how do I delete my account?

[Pliglet]

Actually, i'll admit, upon learning that i only have 12 hours to edit my posts, i'll stop posting my blog on here.
Guess i'm used to forums that at least understand that stalkers happen. i've had an ex"friend" find me on a parenting forum and try to have me fired due to the fact that what i stated (as a parent) overlapped with what could have been seen as a professional capacity.

So yeah, i like the ability to come back later and delete my (personal) blog posts etc. *shrug* guess i need to accept that i didn't read the guidelines well enough, but i''ll probably stop posting as much now.

[BoringGuy]

I may be mistaken, but i think the guidelines for the Blogs section are more flexible than the other sections of the forum. I'm not sure about the edit-window, but i know that if someone else posts something in your blog that you don't like, the moderators will delete it if you ask them to. Perhaps the same thing applies to your own posts in your own blog.

Would the moderators please address this issue in this thread right here?

[MusicalRose]

I also think that if personal safety were at risk, the moderators would probably not hesitate to remove information at your request. I think the purpose of that is not to completely destroy discussions by one person who is having a hissy fit deleting all their posts in a fit of rage.

[BoringGuy]

Originally Posted by MusicalRose

I also think that if personal safety were at risk, the moderators would probably not hesitate to remove information at your request. I think the purpose of that is not to completely destroy discussions by one person who is having a hissy fit deleting all their posts in a fit of rage.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand why anyone would post detailed personal information on a public message board and then expect that it be the job of the site to preserve their privacy at their whim. It's not as if someone stole their information and then posted it against their will. We are all adults and we have the choice of what to post or what not to post. Just because some people don't make intelligent choices doesn't mean it's everyone else's responsibility to protect them from themselves.

[MusicalRose]

With something like polyamory, which has no legal protection in many states/countries from discrimination in regard to housing or employment or custody of children, I think it is probably reasonable to ask that some things be deleted in an event like Pliglet is talking about.

Someone stalking and using posts on a website to try to hurt someone in a poly relationship by showing this information to employers or lawyers is kind of above and beyond what someone can normally expect on a message board. Yes it is bad to post your name and address and telephone number to make sure that kind of private information doesn't go out public, but in order to prevent someone who knows you from finding out who you are, you might have to strike out quite a bit of the kind of personal detail we usually ask for and need to give good advice. This includes things like the sex, gender, number, and ages of partners, the fact that kids are there or not and if there is a divorce situation with them, and sometimes even generic information like what state you live in.

These aren't things I would reasonably withhold from posting here usually, but if, for instance, my in laws found out and my future husband and I had kids together and they wanted to use my posts on this website against us in trying to declare us unfit parents, it probably wouldn't be too difficult if they really wanted to try. If I found out they were doing something like that, I might want some of my posts removed in order to protect my children from them, even though I've posted nothing unreasonable.

I guess what I am saying is that in an extreme stalking situation, it isn't the fault of the poster who posts reasonable levels of personal information if someone is maliciously trying to hurt them through a legal system that does not understand or support our way of life. In many states, at-will employment means that they don't even need cold hard proof to fire you for anything. They can just have a suspicion that "you aren't a good fit there."

In most cases, yes, I think that people should be responsible for what they post, but in cases where peoples lives are at stake and they haven't really done anything wrong, I would feel that it would be rather callous and cruel to just sit back, throw your hands up, and go "Welp, you posted it" when you are fully capable of removing some of the material to help them out of their situation.

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by MusicalRose

I guess what I am saying is that in an extreme stalking situation, it isn't the fault of the poster who posts reasonable levels of personal information if someone is maliciously trying to hurt them through a legal system that does not understand or support our way of life.

Of course a stalker is responsible for their own actions, but every poster is responsible for protecting themselves. No member should just think that posting personal details about themselves isn't taking a huge chance to reveal themselves to people whom they would be better off not knowing anything about them, for whatever reason. Why invite trouble when you can just as easily write about your personal life and poly situation anonymously? It's just plain silly and ignorant to think one can put details out there and think doing so is not risky.

