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  #321  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:10 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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First-thank you everyone for replying.
My frustrated emotion-was the timing of the text, not the content. The content (as noted repeatedly) is nothing new. Everytime ANYTHING in his life isn't going exactly as he wants it to-he has issues with my relationship with GG. Shrug. Mostly-I ignore it.
But, that he sent me that-after giving me the info about the other woman was annoying AND that he then pointed out that he had ALREADY told her about his frustration with my blog post (thus again complaining about me to her-even though the fall out from him doing that before has YET to be addressed).
It pisses me off that he lumps multiple difficult topics into one space of time, its VERY annoying.

As for the blog-the point behind why I named the post MY BOYFRIEND, was to let him know it was about MY BOYFRIEND which he doesn't like to read about. But, he chose to read it ANYWAY-even though he (admitted today) KNEW he shouldn't. So, he did it to himself. It IS my blog and it is my POLY blog-so it stands to reason, I'm going to talk about BOTH of my relationships. He doesn't have to read it all if he can't handle it.

On the other hand-he's a grown up-3 fucking years this week. Seriously, its long past time that he figure out that GG is a significant and meaningful part of our family who has earned his position in our family.
Sigh.
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  #322  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
It reads to me like you are seriously angry at Maca and are transferring that anger to her.
Also, yeah, don't tar the Muppets with this! I know GG uses that term but I love the Muppets and would not mind being in a Muppets situation at all!

Maybe Fraggle Rock? Avenue Q? Real Housewives?
I'm furious with both of them. Mostly (at this point) for dragging this shit out over SO MANY FUCKING MONTHS. Not once (and I've been asking since the first week of January) has she agreed to sit down with both of us to discuss OUR boundaries. HE continues to talk to her.
In my personal world-that is BULLSHIT on both of their parts.
I didn't have time to write out my WHOLE thought process last night-but believe me, I am definitely addressing my anger towards him-to him. I can't address my anger to her (except here) because she fucking won't allow me to have her email, phone number or mailing address. So, I have no way of contacting her directly. (which is ANOTHER of my bitches regarding her).

BUT-yes, in the heat of the moment-it all just mixes into one ball of fury and like gala girl said-I needed to go take some time for me, because I just couldn't even deal with any of it-much less piece it all out one at a time.

As for Muppets-I like them too. But, I also get her point, which is that they function like spoiled children much of the time, and while it's hilarious on tv-it's NOT hilarious when people behave that way in relationships. It's a royal pain in the ass.
As I tell my kids, just because a (pick a child 3-5 year younger than them) does that and its cute-does NOT mean its cute when someone your age does it-because by the time you reach your age, you should know better.
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  #323  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:20 PM
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
I see two totally separate issues.
1. Maca has issues hearing about your sex life with GG and ALWAYS has
2. You have issues with Maca's interest in the 20's something twit.

I think your issues with the 20 something are escalating things, that would be an issue in any case. Personally, I see nothing wrong with his text. As soon as I read the blog post, I was wondering how Maca would deal with reading that much detail. I give him kudos for recognizing that this is setting him off, giving you a heads up and realizing this is his to work through. I would have a discussion with him and ask if next time he wants a heads up to avoid that post or not, or together you can come up with a code or something where he can decide to read or avoid based on his mood at the time.

I personally can deal much better with emotional triggers, if I have some warning. I have sent similar texts (about other issues), and then been able to have a rational discussion about it later. Being able to express these triggers without fear of a massive explosion, is extremely helpful. It also helps me work through things and it doesn't bother me so much the next time. Sometimes, it is the tiny small things that we can do differently that can make all the difference in the world.

Not going to address the issues with the 20 something gf. "If you can't say anything nice..." Eventually, the blinders will come off, just stand your ground in the meantime.
I agree, the text itself wasn't a big deal-that he chose to read the blog even though he DID have warning and new what it was about-that's on him.
But, I don't mind him sending me those types of texts per se-I DO however have an issue with the fact that he tells me shit that he knows is going to trigger me-and then pulls the 'I'm too emotional because of something else' card. DON"T FUCKING BRING UP TRIGGER TOPICS IF YOU ARE ALREADY NOT OK. That's NOT reasonable communication behavior. That is intentionally manipulative and destructive behavior.

