Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 12-12-2009, 05:02 AM
thirtysilver thirtysilver is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 9
Default In Need of an Ear

Some of you may remember my recent inquiry and the subsequent discussion involving my feelings for a girl, R. A quick summation: I have been with L for 9 years and she and I have been married since 2007. I have only ever been monogamous, though I have never been comfortable with monogamy. About 4 months ago I started to develop feelings for R, and those feelings have since grown very strong. L knows of R and is understanding but not happy. R says poly is not for her and that she cannot return my affection. I decided not to pursue this any further.

Well, this is an update:
Not pursuing this has proved quite difficult. My feelings for R persist, despite my efforts to strangle them. I walk around in a daze, not feeling like part of the world around me, thinking about R. I feel like I might be in love with her, but another part of me tells me that is stupid. She lives 1000 miles away and I have only spoken to her online. That is a tremendously embarrassing admission, and I'd thank you to be kind in addressing it.
I feel like I'm on a road, right? The same road we're all on. But I've been carrying around far more weight that it's fair for anyone to have asked me to carry, and now I'm just too tired to take my next step.
Am I in love with two women at once? Am I in love with either of them? Do I even know how to love?
I'm a survivor of severe, long-term child abuse. Emotional abuse, I should clarify. Could it be that whatever emotional mechanism it is that makes people able to love doesn't function correctly (or at all) in me?
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry if this isn't the right place for this.
Reply With Quote
 

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:54 PM.