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Old 09-28-2012, 01:45 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Hello - a few points... I haven't read the entire thread yet but what strikes me is that you have chosen to join and post on a message board which is not only a site for discussion on polyamory, but also a haven for those of us who live it and practice it. Many of us have become friends here, with polyamory being how we connect with each other. Your introduction stated that you don't believe in polyamory and if it doesn't prove to align with your beliefs, you won't post much. Well, that came as a slap in the face when I read it. Then you fly off the handle when you are not welcomed in the warm way you think you deserve. Hmm. This would be like walking into a room of people who all belong to a club that gathers together on a shared and much-loved topic, and saying, "I don't believe in the thing that brings you all together and if I don't like what you're saying, I won't participate. But you should welcome my presence here!" Do you see how illogical and somewhat offensive that is?

Had you read much of this board before posting your introduction, you would also have seen that sex and sexual relationships are freely discussed here. When people come here and post about their non-monogamous situations, it is only helpful when members have more details - nothing that reveals your identity, but knowing whether or not you and your co-wives are sexual with each other paints a better picture for us if you ever ask for advice. No one really cares either way what you have going on in your life, it is simply to make better-informed responses.

I do think, now that I just took a little more time to read through some more of your posts, you may not have a very accurate picture in your mind about what polyamory is, at least for those of us who embrace it. Commitment, marriage, handfasting, some might call it semantics because many polyfolk are just as committed as spouses are, even if -- like you -- they cannot be legally so. So, the term polyamory can actually be seen as an umbrella term that covers polygamy/polygyny/polyandry, ie., how you yourself live. If you indeed do wish to learn more about polyamory, I think it would be good for you to read some more threads, the glossary, our Golden Nuggets section, etc., and post questions, if you have any, in the appropriate forum. I do appreciate your desire to learn more, but discussions here will be challenging for you if you tend to want to lecture us about or assert that what we're doing and how we're living, just because we call it polyamory, is somehow "less noble" than what you are doing and how you choose to live.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 09-28-2012 at 02:23 AM.
Old 09-28-2012, 02:54 AM
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PolygamousWU PolygamousWU is offline
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Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
Not shame on me. I wasn't rude to you. There is no need to be rude to me. I am not one of your children.

If you're not bisexual then just say so. You don't have to be paranoid and make a big deal about it.
I am not rude to my children. Maybe if you didn't act like a child, you wouldn't get treated like one...just a thought. You will also catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Don't know what else to say to you BoringGuy.
Old 09-28-2012, 02:35 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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PolygamousWU welcome to the forum. I was wondering if you would like to start a blog in the blog section so that you might write about your journey without the questions. You can also write about specific questions and comments you might have in other sections of the forum. This section is generally used to introduce yourself so if you are finding it offensive that questions are being asked of you as people want to get to know you, I suggest you stop writing on this thread and starting a new one else where on the forum with a specific topic. looking forward to reading more about your poly.
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Old 09-28-2012, 02:51 PM
BoringGuy BoringGuy is offline
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Originally Posted by PolygamousWU View Post
I am not rude to my children. Maybe if you didn't act like a child, you wouldn't get treated like one...just a thought. You will also catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Don't know what else to say to you BoringGuy.
No, YOU will catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. I wasn't trying to "catch flies", however. I asked you some very simple basic questions about your relationship and family situation, based on information you'd already provided. I did NOT ask you how many times you reach orgasm or what your favorite sexual positions are. YOU are the one who proceeded to lecture me with "Shame on you" like a parent would do to a child. You do NOT get to strut around scolding people about their manners when all they did was ask you some simple questions.
Old 09-28-2012, 03:13 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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I am excited an intro made it to 4 pages. Nifty.
Old 09-28-2012, 11:01 PM
Mont1950 Mont1950 is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
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Default Hello There

Yes I am very new here. I am learning an awful lot just reading through the threads. I am not poly but I am certainly impressed by most of the posts I see here.
Old 09-30-2012, 10:52 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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To the OP: Polyamory is a very broad term, and your characterisation of the term as love without commitment reflects one specific type of polyamory, but certainly not all types. I am one of the types that can not love without commitment, but I do not require a piece of paper in order to make and seal those commitments and promises.

Assuming that your husband loves each of you, then what you have as a group is under the umbrella of polyamory. If, however, you don't feel that the term is one that you can self-identify with, then that is most definitely your prerogative. Most of the folks on a polyamory forum, though, will put you in that group because it is such a wide-reaching umbrella term.

If your intent was to say that you don't like the non-committed types of love and sex, then that is perfectly fine, and that aspect of what you are doing will resonate with several members here.

Your civil disobedience of having multiple formal marriages is a brave one. You don't specify what part of the world you are in (and that is perfectly ok) but some countries take a very dim view of this, and will start legal proceedings and try to have children taken away if even so much as a neighbour complains. But I assume you already know this and are entering into this with eyes wide open.

I find your avatar icon to be offensive, I must admit - whether or not you are in a formal group, the sentiment expressed there is one that, because of its connotations, is deeply disturbing to me, and find it very difficult to get beyond this.

I hope that your time spent on this forum is useful to you.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Old 10-01-2012, 12:36 AM
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PolygamousWU PolygamousWU is offline
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Thanks for your welcome.
Old 10-01-2012, 11:15 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I was going to make a post similar to Ciel's. I guess I'll give it a try anyways

First, you seem to be very reluctant to be associated with polyamory. That's your right, but I'm confused. Many polyamorous people only want committed relationships, it's not always a sexual free-for-all. Although maybe, because some people are like that, you don't want to be associated with it at all?

I'm sorry that you were so shocked by the welcome. People here have many configurations, and it is often helpful and relevant to know who is in a relationship with whom. You say BoringGuy asked questions before trying to get to know you, but the way I see it, asking questions WAS getting to know you. We do talk pretty openly on these forums, and if you're not comfortable revealing something, it's fine. It just makes things more complicated later, if someone asks for advice and for instance people don't know if they're in a vee or a triad (not sure if you're familiar with the term. Both have 3 people, in a triad they're all together, in a vee one person is with the other two, and the other two aren't with one another), the advice would be different depending of the situation so it makes things harder.

I understand that it would probably have seemed less shocking to you if you had been asked if any of the wives are married to one another as well, instead of being asked for orientation. You seem to be reluctant to talk about sex much, but sex here is a common subject, people are open about it in general, including people who do not partake in casual sex.

I had the same reaction to your avatar as many people. This logo has implications that are disturbing, similar to using the crooked (nazi) cross as an avatar, for instance. It's been used to promote hatred and violence, and the idea that you found it the most representative thing to use for a first impression is a bit disturbing. I'm still not quite sure what your goal was, it seems like a very provocative thing to do.
I figure that as long as you stay civil and respectful of everyone on this board (even though, as far as you know, not a single one of us might be white), the avatar is not as much of an issue, but yes, it is unsettling.

Your relationship with your husband seems to be a D/s relationship, although I assume you're probably not comfortable being associated with BDSM either.

I'm not sure what this forum might bring to you, but I hope we'll give you a better image of polyamory, or at least show that there is a lot of variety in poly people.
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