One issue at a time, if you want to talk about HER-then we discuss her and if you want to discuss HIM then we discuss him. But, don't bring up her and then tell me that we aren't discussing it because you are feeling triggered by the topic of HIM.

ANNOYING.
And-of course-it only results in neither of us getting shit for sleep-and spending the following day (today) arguing through it all anyway. UGH UGH U GH UGH .
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  #324  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:20 PM
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
You (and we) know he has had problems with your relationship with GG all these years, and it has always puzzled me especially given what a stand-up guy and treasured member of the family GG has been for so long. This seems like a cycle Maca insists on perpetuating. Every time you think you're making progress and moving forward - Maca has to take two steps back and freak out. At some point, he has to stop indulging in that shit. I don't think there's anything you can do except for being your usual no-bullshit ethical self. You've got enough years' experience to rely on your intuition and common sense where he is concerned. But if Maca is to get anywhere, like out of the hole he creates for himself time and time again, he needs to pull himself out. Not drag you down with him.
Sigh. Yep. I know. But, thanks for repeating it.
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  #325  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:23 PM
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
I agree with SN, while it sucks that Maca still has such a strong negative reaction to hearing about you and GG, that text actually seemed like a very mature way of letting you know what to expect from him while taking complete responsibility for his own feelings. That's exactly what I would want from my own partner.
I agree it was a mature way to handle his feelings.
But, making plans with someone who hasn't done the dirt work to resolve the issues created by them and him in order to HAVE THE RIGHT to go hang out-was not and that was the first thing he did.
THEN when he had to tell me he did that-he gives me this text as an "out" for why he wasn't up to discussing it.
Not cool.
What he wrote-was fine.
But-his method and order of operations was totally fucked up.

Interestingly-they have that in common.
She SAYS all of the right things-very well actually. Extremely well versed on what to say.
But, her actions COMPLETELY contradict her words and THAT is beyond frustrating at this late date.
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  #326  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:28 PM
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And then there is today.

They've been talking all day-we've been talking all day (all via text).

I don't even know where it stands at this point.

She told him she thought everything was fine, based upon something he told her I said-which never should have been said to her, because it was personal between us.

Now he tells her, well no not really, you still need to resolve things with LR and of course that sets her off.
Ironically-the whole thing is stupid-because
SHE is the one who wanted the WHOLE FAMILIES to be friends-but
SHE is the one who is avoiding even TALKING TO ME (or anyone but Maca).
How the fuck is THAT supposed to work?
Obviously, it hasn't worked for 9 months because IT ISN'T GOING TO FUCKING WORK. (rolling my eyes).

I KNOW a large part of the issue is his less than stellar communication skills.
But DAMN-how long can you drag it out before you say "look fuck this, I need to talk to your wife cause this shit isn't making sense?"
I mean really-ESPECIALLY when said wife is CONTINUOUSLY requesting to talk to YOU?

I really just don't even want to fucking deal with poly anymore-because I am so tired of dealing with STUPID and UNNECESSARY DRAMA.

Even GG commented today that he feels like he should just cut his losses for my benefit-because he loves me and it hurts him to watch Maca use him against me-and continue these asinine behaviors which destroy the family.

Fuck.
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  #327  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:28 PM
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Ohhh. Dang, yeah, that all puts things in more context. So lame. I guess you can force him to make a choice here or you can just determine to ignore their relationship as completely as possible.
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  #328  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:30 PM
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Annabelle-
yeah, I know. I have to decide which route to go. I know I didn't give enough detail to make much sense in MOST of what I wrote this week. Because I've got too much going on and I keep popping in, venting and then running off to deal with the next issue.

But-I do appreciate the feedback from everyone-it really does help me to keep perspective on a lot of it and to consider other avenues and options too.
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  #329  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:31 PM
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Wouldn't it be so much easier if I could just find some perfect woman, who was intelligent, thoughtful, conscientious and had like-minded goals, expectations etc for him.

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  #330  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:44 PM
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I have a headache from trying to follow this.
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