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  #11  
Old 07-18-2012, 04:11 PM
icelandicman icelandicman is offline
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When we move into a possible relationship, all three of us would have a say as to what happens in a relationship. We are not looking for a girl to be "plugged in" to our requirements. She will have many chances to voice her opinions and to make changes in the relationship but in no way will she infringe upon the primary relationship or cause problems in the primary relationship.
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  #12  
Old 07-18-2012, 04:15 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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So... an "us and her" relationship then? And she's out on her ear if she disturbs the status quo? How does that give her a chance to voice anything?
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  #13  
Old 07-18-2012, 04:21 PM
icelandicman icelandicman is offline
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Once again... either a misunderstanding or not reading what I wrote. But she will not "cause problems in the primary relationship" which I translate to mean that she will not try to seperate the primary partners or turn them against one another.

You know what, I think I have a solution to my problem. Rather then having to defend myself against people within my community, like I have to defend myself to poeple outside the communtiy, I will just do the intelligent thing and leave.

Thank you to those people who have helped me to decide to cancel my membership.
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  #14  
Old 07-19-2012, 09:30 AM
km34 km34 is offline
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Icelandicman, people are just trying to point out that a 2+1 model of relationship is uneven. You and your wife are the primary relationship, fine, but that means that the unicorn is inherently unequal. If someone agrees to that, great, but there's no point in getting pissed at people who point out that that is indeed the case. Unless you and your wife decide that it is a 1+1+1 relationship where everyone can develop feelings at their own speed without having to worry about everything being exactly the same is acceptable, then there is going to be inequality in there. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just the way it is.

There are women out there who will agree to that kind of situation. Good luck finding the one for you, and I hope that you're able to make a very difficult relationship structure work.
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  #15  
Old 07-19-2012, 06:47 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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There are folks on here who have been through situations like those outlined - part of the reason that we allow comments on threads is for others to talk about their own experiences and opinions.

You have got that, not as an attack, but as a commentary for how such an arrangement could make a potential partner feel. What this means is that it will probably further lessen the odds that you are going to find someone that will fit your needs. Doesn't mean that what you are looking for is wrong - it just severely limits your chances of success.

You can take that on-board, as others have done who have come with similar questions, or you can pick up your toys and go home. Most definitely your choice.
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  #16  
Old 07-20-2012, 02:29 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Well, perhaps my vintage loving friend has really gone away, but for other unicorn hunters and potential unicorns who read this thread...

I just feel bad for everyone who has gone thru this, couples and their "girls" [sic]. If the new "girl" at first feels equal attraction to both in the primary couple, but then after NRE wears off, gets along much better with one or the other in the couple, it's heartbreak time not just for her, being vetoed, but also for the one she has chosen, and who feels deep love for her. Off she goes, leaving a hole in the loved one's heart. Who would want that? The unchosen one takes away the beloved by their veto. Why not allow that dyad to continue?

I will never get this package deal scenario. It just smacks of a mono mindset too much to even be under the umbrella of polyamory, imo.

I wonder why icelandic's other unicorns "moved on..."
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  #17  
Old 09-10-2012, 03:06 AM
spiritualloving spiritualloving is offline
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I love your post I am a bi female looking for my couple... I am very into healing , stones, nature, love, massage and much more. I am in the 80003 area. And would be interested in exchanging pics and meeting up if your still looking. Imnew to this site so im not sure howto private message but ill send you one if I figure it out!
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