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  #31  
Old 09-26-2012, 02:10 AM
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Thanks.
I'm really trying to take Galagirls example and put it to good use.
I've written out a lot of my own thoughts/needs and limits in my diary and shared much of it with him. He's getting a heavy dose of "wow, that's who my wife is" I think. But, its been good.

Now, it's just a matter of upholding those limits. It does help (a lot) when he's backing me up. I hope he sticks to that. It's hard when he's upset with me over my limits and the two of them gang up on me. Especially when I'm trying to hard to be clear with myself about where *I* end and where *HE* begins, and keep my boundaries and limits about me.
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  #32  
Old 09-26-2012, 03:48 AM
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Good for you!

That's disgusting if they gang up on you, seriously. Not nice at all. Your limits are your limits, nothing more, nothing less.

I'd being telling him to suck it up buttercup (aka deal with it, lol)
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  #33  
Old 09-26-2012, 05:43 AM
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I very much felt I was being ganged up on before. He appears to have surpassed the nre stage and is being much more his normal
Self. So hopefully it wont happen again. It didnt go well the first time, i flew off the handle.
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  #34  
Old 09-26-2012, 06:05 AM
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Oh good, sounds much better
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  #35  
Old 10-09-2012, 08:51 PM
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I figured I should update. I realized I posted in my blog thread-but not here. However, there are limits on what we're supposed to write in other people's blogs. I want everyone's authentic two cents. So I figured it was best to copy-paste it here in case anyone felt they wanted to say something but thought it might not be appropriate over there.
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  #36  
Old 10-09-2012, 08:53 PM
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Default 9/27

With no agreement to meet or talk with me continuing to be the circumstance,

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I think there is something wrong with me. I read your post today and my heart started pounding in my ears so loud, I thought it was going to explode. It's not like I don't know that you have sex with him, but it just fucks me up to read or hear about it. I feel like a hypocrit. And I hate it. I don't want to make a big deal out of this, I don't even think I want to talk about it. I just wanted you to know, incase I act...out of sorts. It's not you, and I'm just trying to work through it.
That was the text I got tonight as a result of writing about GG in my poly blog today.

This, only a couple hours after telling me he would like to go to the now 25 yo's derby event next month.

Chick who has a conflict with me that started with her telling me he has no issues with poly any more and I am the one who needs to let go of all of the unnecessary boundary restrictions because he doesn't need them, and I'm just being vindictively possessive so he can't be with her. Uh huh.

Right. Same chick who thinks that she knows him so much better than I do and that I just don't understand how much he has changed that he totally understands and accepts my relationship with GG and that he just wants and needs me to give him the opportunity to build the same type of relationship. (as if i am stopping him).
Same chick who refuses to sit down with me face to face and resolve the conflict between us which escalated with her tash talking of me, and instead has convinced him to sweep it all under the carpet and they can go on with their little social life together and pretend nothing happened and that I dont exist.

To say my blood is boiling would be putting it mildly. I'm seething. Grow the fuck up! Oh my lord. Venomous fury.

What the fuck is so hard to understand about taking time to develop at least a friendly, respectful metamour relationship? What the fuck is so hard to understand About clear and direct communication with metamours is NECESSARY to ensure a safe trip thru their fucking airspace?

She is a self righteous, self centered bitch.
He is a fucking moron.
I am fucking caught in a game of Muppet bullshit and I cant get calm enough to find the fucking appropriate exit.
God DAMN IT.

