Hi,

I haven't spoken directly with too many poly people. I wanted to join the conversation and possibly get advice.

I've been married for 12 years and had an open relationship for 2 1/2. We opened up when i met a man who I wanted to date. That was turmoultous and ended after a year or so. In any case, my husband met a woman a few months ago. She usually dates poly men. I do not harbor any jealousy. I am actually happy for him!

However, he desires to be full on poly and make his lover part of our household (we have two children) not to move-in but to hang out with all of us. I am not interested in doing this. I prefer to keep our love lives separate. We also (the two of us) have stopping having sex, which I am fine with (we sleep in separate rooms).

I am dating someone but not having sex because the person is in a mono relationship. I know this is breaking a code, and I feel terrible, but he''s truly unhappy in his relationship and I have a hard time connecting with people.

All this has made me think - am I truly poly? Do I need to be single so that I can form another relationship that can go "all the way?" How do I come to terms with my primaries desire to bring his secondary more into our lives? If you don't sleep with your primary is that even a poly relationship?

I love my partner dearly and don't want to lose him, but I think I'm naturally mono and just interested in house holding with him more than being in a love/sexual relationship -- but that seems to limit what relationships I have outside the primary one.