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Old 12-14-2009, 06:38 PM
constlady constlady is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
But as we've explored the possibility of a relationship between us, I have not been presented with any boundaries put up to protect his other relationships. Each relationship stands on it's own strength and lends that strength to all of the other relationships that first relationship is attached to. The feelings that I'm developing for him are not seen as a threat by anyone else he is involved with. For the first time, I'm finding myself in a relationship with a partnered person that's allowed to grow on it's *own* merit and feelings without needing to be trimmed or cut for the sake of protecting the other relationships. It also means that he trusts me enough to know that I'll make decisions that honor all of the people and relationships in his life as they will also make decisions that honor me and my relationship with him. So there's no need to set a "rule" to make sure I do that. It's quite lovely and drama free to get to experience NRE that isn't costing anyone else anything.

The other nice side effect is that I'm finding easy friendships developing between me and his metamours that are independent of him, but also connect me to him even more.

As an unpartnered poly person, it is generally harder to find relationships that do not have pre-set prescribed limits that have nothing to do with me. I find that when I have to enter into a relationship that's already full of such rules, it usually means that there isn't a whole lot of trust and that puts me in a very insecure position to begin with.

It's lovely to know that this doesn't have to be the case.

Oh yes! I could nearly have written this myself!

I am so blessed that all of the members of this amazing polyfamily I wandered into feel that allowing relationships to grow organically, with trust in the love between each member, is the healthiest way to relate.

And I agree whole-heartedly with the nice side effect that has of helping to forge greater bonds between all the members as well. Perhaps because right from the start, I knew that my presence was accepted and welcomed without qualification. Feeling respected and included early on made for fertile ground for deepening friendships. It doesn't hurt that we're rather alike in many ways as well
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boundaries, communication, contracts, prescriptions, primary, restrictions, rules, secondary, third partner, thirds, veto, veto power

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