I texted back that he should forward the message to her. Let her rationalize out what the fuck I am supposed to do with it.
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  #37  
Old 10-09-2012, 08:54 PM
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There were several pages of good advice in my blog regarding that one. Feel free to go read through there if interested:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...t=6352&page=32
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  #38  
Old 10-09-2012, 08:57 PM
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Default 9/28 Clarification of my frustrations with Maca and her

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I'm furious with both of them. Mostly (at this point) for dragging this shit out over SO MANY FUCKING MONTHS. Not once (and I've been asking since the first week of January) has she agreed to sit down with both of us to discuss OUR boundaries. HE continues to talk to her.
In my personal world-that is BULLSHIT on both of their parts.
I didn't have time to write out my WHOLE thought process last night-but believe me, I am definitely addressing my anger towards him-to him. I can't address my anger to her (except here) because she fucking won't allow me to have her email, phone number or mailing address. So, I have no way of contacting her directly. (which is ANOTHER of my bitches regarding her).

BUT-yes, in the heat of the moment-it all just mixes into one ball of fury and like gala girl said-I needed to go take some time for me, because I just couldn't even deal with any of it-much less piece it all out one at a time.

As for Muppets-I like them too. But, I also get her point, which is that they function like spoiled children much of the time, and while it's hilarious on tv-it's NOT hilarious when people behave that way in relationships. It's a royal pain in the ass.
As I tell my kids, just because a (pick a child 3-5 year younger than them) does that and its cute-does NOT mean its cute when someone your age does it-because by the time you reach your age, you should know better.
This remains an ongoing issue-as she continues to contact him and he contacts her and there remains no agreement on her part to meet with me.
They are texting back and forth-he's an emotional basketcase over the conversations with her to the point that he isn't spending any time with the family.
So, the continued contact, without forward progress is taking a huge toll on everyone else in the household.
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  #39  
Old 10-09-2012, 08:59 PM
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Default 9/28 update upon what she wants and where things are

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They've been talking all day-we've been talking all day (all via text).

I don't even know where it stands at this point.

She told him she thought everything was fine, based upon something he told her I said-which never should have been said to her, because it was personal between us.

Now he tells her, well no not really, you still need to resolve things with LR and of course that sets her off.
Ironically-the whole thing is stupid-because
SHE is the one who wanted the WHOLE FAMILIES to be friends-but
SHE is the one who is avoiding even TALKING TO ME (or anyone but Maca).
How the fuck is THAT supposed to work?
Obviously, it hasn't worked for 9 months because IT ISN'T GOING TO FUCKING WORK. (rolling my eyes).

I KNOW a large part of the issue is his less than stellar communication skills.
But DAMN-how long can you drag it out before you say "look fuck this, I need to talk to your wife cause this shit isn't making sense?"
I mean really-ESPECIALLY when said wife is CONTINUOUSLY requesting to talk to YOU?
Ongoing "avoidy" and ongoing failure to address any tier of the poly-math but their own.
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  #40  
Old 10-09-2012, 09:01 PM
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Default 9/30-a weekend of drama, he "just wants someone"

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It's been a frightfullly long and frustrating weekend. I don't know what he understands or what he doesn't. I'm flat exhausted from trying. I feel much the same as I did after my surgeries, except instead of it being purely physical exhuastion from my body needing to heal, it's emotional and psychological exhaustion.

I did try to institute the no talking about me rule. It hasn't gone well. I don't know.

He told me today that the reason he wants someone "so bad" is because "I don't want to be alone". I stopped talking because there is nothing good I can say in reply to that.
If I were a "potential" and I found that out-he'd be off of my list of possible dates immediately. I'd be so damn offended his head would spin with my exit. I feel much the same even though it's not me he's chasing.
I can't find appropriate words to explain my reaction of complete and utter disgust-so I haven't tried to say a word about it.

It's disturbing to think about because it takes me all the way back 15 years, to when our relationship started, wondering if that's the reason he hooked up with me? Sure, NOW I've "earned my keep" so to speak and we have all sorts of combined responsibilities. But, was the key first reason just so he wouldn't be alone?
I'm not sure I want to follow that train of thought, because frankly, it makes my stomach churn considering the possibility of being used just to fill the empty space in someone's life. Fucking disgusts me.
I continue to find the whole ideology of JUST wanting someone *anyone* vs finding *that special* someone that fits-disturbing.
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