Originally Posted by winged
Mental illness isn't fun to deal with anyway and I find it really problematic that we even have this thread to pile on how undatable people with a psychiatric DX are. It seems kind of ablist and it's definitely depressing for those of us who do. I also think it's sort of generic to have a red flag over that diagnosis. There are some neurotypical people who are just not capable of handling a poly relationship, and there are some people with diagnosed mental disorders (or otherwise neuroatypical) who are better than average. If you asked "hey, are wheelchairs a red flag for you?" you'd be unlikely to get one answer and you might get looked at a little funny and this isn't much different.
It has to be said that not everyone is equipped to deal with a partner who has a mental illness and that shouldn't be looked down on. It can be intensely draining to deal with a partner, even just one, who has a mental illness and there are people out there who simply dont want to get involved in something like that.
As I mentioned before, I was with a woman for five years and for three of those five she was experiencing very severe mental health problems. She was dealing with PTSD, suicide attempts, crippling depression, and a number of other problems. It was absolutely exhausting to deal with that for two years and its part of why our relationship crumbled.
I wouldn't fault anyone for not wanting to get involved in something like that. I'm certainly not in any hurry to jump back on that train. Its the same as someone with an extremely high-strung other partner or an intolerable family or a drinking habit or a high-stress job that leaves them a mess when they're at home; regardless of whose fault it is or what it is, there is something that makes being around that person onerous to someone's emotional and mental well-being.
I think we also need to differentiate between someone who has something that is well-managed and relatively unobtrusive in a person's life, something they may only need occasional outside help to deal with, and someone who has an untreated mental illness that significantly interferes with their life and the lives of those around them.
I would think that most people here would be alright with the former and far less so with the latter.