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  #301  
Old 09-11-2012, 10:04 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Maca is off at hunting camp with Sweet Pea and dad. they are having lots of fun.
I took advantage of my alone time this evening to get some writing done. Some was just for me and my own entertainment, some was for the purpose of sharing my thoughts with Maca (via my personal blog). All of it helped me to center myself.
I also took time to peruse our current boundary agreements. They are admittedly written more 'long hand' than Galagirls. Lol! But, they do cover all the bases.
September is our month to 'reassess' and potentially renegotiate (every 3 months), which is what provoked me going over them. I am primarily content with them, no changes I feel I need. But, our agreement focuses primarily on others. I would like to add to the beginning a mission statement of sorts for us. I think I would like to incorporate into it some of the concepts that Galagirl hs addressed so well on here!
It isn't because I feel we are failing to do these things, but, like one of her posts points out, I too like to hear it, see it. I like the reminders. I would find it reassuring to be able to glance at our agreement, especially in times fraught with stress, and read a clear cut paragraph detailing what our commitment to each other is. It's been so vague and unspecified since I cheated.

I hope when Maca returns home we will have a chance to curl up together in bed and framework that.

I did not write in the blog (which he reads-this one he generally does not) that so much has progressed within our personal relationship that I find myself strongly interested in returning to discussion to the topic of our D/s and what safe steps forward we can make.

We didn't pull back from it completely. But, we did back up significantly with the breaches of trust in our basic relationship. It is impossible for me to gives full trust to him with D/s if he is lying (even by omission) in any aspect of our relationship. This includes self disclosure to me regarding his needs.

These things I require for my safety. Without them I was forced to pull back in D/s. it's been a long wait. Over a year. But, much progress and change has happened. I think I am ready to renegotiate hard and soft limits for D/s. i just need to sit down and establish where I think I am at, what my current hard limits are, a timeframe for renegotiating (not sure 3 months is realistic atm, may need to be weekly or monthly for awhile), and soft limits with a lost of desirable activities and fequency.
Then, give it to him for consideration before discussion.

Much food for thought this month.
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  #302  
Old 09-12-2012, 12:55 AM
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Lol! I just got the call, I'm going to be a grammy again! it's still secret, so I can't share on fb or with the family. But, I had to tell someone, so you guys get the news first.
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  #303  
Old 09-12-2012, 01:23 AM
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Congrats!

GG
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  #304  
Old 09-12-2012, 01:39 AM
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Thanks. I'm excited. I know its silly, months to go. But, still excited. Lol!
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  #305  
Old 09-14-2012, 06:53 AM
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This cold is kicking my ass! I gargled salt water before bed. Nasty! But it did seem to help a bit with the sore throat.
My bro is having a heartbreaking time right now. Their marriage has been rocky for some time. But, it looks like they may have reached the final cliff. I don't know. I try to stay out of it. But, he's my baby brother. It's hard to watch.
On a good note, my statistics classes are going well so far as is my weight training class.
Two days til maca comes home. I'm looking forward to seeing him and my Sweet Pea again! Sweet Pea got two Spruce Hens today for their dinner. Everyone has been very impressed with him at hunting camp. He's been helpful and on the ball all week. I am honestly not surprised, he really is an amazing kid. But, I am very proud of him. This is the first time they have allowed Anyone under 16. So it was a big deal and he has proven himself worthy of them taking the chance on him. He's invited to go again next year. (he's 12)
Except being sick-life is good. Sour Pea has been getting her chore routine down and working on school too. I watched October Baby last night and cried my eyes out. GG has been taking care of me and keeping me hydrated and fed.
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  #306  
Old 09-17-2012, 10:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DC7783 View Post
How do I know if anyone is online? I'm all new at this....
Another way to see if a particular person is on-line: there's a circle at the right of our user names (at head of each post and elsewhere). If it's green, that person is on-line. [sending this as PM, but posting it here for any other newbies]
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  #307  
Old 09-19-2012, 02:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Lol! I just got the call, I'm going to be a grammy again! it's still secret, so I can't share on fb or with the family. But, I had to tell someone, so you guys get the news first.
Congrats and good luck to the mommy!
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me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #308  
Old 09-20-2012, 05:07 AM
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We watched 'The Lucky One' tonight as a family. It was an emotional movie, but a nice, relaxing and mellow evening.
Our weather is a bit insane at the moment. Didn't know Alaska had a monsoon season, been here 34 years, never seen anything like it. But, I suppose there is a first for everything!
Sour Pea went to tears, inconsolable sobbing when GG left for work (he takes 'lunch' between 7-9 pm to do the bedtime routine with her). Maca is curled up in her bed now reading her a story, but it was an impressive emotional breakdown. The whole of her hysteria, combined with our unreal and unusual weather got my heart ticking with nerves. I trxted him to drive safe tonight and to let me know when he was home safe. I don't usually hear him when he comes home, he sneaks in quiet as a mouse around 2am.
Now, off to dreams for me. Tomorrow, statistics homework!
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  #309  
Old 09-23-2012, 02:27 AM
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I worked to process my feelings today-I'm not done. But, here are some of the thoughts.

In my world, if a person wants a “restart” on our relationship after they have harmed me (regardless of circumstance), the following steps are necessary:

request a restart
acknowledge the harm you did to me
make amends for the harm (depending on circumstance they may be simple or complicated)
respect the current limitation of my trust
take concrete actions to show me the situation has changed, in order to built trust
not play avoidy games
not play 3rd party communication-communicate clearly and directly to me
accept that restart comes with limited privileges due to breach of trust
Finally, accept and understand that at no point, ever, does your closeness with someone else in my life automatically extend to you the privileges I extend to people I am personally close to. You can not ever get those privileges without doing the work to get to know me personally and build a trusting relationship with me personally.
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  #310  
Old 09-23-2012, 02:28 AM
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Default Expectations of Metamours-unfinished

I expect metamours to

respect our boundaries
communicate directly to me on issues regarding me
treat my children with kindness and respect
never talk bad about myself, GG or Maca in front of our children
respect my personal space
treat me kindly
not talk negatively about me behind my back
consider the consequences of their actions upon me
consider the consequences of their actions on M & I's relationship
consider the consequences of their words upon me
consider the consequences of their words upon M & I's relationship
consider the consequences of their actions on GG
consider the consequences of their actions on our children
consider the consequences of their words on GG
consider the consequences of their words on our children
NOT discipline my children
NOT undermine my, GG or Maca's authority with our children
NOT attempt to get in the middle of any of my other relationships
NOT attempt to undermine any of my other relationships
NOT treat me or my relationships with disdain
Be understanding of the limitations on our time for social activities


*every one of these is also an expectation I have for my friends and for Maca and GG's friends.
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