I'm so glad you're looking into options. I want to assure you this is all very doable. My ex-husband has made 24 hour flights several times, with several very young children, by himself. I've made a number of 30 hour drives, by myself, with a bunch of kids. You can do this.
It seems to me that there are a lot of problems in this relationship--you being kept in the dark about finances is a huge red flag. You have no access to any money? Another huge red flag. I could list more. But you are once again worried that he is going to feel bad. At what point has he shown any concern for how his actions and control are making you feel?