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  #11  
Old 05-30-2009, 09:03 PM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Originally Posted by Mark1npt View Post
I've had the same thoughts...hate the secondary label. We are not out to anybody yet, but have discussed in house how we would handle it. No decisions made yet. We are also in the process of discussing some sort of ring ceremony between the 3 of us. I guess I could use the "loves" label or introduce people to my "wives" but that wouldn't sound right legally. Are they "co-wives"?.....lovers? (yes)....best friends? (yes).....what to do? Since my wife isn't bi and it's me with two women, I need to find the right designation. I guess we could all just walk in and hold up our matching rings when someone asked, huh?
Personally, I consider the relationship "tribal." They are your people, your community, or the co-inhabitants of your tipi; your family. I don't know that the naming conventions are necessary or adequate. I dislike buzzwords, and believe that the descriptions place us in the box that we would like people to be thinking outside of. Roommates is probably the best one, so that nobody gets confused and tries to push a "common law" marriage into place. That could have serious legal implications. I like the idea of forming a "mutual benefit" corporation. Many states have laws to form one. You are together for mutual benefit and protection.
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  #12  
Old 05-30-2009, 09:07 PM
TankDiveGirl TankDiveGirl is offline
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Originally Posted by alphafour View Post
So far, I call them:

Missing in Action.

Not many women want to be polyamorous. I suppose I need to find a bi girl, but so many of them are just lying lesbians who fake like they have alternate sexualities. I have recieved so many antagonistic responses from so-called bi women, I just can't believe that they ever intend to be with a man.
I'm sorry to hear this... I am, quite honestly, bisexual. My "primary" partner is another woman, my wife, who is a lesbian. My "secondary" partner is a man, my boyfriend, who is a straight man. The three of us HAVE messed around together, but it's not the basis of this relationship. This relationship is a Vee with me in the middle and L and S as the arms.

I hope that you find what you're looking for, because i know that we bisexual women are out there and willing to do this.

Good luck,
J
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  #13  
Old 05-30-2009, 11:17 PM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Originally Posted by TankDiveGirl View Post
I'm sorry to hear this... I am, quite honestly, bisexual. My "primary" partner is another woman, my wife, who is a lesbian. My "secondary" partner is a man, my boyfriend, who is a straight man. The three of us HAVE messed around together, but it's not the basis of this relationship. This relationship is a Vee with me in the middle and L and S as the arms.

I hope that you find what you're looking for, because i know that we bisexual women are out there and willing to do this.

Good luck,
J
Nice to meet you. It could be that the other ladies were quite interested in men, just not me. I have had enough of those from the hetero genre of female
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  #14  
Old 06-01-2009, 12:26 PM
vampiresscammy vampiresscammy is offline
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I like the tribal ideology, it sounds very wonderful, just lots of folks sharing love, helping to take care of each other and the little ones running around, sounds very nice, wonder how the reality lives up to it though............ ever curious

I second that the bi ladies are out and about, perhaps you simply havent met the ones for you yet, I'm sorry to all those hurt in love and that there is so many folks out there playing games and not being honest in what hey want, for me personally, yes I'm bi, I'm simply not over the loss of my ladylove to allow another woman close to me, as the men, well, seems I fall for the ones least interested in me out of the group every time, I feel your pain Alpha, if only we could chose whom we fell for, silly hearts, sigh
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  #15  
Old 06-01-2009, 12:40 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Thanks for the input.....Yes, the tribal thing got quite the chuckle out of the girls yesterday. We all do live under the same "tepee" after all.....not sure that I like the sound of it though. It sounds kinda "out there"....(like the poly lifestyle isn't, huh?), I think maybe it would get quite a few odd stares from our friends, whereas if we just talked about my loves or "my girls" it would only come off as half as weird.....who knows.

As for you ladies, please keep looking....there are others out there for you...this is a great big world and most of us barely scratch the surface before we have to leave......
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  #16  
Old 06-01-2009, 06:38 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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This question just came up for us yesterday. I like the idea of "tribe" or "clan" for the group, though "pack" might apply to my quad in particular. My other husband and wife apparently refer to us as puppies as a group.

I usually call them my other husband and my wife. Sometimes I call him my Sunday husband because during the last Renaissance Festival he and I wandered around taking care of the kids while his wife and my husband worked, and our kids started calling us Sunday mommy and Sunday daddy. Sometimes I call them my partners. I won't call her my sister wife, because I'm intimate with her and it's just creepy. If I'm not out to someone, I just refer to them as our dearest friends, best friends, closest friends, etc.

I admit I'd like some better names. Since we're married couples with children, we've all agreed that our marriages must be our primary concern, but I don't like the implication that they aren't as important to me when I say "primary" and "secondary".
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  #17  
Old 06-01-2009, 07:08 PM
Mark1npt Mark1npt is offline
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Secondary just won't cut it......am seriously thinking of just referring to them as "my girls".......I think early on my wife, as the senior of the two partners, would have taken offense to this term, but I think she is adapting quite well to our threesome and seeing the enjoyinment we all have in it. Clan and tribe just sound so ancient or woodsy.....just my opinion for what it's worth, but in some parts of the country or Canada, woodsy may be where it's at!
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  #18  
Old 06-03-2009, 02:04 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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I've used "girlfriend" in the past, though it seems so inadequate. I considered "mistress" and discarded that due to the negative connotations. The "primary/secondary" sort of accounting, while it may be accurate in some degree, feels too sterile to be of much use.

Some friends of ours had a MFF triad. Two of them married and they referred to the third as their "fiance." While I appreciate the thinking behind that, it just doesn't work for me.

Just calling them all "lovers" doesn't resonate with me, either, so I'd love to find a better term. I suspect we're going to have to plunder other languages and coin yet more words to describe our entanglements best.
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  #19  
Old 06-03-2009, 02:26 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Oooh...just did some word searching.

"Betrothed," while accurate, is most commonly associated engagement/marriage. The other definitions get lost by the wayside, so it prolly won't work well.

"Plighted," while also accurate, is also torpedoed by the most commonly used meaning, so the intended meaning would get lost.

Now, "paramour" and "inamorata/inamorato" are accurate and widely understood (by those familiar with the words) in the fashion desired. They also sound much better (at least to me) than "girlfriend/boyfriend"--avoiding the negative connotations (in US culture, anyway) of "mistress" or "lover" (both of which have connotations of illicit affairs).

Plus, there's no need to coin new terms. Works for me. Work for anybody else?
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  #20  
Old 06-05-2009, 05:27 PM
alphafour alphafour is offline
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Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
Now, "paramour" and "inamorata/inamorato" are accurate and widely understood (by those familiar with the words) in the fashion desired. ?
I like paramour. I love the band, even if they spell it wrong.
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