Originally Posted by MusicalRose

In most cases, yes, I think that people should be responsible for what they post, but in cases where peoples lives are at stake and they haven't really done anything wrong, I would feel that it would be rather callous and cruel to just sit back, throw your hands up, and go "Welp, you posted it" when you are fully capable of removing some of the material to help them out of their situation.

If a person wants to post about a situation in their lives which could have negative repercussions, should an employer or someone they know read about it, then the onus is on the poster to be careful with how they proceed.

Use aliases.
Speak in general terms.
Do not name names, places, companies, etc.
If you upload pictures of yourself in your profile, make your albums private and accessible only to those contacts/friends you approve.

This board is searchable by Google and other search engines - it is not a private board. Each person is solely responsible for what they write, but after 12 hours, it is communal property, so to speak, so choose your words wisely. It is still very possible to get specific help on sensitive situations by masking details or sending Private Messages to members here whom you trust. There is a huge amount of PM'ing that goes on behind the scenes here. But to get indignant about the guidelines or how the board is moderated is pointless.

[redpepper]

I think I speak for all the mods here when I say that we have been known to remove or change posts after the 12 hours is up. We don't like doing it and get grumpy about it, but we aren't unreasonable.

If someone posts something personal that is directly naming or indicating a place and person etc (nycindie's list was thorough on this) and didn't know they couldn't change it or hadn't thought it was public, or didn't think people would read it or whatever, then we can still change it for you.

Besides; we don't really want to invite stalkers who want to make MORE work for us. If we see that more work will come out of us NOT changing a post, chances are we will change it to avoid work down the road. Please though, take care of yourselves as its super fucking annoying to spend our time changing your mistakes and uh ohs. Really, really it is. (Unless you are going to give us money, send chocolates, buy us a car...cause then we will change anything you want of your posts then, )

It is the members responsibility to keep their annonymit, not ours. I don't see that as unreasonable. Our job description does not include taking care of peoples privacy. That's your job description.

Really though, in all the years I have been here there is very few situations and stories that are unique. If someone came here to dig up dirt we could match them with many stories that are similar. It just wouldn't hold ground in court or anywhere else to take a post with a false name on it, no place names and a story that doesn't give any indication the details of particular people.

I think that most of the time people become fearful and don't think rationally. Too bad really becausae they miss out on a great resource here just because they get paranoid. Its like safe sex. Do everything you can think of to stay safe, think about every move you make, watch others and what they say and do, get used to that safety and when you feel comfortable with the boundaries you've created for yourself, tried it all on for size, then have at er! Rely on your instinct and if you have an "oops" let us know and we will help out if we can. Just don't make us the barer of your "oops." It nothing to do with us that you fucked up.

[BoringGuy]

Many such requests to delete posts and profiles are not because of stalkers and "uh oh's". they are from folks who have decided they didn't get the kind of free advice here that enables their dysfunctional behaviour or supports their co-dependency, they get all butt-hurt and flouncy, and they want their denial sustained by getting the moderators to delete all the evidence that they made asses out of themselves.

[Emm]

Often they also expect the forum as a whole to apologise, grovel, and promise never to do it again if only they would change their mind about leaving and continue to grace it with their presence. They also want everyone who was mean to them tracked down and banned. If they silently stop visiting the forum that's not going to happen so they need to make a production of it.

Another messageboard of which I am a member has a zero-tolerance policy for "I'm leaving" posts. They're deleted and the user is immediately banned. If they change their mind and re-register the sock puppet is also banned. It makes for a much less drama-filled place to hang out.

[SkylerSquirrel]

Really though, in all the years I have been here there is very few situations and stories that are unique. If someone came here to dig up dirt we could match them with many stories that are similar. It just wouldn't hold ground in court or anywhere else to take a post with a false name on it, no place names and a story that doesn't give any indication the details of particular people.

This is very reassuring. I was starting to be concerned, because I am one of those people with custody issues to worry about.

Hypothetically speaking, though, might a mod agree to delete a whole blog thread in one fell swoop? It seems like that would only take a couple clicks, and since it's a blog thread, it's not as important to preserve as perhaps some of the more conversation-oriented threads would be.

At least, would it be possible in the unlikely event that someone DID find a way to maliciously use the blog thread against the person IRL?