Opening started two or three months after I moved here, shortly before I got pregnant, or at least before we knew. There wasn't really any opening. there was, we were (I assume, having asked him on multiple occasions while we were dating and living apart if we were exclusive) closed, and then we were not. I think Opening implies a process. We didn't really have that.
PPD could be playing a part in it, but who knows? I've had some of the symptoms off and on. It's hard to say what could be PPD triggered in part by stress, or stress from PPD.
Kid is just turning 5 months.
He's not expecting me to just do it on my own, but he can't be giving me constant reassurance either, and sometimes I need more than he is comfortable with. He thinks it starts to sound contrived.
Poor communication is a major issue.
I don't think he's willing to start over and go into this slowly, so it seems like a lost cause, or a lot of discomfort on both of our sides for a long time to get to a better place.
He already says he sees me being bitter towards him, so I don't know what else to do.
I don't know if this is salvageable. I desire more absolutes and structure than he is willing to provide or deal with.
When I discuss boundary agreements with him, he says he'll try, but will make no promises.
He won't promise me a night between dates to reconnect; he'll try.
He won't promise to schedule and let me know about dates at least a day ahead of time; he'll try.
He's usually good about these things, but he's ignored both of them at least once.
I also may have some trust issues with him due to a lie and a lie of omission regarding some girls he was seeing. I know in your world that's a 1-strike kind of thing. These were fairly complicated circumstances, at least with the latter, so I've given him a little slack with it. Forgiven, not forgotten kind of thing.
I'm feeling calmer now, and thus less likely to dwell on leaving, but I think perhaps I should. If he thinks I'm not making any progress and my pace is too slow and all I do is wallow in self pity, then I don't think there's much changing his mind. I can't control my emotions, I can only work on this so fast. I'd gladly buy a switch to turn off the upset, but unfortunately, it doesn't exist. It's a day by day process of reassuring myself and examining why something bothers me (which is incredibly difficult for me) and telling myself why it shouldn't.
As I said before, I see couples on here with a mono partner that has taken years to achieve acceptance of their partner's polyamory. I guess he's not able to wait that long.
Last edited by Invi; 09-25-2012 at 07:47 AM. Reason: retracting details, PM if you feel you need to know.
|dating issues, mono / poly|