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  #21  
Old 08-17-2012, 11:05 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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RP-I beg to differ (only becuase I love you so!).
I think it would be a red flag for you IF the person wasn't doing anything about it and wasn't interested, because it would mean that they weren't interested in caring for themselves-which is just as dangerous as someone who mistreats their pets, children, metamours, spouses etc.

That said-I do agree with the thoughts that RED flag might be overstating it.

It's something that I would only concern myself with if they weren't concerned about their own self-care. Because if a person isn't interested in caring for themself-they can't possibly care for me. Which isn't to say that they are responsible for me-but I like mutual care-taking in a relationship.
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  #22  
Old 08-18-2012, 06:43 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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I wouldn't think of it as a red flag (to me, a red flag is something to watch for and avoid the person) but I would see it as something to keep in mind, and treat the partner accordingly.

Some conditions, mental or physical, might mean that it wouldn't really work between us, for whatever reason. If that happens, it's too bad but things happen.
However, it wouldn't affect my desire to date them. I simply would want to learn more about it to see how to help, and I would give it a try either way. Unless it's something that's potentially dangerous for me or my other partners.
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  #23  
Old 08-18-2012, 12:54 PM
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InHateOF InHateOF is offline
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My ex girlfriend is a border line schizophrenic. Most of the time she was great, but every once and a while, she would have an episode and things turned really ugly, including violence. after one of those, she was committed by her family. So, yea, definitely a red flag for me.
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  #24  
Old 08-22-2012, 10:54 PM
ParadigmCrime ParadigmCrime is offline
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ahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha

is it a red flag? Naw in my mind its probably a green flag, especially if they are NOT treated. Treated people on meds and counciling tend to be more unbalanaced, more dramatic, and more crazy than untreated ones.


I know if Im attracted to someone, and they are attracted to me, that there is a good fuckin chance they are absolutly nuts in some form or another.

I love crazy people
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  #25  
Old 08-24-2012, 12:55 PM
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Tise Tise is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtoday View Post
It might be a red flag for me, depending on the illness.

Someone very close to me is involved with a man who is bi polar. His MEDS have a very adverse effect on him sometimes and he tires of the side effects so he's been known to 'go off' his MEDS.
There have been times when that happens that he is quite deranged, violent.
It's a sad situation as when he is medicated, he's a wonderful man. We just fear that one day that wonderful man will do something he can't take back.
So, I'd be weary of it for sure, based on my own personal experience.
That, in a nutshell, it's why my answer is "runaway FAST!" I had a partner that was bi-polar, with schizophrenic added, it was rough. I tried hard, he didn't.
I *can* be open to other mental health problems, but if I heard the words bi-polar, I'm checking out.
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  #26  
Old 09-08-2012, 07:44 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I babysat two little girls full time for ten years. The youngest is bipolar and ADHD. Her mom is bipolar as well. To be honest, it was never an issue. Before meds it required more hands on attentive care, but either way was manageable.
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  #27  
Old 09-08-2012, 07:51 PM
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Short answer, yes. Long answer, yes but with huge qualifiers.

My last relationship was with someone who had very severe problems with a mental illness that was poorly managed and caused an extreme level of stress in those around her. It sucked two years of my life away trying to deal with it and it took A LOT away from me, negatively effected my own mental health, and is still an ongoing problem.

On that basis, I would be extremely hesitant to get into a relationship with someone who had some form of mental illness.

That said, a quarter of the US population has some kind of mental illness and with proper management and care, it doesn't have to be a major issue.
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  #28  
Old 09-08-2012, 08:30 PM
codydarkstalker codydarkstalker is offline
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Not really. My primary has depression and anxiety issues and I had to push him to see a DR, but he's doing better all the time and it doesn't make me love him less. If anything it's nice to know WHY he's in a mood.
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  #29  
Old 09-08-2012, 09:37 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Originally Posted by Esperanza View Post
Me being with someone who has a mental illness DX? Not likely. It is a red flag.<snip> I can date, and best of all, maintain a loving relationship whenever I am in one.

I hope you get what I'm trying to say.
Nope. I understand what you're saying about the importance of being on and staying on the appropriate meds, but the other thing I'm getting from this post is that you would not date someone with a mental illness diagnosis, but want others to be willing to date you.

Unless you mean it's a "red flag" for yourself, in that you know you would not be able to deal with it due to dealing will all your own stuff. That's fair, but the way you say it makes it sound like a mental illness diagnosis is something you see as a bad thing, which makes me question how you plan on finding relationships, seeing as how those people will have to be okay with your diagnosis.

For myself, it's something to consider and be cautious about. I have to protect not only myself but my children, so if someone I date has a mental illness I need to know how they cope with it and how I need to cope with it in order keep everyone safe. But I've known LOTS of people with one degree of mental illness or another, and most of them function well enough in everyday life most of the time, so it's certainly not an automatic reason to cut them out of my life.
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  #30  
Old 09-09-2012, 03:11 AM
winged winged is offline
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Definitely not a red flag for me. Most of my friends EVER in my life have either had diagnosed or most likely COULD have been diagnosed with some form of mental illness. Especially since I'm demisexual and rarely am interested in people I'm not friends with, it's unlikely that I would ever fall in love with someone who didn't.

While I definitely think there are things that might prove to be problems -- I don't think I would necessarily be capable myself of emotionally knowing how to cope with severe dissociative episodes, or might be triggered by someone with severe body dysmorphia, for example, that is my problem and not theirs. And also something I haven't TRIED to do!

Mental illness isn't fun to deal with anyway and I find it really problematic that we even have this thread to pile on how undatable people with a psychiatric DX are. It seems kind of ablist and it's definitely depressing for those of us who do. I also think it's sort of generic to have a red flag over that diagnosis. There are some neurotypical people who are just not capable of handling a poly relationship, and there are some people with diagnosed mental disorders (or otherwise neuroatypical) who are better than average. If you asked "hey, are wheelchairs a red flag for you?" you'd be unlikely to get one answer and you might get looked at a little funny and this isn't much different.

In my relationship we ALL have depression and anxiety. We've experienced many of the same stressors in one form or another. While it can be stressful at times for J to not be able to make her girlfriend feel better, or for me to want both of them to be happy, or whatever, we all understand each other.

Honestly being poly (in the particular configuration we're in, in which I'm friends with my metamour and we keep very little from eachother, and also in which we all run on different schedules) seems to be less stressful because there are more people to talk about anxieties with. J might miss me having a panic attack because she's sleeping, but N will be awake for it. If N is having a problem both J and I might be around to talk her through it from different perspectives.

I think my red flag is not for mental illness but for using those illnesses as a means of manipulation. When I was younger for example, I definitely was guilty of using people's concern for me against them -- scaring them to elicit some proof of love. I've had it done to me as well. That's absolutely not acceptable behavior either from me or from a partner and I would never do it or accept it these days. Someone purposefully not treating themselves or being self destructive purely to elict a reaction from me wouldn't be handled very well.

Last edited by winged; 09-09-2012 at 04:01 AM.
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