need advice and help
Hello everyone, I am new to this forum and new to the lifestyle of poly. A little about me, my hubby and I have been together for 14 years and just started a sexual relationship with a girl we have known for over a year now about 3 months ago.
My experience with other girls is very limited a couple of intoxicated kisses and a proposition from another friend for a threesome with my hubby which I freaked out feeling pressured by her and not wanting that to be my first experience fast forward to about a year ago hubby and i meet a girl who we are both attracted to and who is both into men and women. A friend introduces us and we become friends hanging out doing family stuff and the occasional flirting then in June of this year things went farther she stayed the night and things happened oral from my hubby on both of us and me to her. There was no penetration sex as he wasn't able said it was a lot of pressure with me there, this happens one more time and then we go on an overnight out of town and we all three have sex which is pretty hot, he doesn't orgasm so next morning I take care of him with her watching. we get back from the trip and she is practically living at our house staying over cuddling every night and sex one more time and maybe it was all the togetherness or stress from the kids she has two and we have two one of hers is a 3 and a half month old so I was helping with the baby and maybe feeling jealous a bit about that after having two miscarriages in Dec. And Jan. but anyway start getting testy with hubbyfeeling jealous over him cuddling with her stupid things.
Anyway we the trupple which is what we call our triad decide to go to my patents house things are fine and then my mom falls in a fire pit my gf pulls her out of the fire my hubby puts the fire out mom is taken hospital we drive after the ambulance gf stays with kids at parents house, mom is stable waiting on another ambulance ride to get to a life flight to uc Davis on ride back to parents hubby says he cant get time off work and has jobs out of town etc. So he can't go to Sacramento with me I want to talk about anything but whats going on so I bring up one on one sex because hubby is not having greatest time performing and its because he says he feels too nervous cuz I'm there I give permission for one on one thinking it will be no different than when I'm there but I also tell him I dont know how I will react when it happens.
On way back to our house to drop off the kids and pack gf says she is going to stay at our
house and take care of things for me i tell her about the convo hubby and I have and tell her since I know she isn't that into girls or at least she identifies as straight even though she had two year lesbian relationship, anyway I tell her I think I am ok with the idea of her and hubby just being together but I'm not sure how i will be when it happens.
We get home I pack to drive 350 miles with hubbies sister to see my mom who is in ICU while hubby and gf stay at home, I tell him i feel like they(he and gf) are high fiving each other because I am leaving he says that is not the case and for me not to worry she says the same so I go. I do ok on the drive but the when I get done at the hospital seeing my mom I lose it feel totally alone out of control and then we me and sis are staying at hubbies ex childhood gfs house which shouldn't bother me but does.
Meanwhile hubby and gf have her sister and brother over which I am livid about how dare either of them have fun while I am in hell. I vent this to hubby who tells me its fine they aren't throwing parties etc. and can her parents come over the next day I say yeah thats fine as he is supposed ti he out of town working that day. Fast forward to the next evening I am totally freaking out want to go home need my husband call him and in the background I hear kids laughing playing in a newly set up pool her parents and sister and brother in law are all over for a BBQ I am livid hubby and i argue until about midnight when he tells me he's tired and wants to go to bed where of course gf is.
About 20 minutes goes by and i have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach so I call my teenage son to ask if his dad is having sex with the gf teenage son says yes I hear her moaning I instantly call hubby and he lies to me off the bat I hit my knees and vomit I hate them both in that moment and feel like he cheated.
He and she both tell me I am being unfair and i gave them permission blah blah blah I cant think I cant feel so after talking to hubby all night I drive tell my dad I cant stay and drive home, now mind you in this period of time my hubby tells me hes in love with two women wants to leave me all kinds if craziness. I get home talk to both of them their sorry they hurt me it just happened blah blah blah he tells me he thought of me the whole time blah blah blah and he loves me and isn't leaving me and i gave him permission and I'm not being fair.
Anyway fast forward a couple weeks she and i have one on one it is horrible she gets hers I give myself my own I am still pissed about them cuz I cant let it go and this doesn't help
anyway the trupple has played a few more times after this but I am having sever anxiety and jealousy issues I cant get over that when I needed my hubby most he was with her, for instance if he's tired and doesn't want to have sex or cuddle with me I get mad because he wasn't to tired to put out to her, he says he's sorry and it was poor timing.
I made the boundary of no one on one till I got my emotions under control but now he is pushing for the one on one he says because he doesn't think there should he rules and i would have one on one if she were more into girls and i am a hypocrite for that. He tells me he loves me and it was just comforting sex and thats all it is between them that and they are friends.
I cant help but feel like an animal backed into a corner because I was just starting to feel ok about the trupple again and US doing the threesome thing once in awhile but now that he is pushing the one on one again I have all these jealousy issues coming back and the hurt and pain again.
How do I get rid of those feelings how do i not get jealous if he rubs her shoulder or cuddles with her while we are in bed when I get those things too. Hubby des try to be fair. I enjoy the sex when we are all together mostly but I dont like that she is a taker and not really a giver at all although she will blow my husband.
I feel like I am losing my mind and I am driving a huge wedge between my husband and i and she is left out of the loop on our fights which may or may not be fair since they are about an action that happened with her but heres the thing I am not mad at her over it just him I feel like he cheated on me and i cant get past it so I guess I am asking how I do that, and should I consent to the one on one(she told him she thinks its a bad idea) or what I just want my marriage back to when i felt secure and i dont know how to get those thoughts and feelings to go away other than to be done with her and the situation entirely. I am so sorry this is so long and maybe shouldn't have its own tread but I need help and advice from people who have been sorta in my shoes.
Last edited by evelinkfalls; 09-17-2012 at 03:45 PM. Reason: paragraph breaks and wrong section