Checking out others while out with a SO

[CielDuMatin]

I think it's one of those "there's an appropriate time and place" things.

If I am in a deep conversation, with lots of eye contact, then being distracted by some attractive person walking by would be highly disrespectful.

Both of my partners and I have turned it into a game - kind of like mutually enjoying a nice view. In the same way that, while out for a walk, we might talk about a nice view of a lake, or a pretty tree, we will talk about a good-looking person that we see too. The point is that it is no more threatening than looking at a nice tree - we know that neither of us are going to start chatting up that person or do anything beyond enjoying a thing of beauty.

[Arrowbound]

Originally Posted by turtleHeart

To me, watching/appreciating people is part of enjoying one's surroundings. Asking someone not to do so would be similar to expecting them to not enjoy the wind in their hair or the smell of food coming from the kitchen when you're talking to them.

Love! Will relay to my girl-friend who sees red over stuff like this.

[Anneintherain]

I'm pretty sure that other thread wasn't too long ago, though I remember who it was by and it's been awhile since they posted so maybe its longer than I thought.

I didn't answer on that thread but I will here - I would find it annoying to have somebody obviously stare or appear distracted by somebody else to a noticeable amount when I'm on a date or out and about with them one on one, but I don't mind a "hey I think that person is attractive" from established partners. I'm less comfortable with that sort of behavior during the "we are still getting to know each other and getting comfortable" phase with somebody new. If I find a guy sexy, it's about 1.5 second's worth of look to appreciate whatever I like. A female, 2 seconds. If they are seated within my sight line, I may glance more than once, but if they are walking by, I certainly wouldn't follow them with my eyes as they walked by. If I can appreciate and lust that quickly, I don't see why the rest of the human population can't too!

A party, kink event, or something where it's about meeting and mingling, I feel differently because there's more of an expectation that we would be open to meet somebody to date there. Looking a lot at somebody you find interesting while working up the courage to meet them and talk to them I'd expect a partner to do. It's when looking too long at strangers (be it me or them doing the looking, or being on the receiving end of it) then I think it can be creepy or inappropriate..

[GalaGirl]

What does everyone else think?

Think about what? That you have explained your limits to your partner? Good on you. You definitely tell your partner where your limits lie.

What MY limits on checking people are out with DH?

Depends. It's fine to look if we are out together -- just SHARE the peekie with me so I can look too!

It is fine to look if you are out alone -- and you can share the peekie verbally later or not. Up to you. Sometimes I'm out alone and admire someone from afar and I remember to tell DH about it or I don't. It's not a big deal to us. We're not looking to ask for their phone number or anything.

But no peekies around the kid, or around other people that could take it out of context -- that is not discreet.

GG

[Tonberry]

Probably depends on the stage of the relationship.
At the very beginning, I expect to be very much focused on each other, and checking others out constantly could get annoying. Once a relationship is established, though, that's more of a bonding thing, and although I'm straight I could be the one pointing out a woman to him.

Ultimately I wouldn't make a rule out of it, I would only call someone out on it if they do it the whole time and I feel like they're not listening to me. I'd feel like I'm boring them. Doing it only a couple of times during a date would be fine, I think.

[StrayKitten]

Originally Posted by turtleHeart

To me, watching/appreciating people is part of enjoying one's surroundings. Asking someone not to do so would be similar to expecting them to not enjoy the wind in their hair or the smell of food coming from the kitchen when you're talking to them.

Agreed, turtleHeart! I love people watching, and if I'm out with my primary-type I point out especially attractive women to him, but haven't gotten that comfortable with my girlfriend yet.
But I'm also very good at giving undivided attention when needed. When a serious conversation is happening I don't get distracted by "shiny" in the corner, but if I'm just chatting casually or at a bar waiting for a drink, I have no problems looking or with my partners looking. It's perfectly fine to admire beautiful people, IMO