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Old 09-25-2012, 08:46 PM
AggieSez AggieSez is offline
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 46
Default Solo, poly, and dating: What's it like for you?

Hi, folks

New to this forum, but I've been poly for well over a decade. I'm a single woman in midlife, a successful independent professional who enjoys my autonomy, and I don't have (and am not seeking) a "primary" life partner.

The confluence of these characteristics seems to make me kind of an odd fit in the poly community and the dating world. I'd like to be dating, since my last long-term relationship (with a married poly man, 3+ years) broke up suddenly and unexpectedly a couple of months ago not long after I moved to another state. We'd originally intended to continue in a long-distance relationship -- but that's not happening now, and I've moved on emotionally after mourning that loss.

I've been going to local poly meetups and events, have lots of friends in the poly community, and I've been active on OK Cupid. But I haven't really found anyone I'd like to date where the interest is mutual. So far. But I'm not obsessing over it. Anyway I have a full life, busy career, lots of friends, and lots of fun things to do. I figure the dating will happen in time, and I'll continue to put myself out there and be open to what life brings.

Still, the dearth of men (I'm primarily straight) who seem interested in contacting me or dating me makes me wonder: What's the issue?

Is it that I'm in my mid 40s? That I'm not looking to jump on the "relationship escalator" -- but neither am I interested in purely casual hookups with little or no personal connection? Or that I'm not particularly kinky (although I'm very sex positive)?

Might my unpartnered status make me appear somehow suspect or threatening to poly people who are already coupled up?

I'd love to hear from other solo (unpartnered) poly people (especially other mid-life women) about what the dating landscape is like for them, and how they get perceived, approached (or not), or treated by potential partners.

And if you're a partnered poly person who dates straight women (or if your partner dates straight women), how do you view and deal with unpartnered poly women? What are your assumptions, questions, concerns, and experiences?

Trying to assemble a broader context to understand my own experiences better and to spot options.


- Aggie
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