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Old 09-21-2012, 07:40 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by BlazenBurn View Post
SO really believes in integration so a lot of time it's the three of us doing something, like going to dinner. She gets one night alone with him a week and I do too. Otherwise she says it's not fair. If I want to see SO, I have to see her too.
And what's that about? if you don't want to hang with her, you shouldn't have to. Polite respect among metamours is enough, you don't all have to be friends and hang out. It doesn't sound like you really want to do that, but you go along with it just to see him, because that's the way he wants things.

I gotta say, your SO sounds like a dictator, and he's got both you and your metamour wrapped around his little finger. How about knowing your own mind, and standing up for what you really want? Wouldn't you rather be with someone who is kind to the ones he loves instead of requiring a group dynamic among people who don't get along, and belittling and trying to change them to meet some sort of distorted standard?
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Old 09-24-2012, 01:31 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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I agree that this whole arrangement smells fishy.

I learned a long time ago that "fair" doesn't mean "equal." Different people have different needs and different capabilities.

For example, suppose one girlfriend gets really busy with work for a couple weeks and can't make time to see him. Is the other girlfriend not allowed to see SO until the one girlfriend has more free time? Who does that serve?

I can understand what he's going for, trying to make sure no one feels left out or discarded. But in real life, it's just not practical or even desirable to see every person for the exact same amount of time.

I guess it's his choice to make, if he wants to set it up that way and refuse to see certain people unless it works into his little plan. But that is someone I would definitely avoid.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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